As passion’s flames dances it weeps for it knows every song must come to an end.

There was a woman once I wrote a piece of poetry for that I called Passion’s Flame. Had I known the vampire I am back then, maybe I might of done things a bit differently, but as it stands now I’m grateful I ever knew Tina.

One of the few women I’ve met who could pull off lady and full blown slut all at once.

Tina picked me up at a bar one night, and I was supposed to be a one night stand. Just the dick of the week to give her the fucking she wanted. I did one better and made love to her and gave the love of a lifetime in that one night.

She told me once the only reason she hit me up for a round two was to see if she was that drunk or I was that good. We broke up around a year and a half later.

It was during that year and a half she told me once that I never fuck a woman, I always make love to them, even one night stands.

When she said that to me I answered with “Yeah, so.” I never sought to get fucked or do any fucking, I always sought to relive the love making I had when I was 17.

Little did I know then just how inept most men are at love making and all they know how to do is fuck.

My dick had become a rare commodity in Tina’s life. She held onto me for as long as she could before she left me knowing that I had treated her far better than she had ever dreamed of treating me.

Tina was my first experience at being emotionally abused by a lover.

It was also the first time I ever had step kids to worry about. I even got my first break up cat out of that relationship and the one coat I was grateful to lose.

I was 24 years old and she was 34. Our birthdays were two days apart making me 2 days shy of being exactly ten years younger than Tina. Mine was the 3rd of September and hers was the 5th.

Tina had 3 teenagers, 2 boys and a girl. Losing those kids from my life hurt more than losing Tina and years later Tina’s sister Angel told the mother of my first son that I had been the best thing to ever happen to her sister and those kids. Though as I look back now I can honestly say I did not always act as  know I should.

Tina had a bit of a temper and I seemed rather adept at igniting rage within me when we argued.

I understood why lesser men had beat the shit out of her over the years. I was the first man that never hit her.

In fact after a fight as we laid in bed I would roll over and run two fingers down her back as gently as I could. I did this to remind her it was a gentle man laying in bed with her, and she had nothing to fear from me.

Tina told me once that maneuver nearly got me laid every time I did it whether I wanted sex or not. I don’t like to make love if I’m angry. In fact I will reject sex if I am angry.

I never felt that anger and love making went together and found them to be on opposite ends of the spectrum. If I can’t make love and be in love in that moment, I would rather jerk off than fuck for the sake of fucking.

There was a lot of passion between Tina and I, and the nights it erupted into rage between us were the nights I hated myself for loving her.

She was brutal in those fights and would say the things she knew would cut me the deepest and hurt me the most.

It’s why I understood why lesser men hit her to shut her up. I would never condone violence of any sort however it’s why I say lesser men. No woman ever deserves to get hit, not ever.

I never touched Tina with anything less than a gentles caress or I would not touch her at all. I never understood why any man would hit a woman. I have wanted to kill men who have hit women.

There were other parts of our relationship. The sex was always fantastic and I learned a few tricks from this older woman. Now for the book do I go into detail or not?

I’m writing this journal to set up the book. How much detail do I give about the sex I’ve had?

I think I will let that question hang and see what blows in over the course of writing this journal, but for now I think the details I can remember are better left off the page.

When things were good between us, we would often write each other poetry.

I had even started writing a fantasy novel called Evil’s Mirror that even now over 4 centuries later, I have yet to finish. Tina used to talk about how my book would be bound in leather as they did with books in days of old. She was my editor as well as my lover.

Tina had these 2 cats, Raiderette and O.J. I loved those cats and ended up with one of them after we broke up and she moved to Las Vegas. Raiderette would often lay on my legs as I had them propped up on the desk with the keyboard in my lap as I wrote. O.J. would lay on my chest and demand I love on him for a good 10 minute before he would let me go to bed each night.

I remember the summer we broke up and got to back together 12 times. I had moved across the apartment complex and that was not nearly far enough. When I moved out, Raiderette refused to come in the house and would not eat. Before Tina moved she gave me Raiderette as that cat had claimed me as my owner.

Cats own you not the other way around. Raiderette had been a calico Siamese mix. She had the coloring of a Siamese with the the blotches of a calico and those Siamese blue eyes.

I spent 15 years with that cat after Tina and I split for good. That cat was worth all the hell that Tina ever put me through.

Over the centuries I have still referred to Tina as thee great love of my life, however the flame of that passion she killed years later.

I was getting divorced for the 3rd time and she hit me up out of the blue. What she didn’t know was that I had become aware of the vampire I am and allowed myself to know her true intent. She simply wanted the dick one more time and nothing else from me. That was the last time I ever let her hurt me.

It did hurt. I would have gone back with her in an instant had that been what she wanted. I had still loved her deeply and truly. That I was nothing more than a walking dildo to her, I could feel the pain of my heart breaking all over again.

It had been more than a decade since we had been together and my heart had kept the flame alive until that day. That was the day the our song ended and my passion died.

It was decades before I recovered from that moment of indescribable pain. I truly felt as if I had died inside and that nothing would ever create a new flame or passion within me.

However long before that day there was Kym AKA Doll Face.

I have not thought about that name in a very long time.

I’m not sure I’m ready to think about her again. I’m not sure I ever will be. There was some kind of magic in that woman that snared my heart by being the best friend I needed.

If I’m going to write this book, I’m gong to have to write about Doll Face.

I guess it’s time to dream of the past once more and remember for one last time the love  lived with Kym.