Finishing my journal last night with thoughts of my first time filled my dreams with memories of what was that shall never be again.

I was 17 and she was 20. This of course explains my fondness for older women for the following decades. Of course now at over 500, I don’t think I’ll find a woman older than me.

When I met Darla I was spending my Friday nights hanging out shooting pool at the local bowling alley. The first time we met she was dating one of my friends. I kept my distance out of respect for my friend, however the first time our eyes met something lit a fire deep within me. Paul and Darla dated for a few weeks before breaking up.

I still wouldn’t approach her. I did everything I could to ignore her. I  thought it was the least I could do for my friend.

Then one night we went out to drag race just outside of town. It was 1991 and I was driving a boat of a car, however it had a V8 that roared and I often felt like I was flying when I would drop the hammer and let that V8 do exactly what it wanted to do.

That night Darla road with me out to the spot where we raced. As the night went on I found myself next her again and again. Little did I know then that that thought in the back of my head that this woman was after me was absolutely correct. By the end of the night I had my arm around her and it felt as if I was right where I belonged.

We started seeing each other. We would talk on the phone for hours on end. I would often sing to her at night to help her relax so she could fall asleep.

Darla looked like an elf girl, slight of build with high cheek bones and a pointed nose. Her hair had a curl to it, not so much curly as naturally wavy. Her eyes were not quite blue and not quite green but somewhere in the middle.

They danced with life with a mix of fire and lightning that struck the core of me and brought to life in me a deep love pure and true.

I had never gone all the way with anyone before Darla. The only other girlfriend I’d had before her actually broke up with me for not going all the way when she gave me the chance to.

I was 15 at the time and I simply wasn’t ready for it and didn’t want to do it. However she wanted it and left me to find someone who would give it to her.

I think that might be why I did not hesitate the night Darla and I made love for the first time. To this day the first time I’m with any woman, I make love to them, even the one night stands I’ve had got all the love I could give in the sex we had. I look back and see how I’ve been able to love a woman for a life time in one night.

The night Darla and I made love was a night I simply can’t forget. She knew I was a virgin and she took her time with me and was so gentle. Everything we did that night had this softness to it in how it felt. Her fingertips were filled with love with every gentle touch.

I followed her lead and took my time and was as slow and gentle as she was.

As we slowly moved as one I never stopped looking into her eyes. I could feel how deeply connected we were beyond the sex we were having in a moment that seemed to last forever.

As the passion grew and the pace quickened I never stopped looking into her into eyes. We came together and I collapsed on top of her into her loving arms.

As I moved off her and next to her in bed we cuddled and talked. Next thing I knew we were quickly moving into another round of making love. The night I lost my virginity I made love to Darla 3 times. Each time was overflowing with the love between us. Each time we came together.

That was the sex life I had with Darla for the entirety of our relationship. When it ended I had felt as though someone had torn my soul apart and the anguish of it was something I had never felt.

It was a friend of mine, Lisa, who helped me put my heart and soul back together.
Now Lisa was one of the great loves of my life I never made love with. That became an all too common thing in my life for several decades. 

Hmmm.

Maybe that’s how I keep them from being terrified of me when I write this book. I talk about the great loves of my life that I never once so much as kissed.

I like that idea. God knows there have been many of them. They were the ones I loved the most and the reason why I quit pursuing women. I simply got tried of being rejected by the ones I truly loved and took up with whoever wanted me.

I think those are the exact tales I need to tell.