The women that came after Priscilla have Priscilla to thank for introducing me to Tantric sex.

We started studying it shortly after we got married. It wasn’t that either of us was bad in bed, it was that we wanted to make sure sex never became something boring and mundane between us.

I have read the Karma Sutra several times and started my study at age 21. At 509, I think it’s safe to assume I’ve mastered it.

This was also the first time I had ever watched porn with a woman much less gone shopping for it.

We found this sex shop that on the outside looked a large barn in north Texas. It was about a 2 hour drive from where we lived. I had never seen so much porn and so many sex toys in all my life. I still have yet to see a place as large in my travels since. When I stop and think that that has been over the last 400+ years, I’m not sure whether to be impressed or depressed.

At this point in life I find porn rather boring. You can only watch other people fuck so many times before you’ve seen it all, well at least all you’re willing to watch.

There are some things I simply don’t understand when it comes it to the fascinations some have with certain kinds of sex.

I can ride the wave of any and even in riding the wave of some of the sickest perverts I’ve ever met and feeling their ecstasy over watching or participating in certain things, I could not find it within me to enjoy it.

Somethings are just plain sick and a sickness that plagues the individual who enjoys those things.

After my teen years and the young women I knew who had been used for sex the mere thought of sex with an underage girl always turned my stomach.

I’ll never understand pedophilia. I get rough sex and the whole S&M thing however it’s for degenerates who have no idea what true lovemaking is.

Those who thrive on pain to get off have some issues. Often they are survivors of sexual assault and their body orgasmed even though the sex was unwanted.

This leaves scars on the soul, deep ones that in many never heal. They become fixated on having rough sex to justify their body orgasming anyway even though they were raped.

I was grateful Priscilla never had any of these kinks. Our sex life was actually quite satisfying.

We bought a house and got a couple dogs and were living the perfect American dream life. Priscilla had a job as an optician and I was working at an inbound call center. She had her Geo Prizm and I had my 1978 Camaro. We had a hot tub and lived in a nice neighborhood.

Why is it then I started cheating on her?

Oh yeah, the booze. I’m a happy horny drunk and once I start, any tart throws herself at me and I can’t say no. I look back now and  don’t understand why the thought never crossed my mind to quit drinking.

Then again I also remember that Priscilla’s favorite game was to take me out and get me drunk and point me at other people.

Sarcasm was the first language I learned before English. When I drink this side of me amplifies something fierce. It was great fun for Priscilla and the rest of the crowd, however the target of my sharp tongue was often left humiliated in as many ways as I could verbally assault them.

I’m grateful I did quit drinking before I got my ass kicked. It would’ve have been nice had I been able to quit before ruining my marriage.

The worst part is I never got caught, it was the guilt eating at me that made me confess and leave her. I remember that day.

Her pain cut right through me as I told her that I did not love her the way she deserved to be loved and would be better off without me in her life. I cried with her as I ended my marriage that day. I moved out and signed the house over to her. In fact the only things I took with me were the things I owned before we ever met.

I tried to make the process as painless as possible for her, though I know it was sheer suffering for Priscilla for quite some time after things ended. I carried the guilt of that with me for several years before I could forgive myself. When I heard that years later she remarried and had kids, it made feel better about what had happened between us.

Priscilla got the dream life she deserved after the hell I put her through.

It was Mary that got Priscilla’s revenge. A goddess of a specimen of physical beauty.

She came after me as well. It’s hard now to not think the only reason she did was just so she could rip my heart to pieces. The fucked up thing is I did truly love Mary. Maybe that was Karma as I have never doubted that Priscilla truly loved me.

Priscilla and I had been marred for around 18 months and that became a pattern for me and marriage for several decades before I broke that fucking curse.

I’m not saying Priscilla actually cursed me, though it would explain a lot. I remember the last words she said to me was that some day I would come crawling back to her, I never did. I did however go crawling back to one of my other wives.

That is another story for another time.

I think I’m gong to take a break from this journal for a couple days and clear my head. It’s never good to spend too much time in the past, and after a week of it I need a break from it.