“Hi Solomon,

I’ve decided I want you and I will not take no for an answer. If you’re a good boy and see to my emotional needs I’ll blow you frequently.”

If this woman only knew what she was dealing with.

I’ve gotten messages like this over the years from women and I remember the first time I received one. I was in my 40’s and I was on LinkedIn, a professional social network.

It was back in the late teens of the 21st century. Back then I was on this professional network as a leadership consultant.

I remember even the CEO at one point said one of his biggest frustrations was the people who treated this professional networking site as if it was a dating site.

The woman who sent me the message above was not mentally well. Anyone who thinks that you can control another human being through sexual favors is not mentally well.

That reminds of me the one time Tina tried to withhold sex as a way to punish me. When she was done and ready to get it on is exactly when I started withholding sex for another week. She never tried that shit again.

By the time I was 15 and my mother would call me a son of a bitch I would look at her and say “Yeah mom, you’re right” with a smirk on my face. The first time I did it, it clicked in her head what she had called me and then went about her business without saying a word in response.

It was about 30 years later and I looked at my mom one day and said “Just so you know mom, I tell people I wear the term son of a bitch as a badge of honor to honor my mother.”

There was absolutely zero pause in her response “Son, that’s thee son of thee bitch and you damn well better.” I loved my mom while she was alive. She may have been the mother of all energy vampires, however she was not a soul sucking vampire.

I remember when I was a kid, my dad had gotten my mom a night shirt that said “Spoiled Rotten Bitch” on the front and it was her favorite shirt of all time. This is the same woman that as a teenager I would come home some days and walk in the door and take one look at my mom and turn and walk out and go to a friends house.

I used to fear her until I realized she would never actually hurt her baby boy, which she called me even when I was 50. I didn’t fear her, however anyone else should have been ready to run had they pissed her off.

Dad was an Englishman who had married a Hungarian. It’s why my accent doesn’t really cone from anywhere in England and is what I picked up growing up with my dad who came here from Liverpool like The Beatles. I remember the first time I went to England. I  got accused of using a fake accent. After I explained why I had the one I do, they seemed to calm down. Apparently they don’t think Americans faking an British accent is all that amusing. At least the ones I met were not amused.

As a kid my mom had this bell collection. At one point I was the only one who would still buy her new bells for her collection. All in all at one point I think she had around 50 of them.

Then there’s Maxine, my older sister. We got along pretty well for the most part. Though I will say there is no greater nightmare for a little brother than walking into the living room around 2 am and finding your sister in the midst of sexual relations with some guy. What was worse was when I heard mom catch her and tell her if she did anything like that under her roof again she would rip her tits off with her bare hands. It didn’t sound like an idle threat and is one of the reasons I used to fear my mother.

Maxine was actually 19 at the time and I was 15. She moved out about 3 months later. I would go and visit her at her apartment and try not to drool over her roommates. I was 15 surrounded by 3 beautiful angels and my sister the demon. Her roommates treated me better than Max did. I do think that the first time I went over and asked if Maxipad was home had something to do with it. They called her that for the next year.

I wasn’t always the classy motherfucker I am now.

The one time I ever committed to violence was because of my sister. I saw some dude slap her and I tackled him and started beating his face in. It took 3 big dudes to pull me off of him.

I barely remember it as once I saw that slap, all I saw was red. I came back to my senses as the 3 guys were holding me down. I looked over and saw the damage I had done. Thankfully the 25 year old did not want to admit to anyone a 16 year old kid was the reason he needed serious dental work and had a broken nose and two black eyes.

That day actually scared the shit out of me to see how much damage I could do while enraged and not remember doing it. It was after that I swore to live a life of pacifism. Had those guys not been there to pull me off him, I would’ve killed him and not even known it.

Even as a soul sucking vampire I have no need to kill to feed and the idea of killing a human being is something I want no part of. I avoid violence and live a life that allows me to not see it come to me.

I started studying this book this guy Jim Carter wrote called Psychospirilosophy The Martial Art of Thought. There was this chapter called Protection Through Right Action. Basically if one has no thoughts of violence or seeking it, one’s behavior can guide one away from it through mindful programming of one’s behavior.

Even now at 509 if I hear a heated conversation between a man and a woman, I get tense and start reminding myself I’m a pacifist.The idea of violence towards women is still the only thing that stirs the beast within me to want to hurt someone and hurt them bad. I spent too many years putting women back together who had survived physical abuse of all sorts.

I have this rule though that helps. Stay out of jail, if you like it do it again, if not don’t.

Takes violence off the table and out of the decision making process for me.

I think that’s enough for tonight. Time for me to crawl into bed and pass the fuck out.