What is the worst thing anyone has ever done that hurt me the most?

“I just started dating this guy who reminds me of you.”

I can’t think of any other way to hurt a human being worse. You’re not good enough for me but someone who reminds of you is. That’s how it felt regardless of the words never said.

After my 5 decades of celibacy, when I opened my heart to the idea of romance again it was Nancy who did this to me. We had been friends for a couple years and I mentioned I had developed feelings beyond friendship for her and she turned me down. I used to talk to this woman through text every night until she feel asleep. Any time anything went wrong in her life, I was the one taking care of her.

Nancy told me more than once had we not met she would have killed herself. When we first met she was a mess and a half. I understood why she had problems with people, she was smarter than most of them.

She was way too hung up on the shallow image of the flesh. The only person I ever met who had a lash lady. I remember I had to ask her what that was. When she told me it was someone who did her fake lashes for her, I was speechless.

I’d never heard of such a thing and the low vibration of it made me realize why it was an act of mercy that she turned me down. We would not have worked out. She would have annoyed the piss out of me and I would have let her until she got tired of me and left.

I’m like that. Once I commit, I won’t be the one to make the first move towards ending things. I believe in standing by the commitments I make to people in all things and in romance I may as well be chiseling that commitment in stone.

I’ve never been one to wallow in sorrow. I do however like to take the time to dive deeply into it.

I like to understand the pain. There’s a sweetness to it when it comes from a love true and pure. It was everything about Nancy that annoyed me that was exactly why I loved her so much to begin with.

I was around 180 when we met and she was 30. Talk about robbing the fucking cradle. I may as well have been 30 and Nancy a 15 year old. At least on an emotional maturity level that’s how it felt.

It reminds of this thing I wrote once about the 3 types of women and men.

The female of the human species I’ve noticed comes in 3 forms.

Girls: Evil incarnate. They lie, they cheat and they use everyone around them for their own selfish purposes. They will fuck their best friends boyfriend or girlfriend and not feel bad about it at all. The single most emotionally abusive creature on planet Earth and some of them never come out of this phase. I have met 60 year old women who may as well still be 14 year old girls.

Broads: Think they have balls bigger than any man and are the leading cause of death for dudes who get killed protecting them. They will purposefully put themselves in harms way just to prove they can. They carry the biggest chip on their shoulder one can manage and are out to prove you need them more than they will ever even care about you.

Women: Died in the fire to be reborn phoenix. A woman will have a girl in one hand and a broad in the other while kicking some dude in the ass for fucking with these two after she told him not to. A woman is a mother, and not just to her kids, she has a tendency to mother everyone. She can’t help it, she embodies all that is She and feminine energy.

Then we have the male of the species.

Guys: Will fuck anything breathing. A guy will be the one to fuck your wife even though he knows she’s married as long as he doesn’t know you. All a guy cares about is making sure everyone sees him as the alpha, and getting laid. They need constant attention and adoration from all around them or they throw temper tantrums.

Dudes: They will get themselves killed before doing the wrong thing. They live to do the right thing no matter how much it pisses anyone off. They are often found being bossed around by girls and broads. They are the emotional punching bags of planet Earth.

Men: A man knows when to do the wrong thing for the right reason. A man can also be found standing in the corner laughing as a woman carries off a girl and broad while kicking the dude in the ass as he says “I told you all not to let my woman find out about this shit.”

A real man never has to talk about being a real man, he simply lives it.

I wrote that 460 years ago and reading it now as I write it I can see how outdated it is. It might have made for a good comedy bit once upon a time however in the 25th century we don’t have these kinds of issues.

Children are taught in school that their soul is genderless and to take an androgynous view of self and others unless sex is actually on the table.

People are taught to accept their flesh regardless of which flesh they feel attracted to. They are taught to balance the feminine and masculine that exists within all humans. The idea of gender really doesn’t exist any longer accept for biology. Androgyny has become the most common way of life.

What people do behind closed doors is their business and it’s considered to be rude and distasteful to talk about what you do behind closed doors as you are disrespecting the one you did it with by sharing that private moment in public.

We have sex centers.

At these centers one learns about sex and how to make love and explore what they feel in a safe environment. They might have been seen as whores back in the 21st however these centers are not for fucking.

They’re educational centers and while the teachers will give you physical lessons they are not there to be used.

We’ve become much more responsible about sex over the centuries.

The one thing that is the focal point of that is that when a child is created it receives an emotional imprint from both parents at the time of conception.

In order to give a child the best start it’s important for the parents to be healthy, healed and whole when creating that life.

There are no men’s and women’s fashion any longer. There’s an androgynous way of dressing and we all wear the same stuff. The cosmetic industry that once dominated the lives of humans was done away with.

When I look at the world I started in and the world I live in now, I’m grateful for the mercy humanity showed itself by growing the fuck up and evolving.