Oh how I love me some Bob Seger.

This song is one reason why.

It’s a matter of patience.

As one masters patience one knows when to become impatient.

These situations happen rarely unless one has a job dealing with dementia.

My brother has patience for his Mom.

My new friend has patience with her patients.

I made a new friend. Let’s call her Miss.

Miss understands me when I speak.

It’s truly wonderful to have a conversation with one who gets you.

The intimacy shared, the trust shared.

This is what a gentleman is.

Patient to understand offering no judgement, if one feels guilty that’s on them. I’m as guilty as any and I know my own guilt.

Thankfully I really don’t have much the feel guilty about.

Miss is writing this, her spirit is guiding my words to show me the mirror is as perfect as it’s going to be.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

That’s where my day started.

Riding my scooter, I went to Safeway to get a ham and some sausage. Then I was off to work.

By 9am I was making eggs and sausage for my patient.

At 1pm I went over to see Sarge.

He was happy that I got the ham.

At 4pm it was time to head to my brother’s place.

It’s 530pm.

I’m done for the day.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I woke up and I said “I woke up today and the rest is gravy.”

I should’ve said the rest is the rests gravy.

I started my day walking an hour to work and I didn’t have my sun glasses. My eyes are extra sensitive to light. On a cloudy day I wear my shades. On a rainy day I figure I can do without them.

Oh how wrong I was. As I was walking I could see blue skies, I was about half way through the walk to Sarge’s.

By the time I got there, the sun was out and it was killing my eyes.

Sarge is a disabled Army veteran.

I use Instacart to get his groceries. Today he had to wait until after I left before they got there. I was annoyed.

Actually by this time I was irritated. Annoyance happened before I got there.

Then it rained like hell and I did need to walk. And I was grateful that my brother was out and about and picked my ass up.

He had been having a heart attack over his mom. We went to his place.

I listened and I listened.

And it seems we kind of got some shit figured out. His mom sleeps through the day and then she gets lively around 5 to 6 pm.

She used to work all day and then at night she used to be a dance instructor.

This is why she sleeps during the day and gets lively at night. It’s what her life was for 50 years.

Then Sarge called and he didn’t get the ham he ordered that was our Christmas dinner. In the morning I’m going to go and get a ham for our Christmas dinner.

I know I yelled when I got off the phone with Sarge. My brother was taken a back. I don’t yell. My brother has seen me pissed, and he knew I was pissed.

I calmed down rather quickly. I used to be quick to anger and quick to cool down.

It took all day for me to feel angry.

That’s an improvement. I used to take shit like this all the time, however I can allow myself to get angry when I look at the situation and if most people would get angry, I get it.

However, my anger has levels and I’ve said this before. A few days or weeks ago.

I live now, and I don’t worry about what happened and I don’t worry about what will happen. I focus on the here and now.

For the shit I can do, I have as fucked up time living life as anyone else. Just because I have shit that most people can’t do, doesn’t mean on the basic level of human being I don’t do fucked up shit.

I think or the story of Saul/Paul from the bible.

The dude stoned christians. Then God said you will do my work.

What are gonna do when God says…..

God is in everything.

However, if we had no idea what technology was, we would believe others were gods.

That’s where we get religion. Posers pretending to be God.

You don’t have to be a sinner, but it helps. How else can you give guidance to people if you have never sinned?

It’s how we all learn.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

The Young Rascals has got me.

I met a woman a few months ago, let’s call her Miss.

Today I had a real conversation with Miss, and I look forward to more.

I don’t like many people, I really like Miss.

I’m in love with the world.

I don’t like most of the world for their behavior.

Miss, the more she spoke, the more I wanted to hear more.

This doesn’t happen. Typically, I’m waiting for people to shut the fuck up.

Nobody does it better by Carly Simon kicked on the shuffle.

My brother, he is dealing with his Mom. There’s not much I can do, but I do what I can.

Dementia is a killer that kills daily. As I’m watching my brother twist himself in knots.

That whole finding the funny in the fucked up situation, not so funny right now.

I really hope Miss doesn’t read this. I gave her the site.

Get together by the Youngbloods is playing.

Why not get together and love each other?

Love is what makes the world go round, and all emotions are but one emotion called love showing it’s many splendor.

When one understands what love truly is, how could one not love in life and live in love?

Check the pages on the site to understand how well I understand love.

Yep I understand what the fuck I’m talking about.

I give it to you simply to show you how simple it truly is.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I love the king of pop, even after everything we’ve heard.

I may not like what he did, but I do love his music.

I’m asking him to change his ways.

I’m always asking. I’m always working at changing my ways.

Mediums are susceptible to possession by any entity.

I’m susceptible to possession by any entity.

What this means is I spend most of my day telling shit to fuck off. I will not allow it to exist within my body.

I am the soul, and I have a body. As a medium one gets to understand what that means on a deeply personal level.

How do I explain it to those who might be able to grasp the understanding?

The things I do are things I don’t think about because it’s part of who I am.

I don’t think about reading someone’s mind. I have to think, to concentrate to not go into their subconscious.

I don’t think about feeling anyone, I just feel a ton of people. I have to concentrate to block it out.

It’s why I’m having issues with the CE5 protocols that Steven Greer talks about.

Now, I’m going to tell some shit I probably shouldn’t because I can’t verify it.

As a medium I specialize in channeling spirit.

Aliens have spirits.

Now, I am not going to say that I have channeled aliens.

They have said I have channeled aliens as they speak to me through me.

However, until one shows up…..

Think about from my perspective.

You have a ton of shit that would love to use you and you spend most of your time making sure it can’t. While passing as off you couldn’t do any of the shit you can do, because you know most people don’t get it, and you used to be one of them.

Your that intelligent that you think of things like this, understanding that most won’t believe even if you proved it to them.

Why?

Social media has made narcissism a thing people don’t think about because they would have to understand what it was doing to them.

I think about it.

My entire life is built around peace.

Social media negates my peace.

It takes a few posts before I get sick of it.

It’s all the same thing on a repeat.

No original ideas.

Nikola Tesla said something like, I don’t care if they steal my ideas, I wish they had ideas of their own.

Ideas that are original.

Be original or stop talking.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Words matter.

I love Supertramp.

It kicked on as I decided to write. What I want to write about is how words matter.

You know your right to say.

This lyric is what catches my ear.

Right: a moral or legal entitlement to have or obtain something or to act in a certain way.

Free speech is a right under the constitution.

It’s the first right.

Every American has the right to say anything.

That means I can say honkey, spade, slope, sand nigger, redskin and you have the right to say what you want.

I can’t believe I wrote that last sentence.

We are all the same and only our egos tell us different. That and we come in colors. I’ve got at least 4 colors in my DNA from birth.

This is me calming myself down from writing that sentence.

I’ve got African, Asian, Cherokee, Persian, Eastern European, Dutch, French, the isles, and stuff in my genetic code.

Most of those slurs apply to me.

Ok, now I’m done.

However, what was your though about the sentence with racial slurs before you read it’s me slurring myself?

Had I put two words in, I’m a, changes things a little bit.

I’m a honkey, spade, and you get it.

Words matter.

Two words all can use, Thank you.

Thank you to me for waking up, meaning I didn’t die in my sleep.

Thank you to everything for everything because it took everything for me to wake up today.

Think about it.

It took everything since time began for each of us to wake up this morning, afternoon, evening, whatever works for you.

Why assume everyone wakes in the morning?

It takes time to remember, however we each have the time to remember we are not alone.

Take a view outside to understand that.

Words matter.

Being precise in how we speak, meaning we feel it. Think about it this way, it’s like saying anything when you don’t to say anything.

You don’t mean it, so why say it?

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Writing.

Looking at what I write to see if I can figure out what I missed.

My personality is a mental disorder.

I actually enjoy doing the CE5 protocols. You know working to contact aliens.

I love long discussions about stuff.

The operative word being long.

I love discussions that start somewhere and go everywhere.

Like I write.

I’m ADHD.

There used to be this thing that people used to do called commenting.

I get very few comments, and almost no conversation.

Apparently the idea if conversing with me scares the shit out of people.

Or

They just don’t know what the fuck to say.

I get most people aren’t hip to talking with themselves through me. Before I realized it was what I had done my entire life, I would have fucked me off.

I get that I got this coming.

My last wife, the one who thinks she owns my soul, I wish I was making that up.

She gave me a zodiac reading that shocked the shit of her, yet I wasn’t impressed.

Then she gave me a tarot reading that shocked the shit out of her, yet I wasn’t impressed.

Do you get where this going?

I do.

I wouldn’t have believed empaths exist until I realized I was one. The same thing about telepaths and mediums and other shit people can do.

However, I’ve had too many experiences with others to ever doubt myself.

Are you gonna go my way by Lenny Kravitz is playing. The song he said was the Christ singing.

Under pressure by Queen and Bowie just started.

This world is under pressure.

Some crack under pressure.

Some need pressure to wake the fuck up.

I’m never more at peace than when it’s a shit storm from all sides.

At peace like this, I’m jello.

Shaky but still holds it’s form.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Thank you Jasmine Fucking Cain.

If you’ve never heard of Jasmine, she won artist of the year in Nashville as a Hard Rock performer.

I think she might have a clue what she’s talking about.

It’s not just attitude, is what’s beneath the attitude.

Think about it.

I thought about it.

If one wants to give attitude,  as in giving a fictional performance using fictional emotions, one is a pansy.

It has to come from within.

This is why Bruce Lee said take anything anyone will teach you and make it uniquely your own, or something like that.

Make it uniquely your own.

Hence why I teach people to go within and learn from themselves.

Everyone has the ability to learn, there is nothing anyone can do about one who wants to learn.

However, if one has the ability the learn by oneself, one will learn much.

Every pupil that has a question, upsets those who already learned.

Why upset learning?

I’m order to control others.

The Mob Theory put into motion in the schools.

Put people in a group and the intellect of everyone in that group goes down to the lowest intellect of that group.

They’ve done studies.

Emotion takes over in a group. It’s easier to sway people with emotion than logic.

That’s why Trump won.

He uses emotions against people to make them fear what he wants them to fear.

It’s a simple tactic.

Once you understand how easily many people can be manipulated, one has a choice, one can manipulate easily enough, or one understands to do so even with the best of intentions, one will fuck people up.

I work at not fucking people up.

I work at assisting those who are bound and determined to save their own ass.

These people will make it.

Those waiting for someone to save their ass, will be waiting forever. As they should.

If you can’t find a way to save your ass, you aren’t looking very hard.

I’ve already saved my own ass enough times to understand the truth is what I speak.

The truth, not my truth, the truth.

One must save one’s own ass.

Be ready for assistance as one saves one’s own ass.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

INXS is the one that is responsible for this.

All our problems, all our fears seem to disappear.

That’s the lyric.

It doesn’t matter who your with, when your with someone, one of your problems disappears. As one and one converse, one forgets what problems one has. One doesn’t think about the fears one has.

And that’s the serious portion of our program.

I want to talk about losing me.

You see I’ve lost me and I miss me.

I’m not sure where I’ve gotten off to.

However if you find me, please return me.

Speaking of guinea pigs, where’s the chili?

It will cost a buck 2.85.

If you don’t start doing it I’m going to…I forgot what was I talking about.

I like cheese.

I did a thing and a thing did me and the we did this thing that made this thing and it was a thing.

I look at the unicorns who have licorice strands tied together for horns and they are made if marshmallow cream.

This is the Silly Minute.

If anything made sense, seek help, not from me, I wrote this shit and it doesn’t makes sense to me either.

I used to this weekly.

Let me know by commenting if I should do it again?

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Listening to the Bellamy Brothers as I walked in from my smoke.

Then as I’m writing, Run through the Jungle by Credence Clearwater Revival.

Let your love flow as you run through the jungle.

Why not?

I’ve done crazier shit.

Look at this way, I figured out what a gyre is and that it’s in everything and is the building blocks for existence.

Working at the communication between gyres is what I have left until the aliens show up.

That is shit that has no language.

It’s a telepathic language, meaning images with emotional concepts. Giving understanding at the speed of thought and emotion.

If we could use our consciousness to drive anywhere we wanted to, we could go everywhere.

We can go everywhere.

All we need to do is unlearn the shit, and learn the flow.

As it goes is where flows.

How you feel is where it goes.

If you live love you will go with loves flow.

Remember to breathe by Sturgill Simpson started playing.

Lay back and let it happen.

This is where most people have the biggest trouble.

Letting go is not easy.

Letting it happen, not doing anything.

That is a scary fucking thought to most people.

I let go all day everyday. I never have any idea where my day is going. I know where I need to be, but after that, I have zero control.

All I can do is manage myself.

And I do that by starting from a place of peace.

I forgive everyone of everything so that I can put peace in my heart, mind and soul.

As I run through the jungle of life letting love guide my every action.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Journey is the inspiration for this. It was the song that was in when I came in after having a smoke.

Followed by What I Got by Sublime.

If I allow myself to flow, what I want is what I have.

I give love daily to everyone.

I get love from others.

I have a job and a new one beginning later this month.

With this new job, I’ll be able to not have to worry about anything.

My life will be paid for.

All I want, truly want is to speak to an alien, extraterrestrial, non human being.

I have loved Star Trek for over 40 years. The idea that we could work with aliens has been the dream that Gene Roddenberry gave me.

I paused after writing that. It has been more than 40 years. Since I was 7 or 8 and I’m 50.

It’s good for me to take the time to understand what time used to mean to me. It allows me to fit in.

All that exists does so now. Now is forever.

There is no past not is there a future.

This is why I go with the flow. As I flow, I grow. On with the neverending journey and onto the the next point of interest on my road map to understanding.

Thank you Shinedown.

As you’ve read I truly dig the fuck out of this band.

This song was playing when I came back in and I decided to write.

I never have any idea about what I’m going to write until I read it.

That’s the intuive mindset.

No thinking.

I’ve had enough experience that if I need to stop and think, I’m in trouble and others might be as well. Thankfully I’m a thinker and a half.

I work at my intuive thinking, as I work on everything about me.

Even my clothes, I look like a homeless dude, no pays attention to the homeless.

Everything I do is synchronicity as we all are synchronistic.

That’s a new word synchronistic.

We each have a part to play in synchronicity as we live. Synchronicity is what brings people together based on who they are.

As they meet new synchronicities come about. As they talk everyone feels every word they are saying and it’s stored in the subconscious.

It’s why when we meet one we feel as if one can be trusted, because we felt everything they’ve ever said since we’ve been alive.

This is how the 100th monkey theory works.

I can explain what I can explain, and when I get new people I can explain it they way they will understand because their high self guides my words.

I get that I’m brilliant everyday, however what good is it to be brilliant in world that doesn’t want it, well most of the world, maybe more than half don’t want it.

I get this reads like I’m down, however I accept the truth.

Truth is, to be popular once must be entertaining to dumb people.

Truth is, to be rich one must fuck others over. This is on a level of thinking that is the reason I evolved myself.

Look at the pages on this site, I gave you everything you ever need to evolve yourself.

Brilliant, yeah I’m fuckin brilliant.

I saw Colleen again for my ride to work.

The conversation went better this time.

However, when I got to my destination, I had one thing to say “People try to impress me all the time, and I deflate them.”

It’s true.

My entire life I have watched people try to impress me. I don’t know why, however it happens.

I have tried to impress people and my ego took the beating it deserved.

See where this going, if I’m going to let other people trash the holy shit out of my ego, what do think happens?

I do to others as do to me.

This is a fucked up way to live. I’ve prepared myself for this.

I do to others what I would want others to do for me. The golden rule.

However, I noticed that most people don’t give a fuck about the golden rule.

I like to give them the business they’ve been giving others.

Understand I’m a professional and I choose my targets, well they choose themselves.

Let me explain.

I channel the higherself of others, whoever I’m with at the moment.

I have no off switch.

At times it feels like I’m constantly being setup by others who need the business brought to them.

Their higherself has had enough of their shit, and uses me to make sure they get it good.

The other ride I had today, Anita was a victim of her own doing. As I walked out I saw the car pulling away.

She had no apology, instead it was my fault.

I used her own words against her throughout the ride.

Her higherself used my mouth to use her words against her.

I really like when it is that easy.

Other times, I’ve waited for years.

Some dip shit, well let’s call him DS. Dip Shit.

Had no clue what the military has done and talked major shit to my face and then walked the fuck off.

3 years later I go into the smoke shop and I see DS.

I’m the customer who won’t shut the fuck up about the humanitarian missions I went on in the Air Force.

He couldn’t wait for me to stop talking, and I kept talking.

If you won’t let me respond, the universe uses synchronicity to find out where I can always find a captive, meaning held captive by their job and I get my response in and then some.

I don’t look at as vengeance, I forgive everyone all the time and go along my merry way.

However, when the universe gives me a gift, I go for it full tilt.

Don’t try this at home, you will fuck up all kinds of shit, I’m a professional Táltos.

I love Shinedown.

I walked in from having a smoke and Evolve was playing.

I took a Lyft for the first time on Thursday.

Colleen was my driver.

Chico is my hometown.

Colleen came here for graduate school and fell in love with the place, meaning she never used her degree.

She had already annoyed me with this.

My anger has levels going from mild annoyance to irritation to getting upset to I’m angry to I’m fuckin pissed to zero zone anger.

Meaning I ignored it.

When I was a supervisor for United Healthcare, I purposefully didn’t hire people who said they love Chico after getting degree at Chico State.

You spent all that money to get an education and you decided to fuck off the degree because you like living here.

Adding to the unemployment rate.

Adding a place to live.

I used to get fuckin pissed.

I’ve mellowed.

Colleen dug her self deeper, however I didn’t care after she told me she went to Chico State.

I may have said a few things after that such as, I can’t stand that when people here I’m from Chico all they can say is I got drunk there once.

I grew up here and I wish the university didn’t exist. I would be happy if they closed it.

Things such as this that made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

I knew what I was doing. I used to do this with a lot more gung ho.

Chico as the photo shows has a park.

This park is one of the largest city parks in the nation.

It’s like saying I went to New York and didn’t have a clue they had a park.

The park is that big.

Now, this photo was taken in Upper Park at Bear Hole on the old dam.

When I was a child I loved The Adventures of Robin Hood, the one with Errol Flynn.

Bidwell Park was Sherwood Forest.

I used to play on the log where the Robin and Little John had their words and then John ended up taking a dunk due to Robin.

I would play that scene in my head everytime I went to the park until my twenties.

That’s what a native Chicoan remembers about growing up in Chico.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Thank you to Shinedown.

Do your best

Do your worst

Show me where it hurts.

I’ve mastered patience. I realized it today.

Just now is when I realized it.

As I was sitting on the porch having a smoke, I was talking to myself, working on my programming.

I said everyone gets the patience I have with my son.

My son has always had and has my patience.

People who knew me, knew I wasn’t ever patient. I was always waiting on them.

People who know me, know how truly patient I am. People who know me, know I’m at peace.

Peace is what I use to give love to the universes on a constant.

Transmuting what I take in as an empath and turning it into pure love healing energy. This energy goes across the universes nearly instaneously as an orb.

I know how blessed I am.

I work at being me.

Every human being working behind a cash register hears “Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.”

At times it’s exactly what they needed to hear before the rest of their day.

Today I had new patient.

Parkinsons disease, like my dad.

He fell today. He fell last night and he couldn’t get up. Today when he fell I was patient with him.

Instead of hurrying to dial 911, I let him work at getting himself up. When he said call 911, I did. The firemen that showed up got him in his chair and he had no injuries.

We talked a bit. This was the first time he remembers that he couldn’t get himself up twice.

I get where he’s at. I watched my dad fight it every step of the way, often making me the target for his rage.

I get it.

My dad was the dude who could do anything he set his mind to. It’s where I get it.

Then his mind said fuck you I’m not working through Parkinsons.

Today I had to tell a dude if he falls, he has to call 911, because he can’t do it himself.

I hurt him with the truth. However I don’t want him to hurt himself or others. I tried like hell with my dad, but he never listened.

I hope this dude listens.

Then I was off to my brother from another mothers place for his mom’s 83rd birthday.

I saw my brother doing everything his mother would ever, could ever want for her birthday.

She has advanced Alzheimer’s.

Tomorrow she won’t even remember.

My brother knows this, but it’s his mom.

I was there to put her to bed. We use a hoyer lift to take her from the living room to her bed room. She weighs more than 300lbs. She has blown her knees completely out. She can’t even stand on her own.

I get that what we do, my brother and I, isn’t glamorous, and we don’t care. It needs to be done and we’re here to do it.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Let it play by Poison.

When I here music I listen to see if I like it, and if I don’t, why?

Why?

Looking at YouTube earlier today, music forms in our brains before words do.

I get it.

A telepathic species would think in music.

We are telepathic, some more than others. It makes sense.

Or I could be wrong, but follow me down the rabbit hole on this one.

Look at your life, how many times have you spoken the thoughts of others, or have you had your thoughts spoken to you?

It’s how I figured out I’m a telepath. I would say something and people would get this weird look, and of course I said “what?”

After 3 people told me I had just spoken what they said I figured I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.

I was born deaf. It took 2 years to figure out I was deaf.

As an empath and telepath I understood when my parents wanted my attention. It was when I turned the TV volume all the way up that mom figured it out.

I got ear tubes.

The tubes scarred my ear canal giving me ultra sensitive hearing.

From one extreme to the other.

I had a session with a dude and at one point I was talking and he stopped me and asked “how is your answering the questions I haven’t asked you yet?”

I could “hear” the questions in my mind as I was talking. He never had to speak the questions.

Any body want to give me an interview to see how full of shit I’m not?

Probably not, oh well.

How does one know if one never asks?

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose

Another session inspired by John Lennon.

Starting over is the way I live my life. I’m always starting over.

It used to be after a break up, I would start over.

Then I noticed something, everyday is a chance if starting over.

We are ever evolving at our rate, some go quickly through this evolution others go at less than a snails pace.

Never compare yourself with others. They have their path and one has the responsibility to stay on ones path.

This gets fucked because we care. We say we don’t, but we do.

As much as I can give it to you with the one talk, I had to grow into that.

I’m as stoned as I’ve been in quite a few months.

It’s because we care, the intuitive thing that was always the right thing, is now the wrong thing.

Think about it as if you could feel everything that was fucking someone up.

What if you could take it for a while?

What would do?

Here’s what I do.

I take it for them as long as I can stomach it.

I get most people won’t understand this, but I don’t care.

When is enough enough?

Depends on who you ask.

For some, a warning from a Dr gets through. For some it takes a friend. For some, no one ever gets through.

It’s frustrating dealing with the ones that no one will ever get through.

I channel the universal consciousness, a.k.a. God.

I don’t like it.

Give people the guidance the need from God and have them tell you that you have no idea what your talking about.

This is my life.

I had to be this stoned to write this, weed makes me honest to a fault.

It’s why I channel the higher self, the higher version of consciousness.

I this for everyone.

I understand that means I can, meaning I’m able to channel the universal consciousness, or any entity within.

Now, the multiverse, I don’t know but ni suppose if I can channel in this verse why not from other verses.

Writing The Devil’s Children, it felt as if I channeled the characters as they told their stories through me.

Steven King has said something similar. That he channels the stories.

How is this useful?

First people have to accept that it’s true.

Oh well, I’m fucked.

Not really, it’s a matter of perspective.

The fact that I live at this time understanding what I do and what I can’t write that people will never believe, it’s a life.

However,  I get it. Someone had to be me, and I’m good at it.

There’s a long ass story that I’m telling that is the story of my life.

Thank the Sick Puppies for this one.

There really is no going back.

I get people share the stories of what happened, and I do as well. However, when one is talking about the past, what emotion does one feel?

Depends on the memory.

I look back at the fucked up shit I’ve done that looking back is funny as hell.

When I was 26 I was hanging out with this guy who turned into a dude. If you don’t read me, you don’t know.

We had been invited to a women’s place for a party.

She had daughters.

As my buddy was doing shots of tequila on the back porch with another guy, let’s call him target.

There was a couch on the porch. There was a table next to the couch.

My buddy and target were doing shots. One of the daughters was sitting in the couch.

I was not drinking.

My buddy was hitting on the daughter.

I could tell she was going for it.

I told my buddy to come here I wanted to talk to him.

We stepped out into the lawn.

My buddy had this look on his face, happy and horny. He said he was mackin’  on the daughter and she was going for it.

I asked if he knew the age of the daughter.

He said “yeah, target told me she was 17.”

“No, she’s 13.”

I watched my buddies face go from happy horny to pissed as fuck in less than a second. He starting screaming “TARGET!”

He started looking for target.

This is when he found joe and told joe he was going to kill target.

The women who lived there, she had a roommate that target was dating.

My buddy and Joe, walked in on two portly people having sex. Target and his girlfriend.

I couldn’t have laughed my ass off anymore than I did that day.

For a good ten years, every time my buddy would get too big for his britches, I’d say “17” and that got him to shut down.

When all you have to say is a single number, you know your in someone’s head.

I used to be a huge asshole before I became the biggest dick I’ve ever met.

Team America World Police.

The whole dicks, pussies and assholes routine. Pussies complain and assholes shit all over everything and a dick fucks them both.

Paraphrased of course.

The shuffle is saying it’s time to Come Sail Away by Styx.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I love me some Buckcherry. The Fuck album was brilliant.

I hit the shuffle when I was in ready to write, this song was the first one that hit.

I don’t care.

These are powerful words.

Somebody bitching at you?

I don’t care.

That’s there problem and most people like to complain, however they want nothing to be done about it, otherwise they can’t complain.

You have to be able to tell the difference between venting, and complaining.

Complaining: if one gets a solution to the complaint and don’t stop complaining, or find something different to complain about.

The appropriate response is to say “I don’t care, come at me with a solution and I’ll listen. Til then, I don’t care.”

Or something like that.

Saying fuck it can explain a lot of my life.

Why did you that?

I figured, fuck it.

These two words have started many adventures, and one marriage and the divorce.

She was a crazy bitch and when she found out that was my ring tone for  her number, well let’s just say I got no nookie that night, however she was a nympho so the next night…

Enough about my nookie.

I haven’t had sex in over 10 years. The last wife made me a sex addict. The sex was that amazing, and frequent.

I tried online dating, fuck off.

If you don’t live in Chico, fuck off thinking about dating me.

I get that this has nothing to do with saying fuck it, but I decided to say Fuck it  and write it anyway.

In totally unrelated news, I used to work at United healthcare. There CEO got dead, assassinated.

When I worked there, they said no raises this year. Then the CEO got 14 million in a bonus.

I wanted to assassinate the CEO at that point. It was a different CEO.

Now that one has been gunned down, I wonder how the rest will react?

Personally my opinion is that they’ll hire some security people and then one is going to get gunned down anyway.

If you think about how many people in this country are pissed as fuck and seeing CEOs getting all that money while most of us are scraping by, I get it, I don’t support it.

I’m not for anyone getting killed, however I understand the mentality of the killer.

I once wanted to be a profiler. Get in the heads of serial killers.

I stopped when I realized at one point if I didn’t stop I would at some point kill someone just to do it.

That’s a fucked up thing to think about yourself at 22.

I get that I fit the mark for a serial killer.

If I profiled me and saw what my life was.

This dude ain’t a killer, he knows a few.

That I do. I’ve met many a murderer.

Those stories stay with me. Some secrets are not mine and I respect what was told in confidence.

I’m a Táltos, I think of it as confession. I give no absolution, but I listen to some fucked up shit.

I think this is a good place any to say Fuck it I done.

Midnight Rider by the Allman Brothers Band is playing.

When I think about the song, it always puts a video reel in my mind. Things I have done, things I shouldn’t have done, learning experiences.

I wish I hadn’t had to learn some of what I did. The people who were part of it, I’m pretty sure they could have done without the experience.

How often do we think, and then put others first?

I think back to my dad. He always bought flowers just because. He saw them and he knew his wife would like them. Thinking of her first.

Thinking he’ll get head for sure.

I did the same thing for women in my life, and the head I got tells me why my dad did it.

I get no one wants to think about me getting head.

The point is, when one feels appreciated, the extra mile ain’t extra.

I used to be the guy he did gallows humor, take fucked up shit and make it funny.

It’s been a while, but it’s coming back to me.

Looking at the next 4 years, I figure it’s better to laugh than to go insane getting angry.

I’m practicing.

Yesterday was not a gravy day, not was today full of good gravy.

How did I deal with my two days?

Yesterday I went to see my patient. He wasn’t home, but his scooter was there. He uses his scooter to get around. I knew something was up.

I texted my supervisor who is awesome by the way. I got paid for two hours and she called the hospital.

That’s where he was.

On Friday he had been smoking meth for a couple days. He was hallucinating when I left.

Last Monday he had a guy staying with him for a couple days. The guy stole money from my patient, a disabled veteran.

He had a few bad days before the meth. From what I understand meth helps with aches and pains. I get why he did it. He has had a back surgery that left him a foot shorter.

My patient called me today.

He didn’t sound good. He had said they wanted to release him today, however they wanted him to go to a convalescent facility for two to three weeks.

This is how sweet of a dude my patient is, he also said he didn’t want to go because it screw my hours up. And I wouldn’t get paid for two to three weeks.

I told him he doesn’t have to worry about me. He needs to worry about healing himself. And if they think that he needs to be in a convalescent facility for two to three weeks, that’s what I want him to do.

I’m filing for unemployment tomorrow.

Other than that I start looking for a new job for tomorrow.

The thing is I can’t survive unless I get unemployment.

I know this and it’s why I’m doing it tomorrow.

Today, I have a patient I visit one day a week for three hours. Today he gave me a turkey.

I love my disabled veterans. They are my brothers.

Yesterday I was up way too early to take my brother, non veteran, not blood, to get shots in his back because of how much pain he’s in. I was at his place tonight and I will be every night to help him put his Alzheimer’s mother to bed.

She can’t walk and he uses a hoyer lift to move her from her bed to the living room back and forth.

His sister is a liar and a half and he knows it. After he dealt with her earlier today, he was happy to see me when I showed up today.

And my arm is still sprained and riding my scooter, every bump hurts.

However I won’t be riding it for a few days.

Am I happy with the ways things turned out?

Yes and no.

It was a great feeling to know that my patient was more worried about me then himself. It was great getting a turkey. It was as great as it always is hanging out with my brother, the non vet.

Is there anything I can do about anything?

Tomorrow. And it’s planned.

That’s the no, if that’s the no, I will be ok.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Everyone asks this question at some point.

Even the greatest sinners can be saints, because all have sinned.

What exactly is sin?

If I take the long way around, sin something once done, you somehow knew you shouldn’t have done it.

That extra helping of whatever.

That one night stand.

That one lie.

What are the rules?

Life has no rules.

So in that case, if we were to come together and forgive everyone and work at getting along….

It’s a dream I have.

Imagine by John Lennon.

No religion.

We have people dying on the middle east over religion.

Who’s God is the real God and what is his holy word?

Or is it Gods.

In the Book of Khaos Majick I explain God is in everything.

Everything is a face and a facet of God trying to figure out what God made and what to do about it.

I wrote this book to be a spiritual guide. Meaning it doesn’t need me to teach it. If you understand what the text is saying, you get it.

Look at this way, I’m a Táltos, that means I have a mission from God, from everything, everything in the universe, the universal consciousness.

A consciousness that is the ocean and I am but a drop, and at times I speak as the ocean.

Everyone can do it.

Once you evolve yourself to understand that we are all connected and egos, and bodies make  us believe we’re separate.

I let go of everything.

While attachment can bring strength, one must go into the void by oneself.

The void is where you have hidden things for you to discover.

The allegory of the cave. Learn your cave, every crack and crevice should be mapped out.

Discover yourself.

You are brighter than you think.

You can do more than you think.

You are more than you think.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I love Iron Maiden.

The title is from the song Wasted Years.

I spend most of my time looking at myself with the eyes of others. Being a telepath I get when one wants to view my memories, and I’m aware when it happens and at times I know who.

I get most people can’t do this, this is why it’s hard to accept.

I’m happy with my life. I love my life.

Why would I let the past drag me down?

I’ve changed.

When I was 18, I would think of every sarcastic thing I could say to whatever anyone said. By 20 I could do it and make anything anyone said sexual. By 30 my wife at the time would set me up just to see what I would say, knowing I was that good.

When we divorced, I had told her women think I’m bragging about being the biggest smart ass ever. They tell me, it’s because you have met me.

Give me there number and I’ll tell them.

This was an actual conversation myself and my ex had.

By 35 I had starter to mellow, my son had a lot to do with that.

By 40 I thought I was chill, and I didn’t like making sarcastic comments. Most of my time was spent writing spiritual stuff in more than one blog.

By 45 I had my stroke.

For the first 3 weeks I couldn’t even remember the password for my computer. I couldn’t speak.

By 50 I’ve started writing again. My goal is to give to the betterment of humanity.

At times I’m shocked as shit by what I say.

I never expected to say that, at one point I said something completely different.

I get why people who knew me, look at me like I’m a stranger who gets stranger daily.

Being awake, being a truly woke person,this is what happens.

I’m in love with the world, however I don’t like many people.

The difference is this, when one is in love anything one asks of one, no problem.

When one loves one and doesn’t like them, one asks for shit and they get shit.

That had more than one meaning hidden within.

Against The Wind by Bob Seger is playing. It’s the only way one can fly, going against the wind.

It’s what I think when I hear this song as I’ve gone dead against the wind my entire life.

It ain’t over til it’s over. Someone said. Many ones have said.

But for this post, it’s over.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I started writing listening to The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News.

Then as I was writing this, Don’t Look Back by Boston came on.

I had a day.

The gravy was bad today.

My patient decided to smoke meth.

My son didn’t reply to the text I gave him yesterday.

And my pg&e hit for the month and I got it covered. But no bike for me.

And I missed a friend who needed some help.

Shitty fucking day.

Hears how I dealt with it.

My patient got the  worst thing I could say to him, “I’m disappointed.”

He made me throw the meth pipe away.

My son, he has memory issues from a bunch of concussions. 4 or 5.

He got “I get it, but you are not meeting the expectation you set. I’m not mad, disappointed definitely.”

He got it and apologized. And he’s setting a calendar event every two weeks.

FUCK! I THOUGHT PG&E WOULD GO DOWN!

Oh well. I got enough to cover it.

Talked to my friend, and I told him he’ll see me every day unless he gets help from another.

By 6pm, it’s close to 730pm as I’m writing this, things were resolved and I could relax.

Had I not been saying I forgive everyone of everything so that I can put peace in my heart mind and soul, I wouldn’t have made it through the day and I’d still be pissed about something.

I forgive everyone even me.

Because I make mistakes like everyone else.

I just don’t live in my mistakes. I figure out how to not make the same mistake again.

That’s what life is, make mistakes and learn to avoid them.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I get that most American homes had the same crazy aunt/uncle teaching children shit they shouldn’t know. They watched football and the parade. They all feel like they needed a nap.

However in some homes people don’t get along and yet they still show up because they’re family.

I used to be in the latter group.

I loved my family. I didn’t like my family.

My son is the only family I claim.

It’s not because he’s my son, it’s because he is a decent human being who thinks of others first.

The rest of my blood thinks of what others can do for them. What can they get from you?

This is how I was raised.

This is what I had to change in myself.

I like to think my son learned from me, but he also learned my bad shit.

The shit he learned by watching me, not what he learned by listening to me.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Which reminds me of the 100th monkey theory.

Teach a monkey a new trick, and every 100th monkey will do the same trick even though they have not been exposed to the first monkey.

Collective consciousness is what this proves.

As humankind is ready to make a leap forward, it will come from multiple places across the world.

What we think of as a discovery, something new, is just something that floated up through the subconscious once one had the experience to understand.

We are part of a collective universal consciousness.

What we think of as of discoveries, is nothing more than realizations.

Beings that come from not earth understand more than I could ever hope to understand, maybe not hope, I think, opinion, if it’s presented on simplistic terms I might get it the first time, I can’t be sure, however as I have lived, anything that ever made sense I learned instantly.

I have the experience of living my life seeing how at 4 years old I understood advance economics, at 9 years old I understood Jeet Kun do. At 3 years old I was exposed to the idea that all livings things are connected, the force.

At 50, I’ve learned a lot, and I still have a metric fuck ton to learn. I’ll never learn everything and that means my passion for learning will always find a way.

That’s something to be grateful for.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

At this point, what I say is the truth to the best of my knowledge.

I look at my life and what effect it has on others.

I don’t care about the effect, but I work to understand the effect.

I drift away in the flow.

What flow?

Think of life as eternal bunch of rivers. Every river goes everywhere eventually.

You could swap rivers at the interchange.

What do you hold onto?

For me, I hold onto things that need me.

There was once a guy I call Ken.

Ken was rich. He had something of a spiritual thing in his demeanor, however it was as fake as he was.

Ken wanted to hire me to be his master spy. I wish I was kidding.

He wanted to start this business using empaths and telepaths as corporate leadership consultants. The idea was they would steal corporate secrets from what they got from their abilities.

At one point I was on the phone with him and he said “I’m a genie Jim.”

In my head, what in the blue holy fuck did he just say?

What I did say “what?”

True story.

He said “I’m a genie. What do you want?”

At this point I was thinking what the fuck, why not buy into his delusion. So I said what I wanted in great detail.

Then he asked me to talk to one of his employees.

I did a clearing for her. Meaning I took every once of pain she had ever felt ad gave her a jump start with my energy.

Apparently she got stars in her eyes after I was done. I heard ken say something about it.

This was 11 years ago.

I found out ken died. It wasn’t something I was looking for, but I found out anyway.

Turns out he pissed in the wrong pool and that’s what got him killed.

The truth is stranger than fiction and my life has been a testament to that.

This is even the weirdest story I have and I’m still going with the flow.

I just finished a “job” for the Táltos part of my life and that means I need something to do.

I need someone who needs what I do.

Til the next time, do something.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.