I have often been guilty of my own ignorance that once realized stole my innocence.

It’s why I say forgiveness is gift you give to yourself to let God deal with it. Forgiving oneself is as important as forgiving others. Where we run into issues as human beings is when we don’t change the behavior that has us seeking forgiveness to begin with.

An apology with no change in behavior is an excuse to keep up the abuse.

When I have found myself guilty due to my own ignorance that means new information has been presented to remove my bliss filled ignorance and I see how guilty I have been though up until that moment I would have found me innocent. I’m no saint or holy sacred what the fuck ever. I might be a servant of God however I have sinned in mighty ways. It takes one to know one and understand what led one into the moment now shared.

When I did go to Church way back when I always looked for a pastor that had been a mighty sinner. I wanted someone who could relate to what I might seek guidance for should I feel the need.

I had my last one night stand around 2 years ago. Afterward she started talking about making me a real prostitute and her being my pimp. I have kept myself from having a one stand ever since. I had never felt so cheap and used.

In my twenties I would have thought that was the coolest thing that could ever happen. At 43 and as a man who has embraced his path, there is no way I could not feel like walking dildo at that moment and she had stripped the idea of my humanity from who I had become in her eyes.

I did not study Tantra to be celibate, however I understand soul health well enough to understand why I choose monogamy and why I am picky as hell.

In my twenties I acted out of ignorance.

I have changed my behavior and my behavioral outlook.

I forgive me for having my twenties.

I am nowhere near innocent, however I have refined myself based on the ideas of being healthy emotionally as well as physically and remembering that emotional health is a key identifier in soul health. If I am not living at keeping my soul healthy how in the blue holy fuck can I guide anyone into better soul health.

A Shaman is a soul healer and to become Shaman one must take on great illness and heal oneself from it. There have times in my life where my soul was as sick as any soul could be. OK so anyone of us has the potential to fuck our lives up at some point and do some shit.

Everyone of us has the power to make changes in behavior and to stop doing the stupid shit that fucks us up. We find ourselves guilty often and forgive ourselves without changing behavior too easily. I did it for years before I took it seriously and started changing me.

Living with total awareness means I have a good idea of the effect before I ever allow the words to escape my lips or allow myself to be moved into action. I hold myself accountable and my innocence only goes as far as my ignorance and the view others take of my words and actions.

We all tell the story of each other and how each is perceived by each other. We don’t think about it in those terms. We are too stuck in our life and how it effected us to realize we might have made an impact in the life or lives of others. It’s something I still struggle with because I’m human.

It’s all part of the condition of being human. A soul wrapped in flesh to have a human adventure.

Live in ignorance if you choose and realize your innocence is only a delusion kept in place by your choice to remain ignorant.

Ask yourself one question and take it on a journey.

What is the total cost of my life to all that exist and have existed up until right now?