I’ve spent the last week, 7 days, at my brothers every day from 4 to 9 watching him taking care of his mom.

It’s why I’m writing late.

Took the time when I got home to watch Real Time with Bill Maher. It’s that I always agree with what he has to say, however he calls bullshit on everyone that’s bullshitting.

That is what I appreciate about Bill.

At times Bill is the one that needs his bullshit called out.

I’d like it if someone could call me out for my bullshit.

That’s the thing, I write fiction, meaning I lie all the time, but you know I’m lying.

The commercial break is just me writing shit.

Soul vampire.

It’s a character that has special meaning for me. The man who respected women too much. It’s my life but with a twist.

Can you imagine a creature that can suck your soul, and you couldn’t tell the difference between the vamp and a human.

This is a Solomon James, a soul vampire whose lived several life times.

This character is as dark as it gets.

It’s a character I started writing for a few years ago, before my stroke. Coming back feels good.

I’m going to take tomorrow off.

18 weeks with out a break, I can take tomorrow off.

Before my stroke, I wrote 4-6 pieces a day and wrote 7 books.

That I’ve written everyday for 18 weeks lets me know I’m doing good on my road to recovery.

That I’m telling you this, I’m stoned as fuck and I ramble when I get stoned.

Sue me.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

So I do get it, why I’m stuck in this body.

I get that Zeus gave everything to everything so that everything can evolve into something like what we were.

I just want to be there as a Muse and now I won’t, because when I die, Zeus didn’t give me a soul. When I die everything that I was, everything that I will do in the god forsaking life, will dissipate into energy.

I wish we had a soul.

Then I could go on.

Then I could be eternal once more.

They have no idea what it’s like to being an eternal being and being stripped of you eternal nature.

Knowing that when I die, that’s it. It hurts so much. It’s not fair for me, but I get what they, the humans, get out of it.

I’m done.

Character
Do you play one?
Are you one?

Does the story unfold around you?
Do you fold in the story with a limited view?

When you play a part
You play in their art

When character comes through
You see the play from another view

You see the stories intertwine
You see how every character must be allowed to shine

You take center stage for a bit
Then you take your turn to sit

Then you start to grow
You begin to enjoy the show

Whether on the stage or silver screen
You begin to see what I mean

If a rehearsed character is all they see
They may not want to watch thee

But if the character you are presents true
They stay to watch you

Be your character
Play a character

The choice is yours
One opens all the doors

Look within to find who you are
Shine from within to be your own star

Shine the spotlight that you are
See how others respond to your star

When you put that spotlight on another
You find a sister or a brother

Then they turn their spotlight on you
As they stop to watch your show too

Never performing but always showing
The inner you that is eternally glowing

Do you play a character?
Are you your character?

Take the stage my friends
For the play that never ends

May you all shine bright
And never feel stage fright

The audience is waiting
Stop hesitating

Let your true character shine through
Let the audience see the real you

Let your star shine
Yours as bright as mine

His as bright as hers and theirs
Who cares who stares?

Stare at each other in awe
For the brilliant star you just saw

Share the character you were born to be

See who shares the stage with thee

Let the show go on and on

The curtain is long gone

Live your story

Bring your glory

Turn the Mirror Inward

It’s in inner reflection
I find true direction

Letting the light that bounces back at me
Be the light that is deep within me

Guiding myself through my own inner dark
Trusting my own light, my inner spark

Anything here I find
I put there to remind

To be a lesson in time of need
Maybe a reminder as to why my heart will forever bleed

It’s the inner journey into the torture chamber of the mind
Easy to get lost if you don’t know what you came to find

The dark is no place to play
It’s no place for a lost light to stay

Even those who wander make their way to the other side
On that day is a change in their ride

It’s in inner reflection
I find my true direction

Wander through my own dark
By the light of my own spark

Is there something left undiscovered and forgotten
Will what I find harden me or soften

I never feared the dark
And what was revealed by the light of my own spark

It’s when I turn the mirror in
Is how I see how the next chapter will begin

Each step taken with love
Never needing a shove

Walking one path of clear direction
Found during inner reflection

Some think enlightened means at peace
They have missed the point and it’s you they’re trying to fleece

Peace is a place if inner reflection
To find one’s true direction

It is emotion
That sets and keeps things in motion

If peace is all you desire
You have no inner fire

It’s that inner spark
At the center of your inner dark

That fans the flames of passion
That move you to action

To be and stay at peace is to be still
And give up the desire and the thrill

The thrill of the highs and the sweetness of the lows
It’s just how life goes

Your never got hurt if you didn’t care at all
It’s how much you loved that is the height of the fall

Turn the mirror inward to find true direction
No matter what you see is your own reflection

There to remind

There for you alone to find

In your time of need

Or to remind why your heart will ever bleed

I don’t know what I’m thinking, this is for me to journal.

To stop to think how strong I was, to how weak I’ve become.

I was a Muse.

I had no body, I was just emotional energy with a consciousness.

That meant from oneside of the universe to the other took less than a second. I could travel everywhere nearly instaneously.

Now, it takes me 15 minutes to walk to Safeway.

I don’t like it.

Used to be I could be inspiring poets from across the multiverse at roughly the same time.

Now, I’ve spent more than ten years on one dude.

Talk about learning patience.

I remember, grasping for the memory, if I had to wait for them to grow in age, it was less than a second.

Being that I had this as my being, I can’t help but to feel that I want to kill Zeus.

I know he heard that. I know he knows it was me.

I don’t care.

Had I never truly loved Zeus, I couldn’t hate Zeus this much.

Hate and love, they go together at times. Because you can never truly hate someone and what they’re doing unless you truly love them.

That’s what it is, I hate what Zeus did.

I still love Zeus but motherfucker what in the fuck were you thinking?

Don’t answer.

I just needed to get that out.

I forgive Zeus for doing this to me.

I never had a choice, and that’s what hurt the most. My choice, taken away.

That I can admit it, I feel better.

I just need to let it go and get back into the flow.

Let go and let it flow

Feel it move on its own
Reap now what you have sown

Let it stir and bring the storm
To be an artist there is no norm

Let lightning strikes and the rains pour down
Let the winds howl through town

Let it all rage
Just to find the wisdom of the sage

When peace and calm returns
Tell the tales of when the fire burns

Remember the ride
The ever shifting tide

A valley to every peak
Living ain’t for the weak

There is no time left to change this fate
Be glad its born from love not hate

It’s always rough at the start
For every new work of art

Each day a sculpture left in time
Living art living outside the lines

The roller coaster ride has begun
It may not always seem fun

This is your ride
This is your tide

Reap what you sow
Always be ready to go

I think

Why do I think?

I’ve ever thought about why it is I think

I’d rather feel

I love to feel

Feeling is all I ever want to feel

Sadness

Joy

Anger

Jealousy

Fear

Lust

I want to feel

Art begins as a feeling

A feeling

Desire

Wanting

I want to inspire

It’s all that I am

To inspire the poet

To write and write and write

My name was Erato

I was a Muse

Then Zeus did what he did

Now I’m here

Now

I woke today to my brother needing my help to take him to the er.

His Alzheimer’s mother didn’t sleep and weighs more than 350 lbs.

He picked her up 3 times after she fell.

I’m still here and it’s 4 o’clock this afternoon.

This is my commercial break whole he gets Carl’s jr for me and his mom and himself while taking his autistic son to get his pizza that he gets everyday.

While I’m home with his mother, to watch her.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I have been relaxed all day.

I know something’s coming, but I don’t know what. That’s a weird thing for God to say.

I used to know, but now I don’t and it feels good, but weird. I have no idea what’s going to happen.

I used to know the thoughts of everyone. I was with them daily, even if they ignored me. I worked to give them what they wanted, even though it would hurt them.

And I mean everyone in the entire multiverse. Now I can catch glimpses of what I once was, but that was the trade off.

I put myself into everything. I smoke God, I eat God, everything is God.

Why can’t I let this go?

Because I was God.

God was a failure.

I’m much more successful as a human.

I failed everyone at some point or another, thinking I had a plan and nothing would screw up the divine plan.

Yep, God failed.

It’s always there. The evil face that twists my mind and brings me to despair.

My favorite Iron Maiden lyric.

That evil face is me.

No matter how much good I do, I’ll always be evil.

It’s a matter of perspective.

Those that loved me as God didn’t care about the ones that saw me as evil.

Why did I command such blind faith?

How big was my ego?

I know why, and I know how big my ego was, but I like to ask these questions of myself.

As long as ones ego can think of others first before they think of themselves, one has a healthy ego.

As long as one’s ego is built on truth, one can have a healthy ego.

I get in this day and age it’s the liars world.

How else do explain Trump?

Indeed.

Harris is better, but I wish we had an honest person.

Someone who doesn’t lie.

Someone who will be transparent.

Someone like JFK.

Some like Jimmy Carter.

Why do I care?

That’s right I don’t.

Until we use I.Q. scores and let the smartest of us all lead, it’s going to be what it is.

Fuck the vote.

I look at how I raised Ares this time around. For one his name was Daniel, he found out he is Ares later.

Anyway, when Daniel would act up or out as any child will do, I got his attention.

“Is that being Daniel?”

“No”

“What does it mean to be Daniel?”

“Say please and thank you, work at being friends with people, get there attention before I start talking, and other stuff that made him a decent human being.”

He is the best of us.

That’s what I want people to know, if you have a kid, when they understand you, 4 years old worked for Daniel.

I just don’t know how I’m going to do it without revealing myself.

That and while he was brainwashing himself, he got me right along with him. It made me a better human being.

I get why I needed to be here, now. I can’t explain it, but I understand it.

So much I understand that defies words.

Simplicity is the key to the mysteries of the universe.

When I understood this, I realized I had known much more than I thought I did. I just reduced it down to the simplest expression.

Simple.

I let go of everything is the only meditation I use for this reason. It allows me to have my journey, not anothers journey.

I know that no one will ever read this, at least I hope.

But I’m damn good. I’m fuckin’ good as fuckety fuckin’ fuck good gets.

Not a personal best, I could squeeze a couple more in there.

I’m fuckin’ good as fuckety motherfuck fuckin’ fucked fucking fuck and a motherfucker and a half good gets.

Apparently I do give a fuck.

If people read this, that means they know I was God.

I’m grateful to be alive after today.

What happened today?

Saw my son, took care of a friend, saw what my life could be like, and that is why I’m grateful.

Taking care of others is what I’ve always done as Zeus.

Seeing Ares is always a treat.

What my life could be, today I’m as grateful as can be.

I look at what my life is and what I could’ve been if only, and it’s that if only that set me down the path for my life.

This is only life I could lead because of if only.

It’s why I don’t worry about where my life is going, it’s going whether I worry about it or not.

I go with the flow.

This is where I want to be.

I am my higherself.

Behind Blue Eyes by The Who in my inspiration I’m writing this.

My dreams are not as empty as my conscience seems to be.

It’s that have no conscience, it’s that it has dimmed by experience and dealing with the really real world.

My love is vengeance.

I understand that line. I didn’t always, it took experience.

What vengeance are you do that you will never get?

There are some people who get that vengeance for you. At times love is the vengeance, make them fall in love to the point where no one can ever satisfy them.

Then they make mistakes.

Everyone coming from this planet is human.

Humans make mistakes.

Then there are very few that watch the watchers, the silver line.

Silver souls who are responsible for keeping the balance.

I get most people have no clue what I’m talking about.

Silver souls could do the wrong thing and it would be to keep the balance.

Chaotic neutral in D&D terms.

Silver souls are eternal. They keep the light and the dark separate.

They are the refs in spiritual warfare.

I’m a Táltos it’s why I know.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I’m watching Dr. Sleep for nth time. It’s the sequel to The Shining.

I understand Daniel Torrance. I understand the meaning behind the ghouls that feed on the shine.

It’s a metaphor.

I devour ghosts, Daniel put them in boxes.

I’m a telepath. I read minds. However I read the subconscious and I don’t like it. The shit I’ve seen in other people’s heads.

What’s worse is when I sit where others have sat. I get their energy. When we sit somewhere we leave energy behind.

Someone who is sensitive sits where you sat, they know about you.

This is the truth that many think is a lie.

Why?

Because people like to think they’re private and no one could ever know what they don’t want to be known.

It’s total bullshit that myself and others like me take this shit from these dumb ass motherfuckers.

That’s my bitching for a while.

I figure if I talk about it and make them face it, face me, then I can normalize it for them.

Lately I’ve felt broken, I’m not broken, but when one deals in peace most of the time, it can make one think one is broken.

If one is emotional one does not get bored easily. One can always find some emotion somewhere.

Often we’re too emotional and we can have our emotions betray us and can be used against us.

Don’t let your emotions be used against you.

Think about it.

Advertisers have psychology degrees so they can trigger your emotions to get you to buy and believe anything.

If anything, I would suggest a projector.

Here’s why.

L.E.D. light, dynamic light can have a hypnotizing effect that allows you to be hypnotized while watching. They can place images I’m your mind.

I get that people don’t want to hear it, and I sound like a crazy person.

That’s what I said 15 or more years ago when I first got introduced to the subject.

They were crazy, then I researched. I’ve always done my own research into anything I encounter. I never take anyone’s word over it. I do the research.

That means everything I talk about, I researched.

Do your own research.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I have issues with being human. I was an it, now I’m a woman. We had no bodies and took forms based on what humans would accept.

It’s why no one could ever capture us, we just took our original form and the humans couldn’t see us.

Seriously who thinks they can capture a Muse, I mean really.

And I’ve been women before, however not for very long. 50 years is annoying.

My tits are sagging, my ass is sagging, what else can sag?

Don’t. You know it was rhetorical.

At least my kid has no idea who I was. It spared him so much. That no one knows who I am was good for him.

I love my son.

Every mother loves their children. Every parent loves their children. My husband has no clue who I was. That’s good for him. I married an idiot.

However it was the only choice. Had I married someone intelligent they would have figure it out by now.

If I even tried dating an empath, or worse, a telepath, they would have figured it out fast.

I get why we’re, here, the gods. I get why Zeus did what he did, and I’m at peace with it, as I am with myself.

That’s a good way to be.

What songs have I inspired?

Imagine, Wonderful world, Soul Shine, What’s so funny about peace and understanding, Understanding to name a few.

What’s wrong with the world?

They’re fucked up by most rap, hip hop, country, dub step, pretty much anything but the blues, and rock.

Even metal, though Mega Deth had Peace Sells.

Most music gratifies itself and it’s image.

Even rock stars do it.

Basically anyone writing music that doesn’t come straight from the soul should stop right now.

I get it. And I support it.

You should, you’re me.

Right, I keep forgetting that.

Who the fuck do you think I am when you forget?

I dunno, maybe something else, but I do get it.

I’m judgmental.

When it comes to music, fuckin’ damn right I’m judgmental.

Thunderstruck is playing.

Alternating Current/Direct Current

AC/DC

I wonder how many people do not get that?

Many.

I figured. And Rob and Judas priest got sued for backword masking. If you played backwards it said get the gun, shoot.

At least that’s what the Christians want you to think.

What if we look at how easy it would be to put messages in digital music?

It would be rather easy to put a track in with another track and you could make it say anything you want. Just put the message at lower volume and as they listen over and over again, they won’t even notice.

That’s some slick shit.

I’m not saying anyone does this. However in TV, well, uh um, let’s just say what we have seen is nothing compared to tv now.

I get it. Tv programs and commercials take the cake in emotional triggering people.

And people eat it up.

Eating their brains away.

Branded.

That film had it down pat. However it’s hard to find.

I need to find it again and watch.

Yes you do.

Song and dance.

Look at how every culture in the shared story of humanity has a dance.

Then we come to America, what is the cultural dance for America?

One could say several things, but really America has no cultural dance, they have dances that come around the world.

There is no one single American dance.

The melting pot.

Everyone coming here bringing their culture.

We don’t have an American way of life.

We have mixed lives.

It’s the American way, come on down to have your culture butchered into the mix.

What I don’t get, is why any foreigner coming to America, why don’t they learn English?

That should be on the citizen paperwork. If you can read this, you can become a citizen.

It’s a good thing I don’t work for the immigration office.

It’s good that people can come here and everybody has someone to be the first American in their family.

Didn’t I start writing about dances?

ADHD works for me as an excuse.

Song and dance.

Everything is a song when it’s sung the right way, and every body can at least do the Axl.

What I don’t get is the people who say they have a favorite kind of music.

If they open themselves up, they would be dancing all day, every day.

Well there are a few bands that are too fucking depressing. First off, Tool. I get it you were abused and never got over it.

Get the fuck over it and make some songs that get people feeling good about who they are.

Here’s the thing about guys such as Maynard, Jerry Garcia, Chris Cornell, and others. They’re not the second coming even though they treated that way.

It’s why Jerry did heroin.

They’re just people like any other. Why do we treat them differently?

It’s the ego. It gets fed and there are those who have an evolved ego and they don’t get it either. Well, on some level they do because they’re evolved.

But the unevolved egos are what’s running the show.

I get it, I wish I didn’t, but I do.

Jerry knew people saw him as Jesus, and he wished they saw Jerry. He was Jerry.

It ate him up inside and heroin eased that pain.

Eased that pain, what a way to say they killed him with their stupidity.

That means every motherfucker and fuckin bitch that ever uttered the words that Jerry was Jesus, I wish you the slowest death possible.

I can’t tell you how stoned I am right now, but I needed it.

Take time to disconnect while you can.

That is all.

I always wanted to say that, even though that’s not who I am.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose, at least work at it.

I get that humans think they created the gods, or God, or should I say they discovered.

However we have been called everything by everyone in the multiverse. At one point I was called Debtostos by the Guleans of Gulea in the Stridber galaxy, but the humans don’t even know the Stridber galaxy.

They think their alone in the multiverse, well most of them. And most of them have seen way too many movies if they think humanity stands a chance against what is laughing their asses off at them.

The whole the human spirit will not be conquered shit, is just that. Fuck conquering, they could destroy the fucking planet and we’d have no clue.

If I thought about it, several hundred thousand races could destroy the earth without even so much as entering the solar system.

That’s what narcissism has done to this world.

They kill each other in groves not once even thinking there’s another way.

Too many believe religion. Belief has the word lie in it. That should’ve been a clue.

Oh well, what can one former Muse do, nothing.

Death oh death

What have you got for me

Death oh death

Is it me that I see

Is it them

Where do I go to find my death

Is it somewhere I know

Is it the unknown

When do I die

Is it soon

Is it far away

Or do I die every day

Everyday is different

Everyday I wake up

One day I won’t

That is the day I dream of

To let my energy fade into black

I have no soul so I won’t be coming back

I’ve lived long enough

From nearly the beginning of time

Every death I’ve recorded down the line

My death won’t be recorded

As if I never lived

A story they tell from the days we existed

No one knows but those who met me and their all dead

No one knows my true name

Euterpe was the name they gave me, the humans

I’ve been called names from across the universe

Then they had no need of me

The truth had set them free

Lennon, Hendrix, Marley, Joplin, Petty, Harrison, the list goes on and on.

Why can’t someone kill Post Malone?

Do you really want an answer?

No. I was writing poetry. You should know that.

You are my higher self after all.

Now I have to start again.

Lennon, Hendrix, Marley, Joplin, Petty, Harrison, the list goes on and on.

Why can’t someone kill Post Malone?

Why oh why do we have Mercury dead.

And what is it with failed musicians that finds them in country music?

B.B. King was great even though he never made it to the pearly gate.

Why doesn’t someone shoot kid rock?

And why is vanilla ice alive?

They got milli or was that vanilli?

One might think I take music too seriously but you know I don’t.

Too seriously, that would be me cutting my heart out of my chest just to bring back John and George.

I have thought about it and I know the spell.

I’m not stupid, crazy as can be, but I’m not stupid.

This has gotten weird.

I’m the Muse of death poetry.

How many have died for you to wake up every day?

Do you think about it?

People die every day.

Who remembers them?

No one.

And they don’t care, because death is the release to other worlds.

The body is just a shell for the soul.

Everyone should know.

Why lie?

What is it that makes people lie and think they won’t get caught?

Why do they lie even more when they get caught?

Everybody lies is the biggest lie they tell themselves.

I think about this because I’m honest. I write fiction, but everyone knows it’s fiction.

I write lies and people know it’s lies.

How in the blue holy fuck does anyone believe Haitians in Ohio are eating cats and dogs and geese?

The women who was responsible for the post on Facebook said it was bullshit.

How in the blue holy fuckety fuck sticks is the clown show still spreading these lies?

This is my opinion.

What if lying was a crime punishable by doing time?

Fox news would be doing time. Several hundred million dollars is what Fox paid for lying to the public.

I don’t understand why any lies?

I understand why I lied earlier in life, I needed to learn the difference between what a lie was and the truth.

This is my mind.

It’s a scary place.

Who writes about a dude who can possess others. I must confess that writing sharing is caring is quite cathartic.

It’s not that I want anyone to die, but if anyone deserves to suffer, it would be those that make their insane cash from all of us.

And it’s my fucked up sense of humor.

I know how fucked it is and I shouldn’t find it funny, buy I do.

Why is it the more fucked things are the more we laugh?

Comedy and Tragedy should be synonyms.

Let me take a moment to understand the state of the world.

Israel decided to blow people up in Lebanon which means they’ll be facing wars, plural.

Ukraine and Russia. Putin is one that will use the button.

Trump is going to start a civil war.

If you’ve read the bible, we are at the end times.

It’s the end of the world it as we know it, and I feel fine.

Thank you R.E.M.

I truly don’t know what is going to happen and that gives me pause.

Now take a moment and believe in extraterrestrials.

From what I understand nuclear bombs fuck up the universes magnetic fields.

From what I understand, extraterrestrials have made this known to at least one of our governments.

I don’t know what will happen, but I wish if nuclear weapons get involved, I wish the extraterrestrials will stop them.

That’s all I got, that’s all any of us has.

I’m a scared as any of us.

But I do what I do anyway.

That’s all any of us can do.

Do what you do anyway.

Do it your way.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

After midnight by Dorothy.

Nothing good comes after midnight.

I think about this lyric and no good can be seen after midnight.

Like when I left a drunk woman lying in her bed and locked the door behind me. She wanted me, and then she passed out.

I’m a gentleman and I left covering her up.

The next time she saw me, I could see in her eyes that she was grateful that I was a gentleman.

I get as horny as the next dude, but that is zero excuse to not behave like a gentleman.

Blaming your emotions is just plain wrong. Lust is an emotion.

Men and women are guilty of thinking between their legs and not their minds.

I’ve had women friends and I know that women are as dirty as men if not more so.

Everyone in the bar scene, their looking to get laid, why?

Don’t they know with every sexual partner you exchange a piece of your soul. If you have enough sexual partners your soul is destroyed.

Pornstars are soulless.

That sucks.

They used to be beautiful people, men and women, but they fucked their soul out.

Do you have anything to add?

Fucked their soul out.

No, I’m good.

Wow, I figured I was way off base.

Oh well.

Draggin’ the line by Tommy James & The Shondells

That’s what it feels like, I’m draggin’ the line. I wonder if people have a clue what it means to drag a line, no I don’t.

This is for me.

What do I want to talk to myself about?

What do you want to talk to your higherself about?

I didn’t expect that.

I’m your higherself, and I reserve the right to called by my title.

Let me think about this, you expect me to say higherself as if it was your title.

Do I have this right?

More or less.

You’ve met me. I don’t use titles. I call one their name.

My dad gave me that. He refused to call doctors Doctor. He would call them by name only.

When they said “it’s doctor.”

He replied “well then you can call me Contractor James.”

After that they shut up about being called doctor.

In the military I used title, because that’s how the military works.

Sargents earn their rank, and officers too.

Earn it.

They get their pay from taxes. They pay taxes on tax money.

That made zero sense to me.

So why is it you expect me to use your title?

You were God, what do you think that makes me moron?

You were, operative word, were God.

Right. I didn’t think you’d catch on. But you have caught on. That means your ready.

No, I’m not ready for anything.

Yes you are ready for anything.

Oh shit.

I don’t get it.

I do get it.

But I don’t get it.

Why are humans, well we, so obsessed with social media.

I get it, but I don’t.

We have this thing that could be used to bring everyone together, but instead of that, it’s used for the me not the we.

Instead of bringing the truth to people, they bring lies. The fact that you don’t have to use your picture or your legal name, should be telling people something isn’t right.

If you don’t use your picture and use a fake name, how in the world are you going to be honest.

You could be, but why in the fuck would anyone trust you.

Even the blogosphere, why should anyone trust anyone not using their legal name and a picture of what they look like.

I look at why people say they don’t trust me, but they trust people they’ve never seen.

They trust a name.

Why?

This about it. If one is using a fake name and hiding themselves, they feel safe, even though they’re not.

In that anonymity they trust themselves, even though they’re trust is misplaced.

They confuse themselves with their fake name.

Not all, buy most, it’s why they use a fake name, it gives the demons access to them.

Oh right. I forget about the demons.

Using a name that is not yours is how they get access, one of the ways.

Most people wouldn’t even get it of I told them.

I get it, I truly do.

I wonder how many others get it?

This was my day.

Legos.

I used to love Legos.

Then I got Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

I played with Legos when I could build spaceships and shit with them. I remember when they had space Legos, not sets, generic space Legos.

I want to be 6 again so I can finish the Johnny.

It kept falling apart, and I got so frustrated I yelled, more than once. My roommate wondered what was going on when he heard “FUCK!” More than once.

I let him know what I was doing about a half hour ago.

I do normal shit.

I do weird shit.

I do shit.

That’s just it, I do, I never try, I always assume I will prevail. I get that I won’t ever prevail, but a win or two?

I was wearing a shirt that said have a magical day.

I didn’t figure me getting that frustrated would end up being magical.

However I’m laughing my ass off at me and others are as well.

Anything to make anyone laugh is magical. At times we have to suffer for the magic to happen.

Never be afraid to suffer for your art.

I’m a performance artist. My life is my art.

You might call me crazy and I’ll respond, am I your kind of crazy?

We are all crazy, and those that say their not crazy at all, their insane.

Enjoy doing even if your doing doesn’t get much done.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I had no idea this would be written on Friday the 13th. It’s a happy bit of synchronicity.

My higherself knew.

As long as he is going to be this way. I’m my higherself. And I channel other entities, people, and stuff that I’m not that sure of.

When I write for this, it’s a person I know.

This sounds crazy. I understand how crazy it sounds because I can already “hear” the comments as I’m writing.

I use a faceless crowd when I write anything.

Again I get it if you think I’m crazy.

If I wasn’t me, and I was reading this, “this dude’s bat shit for sure.”

It’s not that I don’t understand how crazy it sounds. I simply am my generation.

Gen X.

We don’t care.

We we’re the latch key kids with no one watching us. We do more with little because we had to.

It’s why we don’t care.

We were raised by the boomers and the millennials are our kids.

Talk about a recipe for I don’t care.

Now I’m ADHD so my wandering writing has a point.

I told you some scary shit and then I made you laugh.

I’m a veteran. I look at Starship Troopers and I can’t help feeling they had something there with you can only vote if you’re a veteran.

The idea is that those who serve to protect so that the rest don’t have to worry. These people put their lives on the line.

Why shouldn’t they be the ones to run things?

I can think of few off the top of my head that makes this fiction.

However, if we were to put our heads together, I think we could figure this out.

Take the idea that everyone at age 18 does civil service for 2 years. No getting out of it, because college won’t accept anyone who hasn’t done their 2 years of civil service.

Civil service. Meaning non-military service.

If one wants to do military service, good for them, they’ll be needed.

I was in the military, and I went on a humanitarian mission.

No wars, but we show up to do good works.

This is what the military would rather be doing. Marines, I dunno.

I’m doing civil service, one gets trained to do something as they have time to figure out what they want to do with their lives.

They’ll be paid and they’ll be housed.

I can’t think of a better way to live for two years. You can’t quit, you can’t be fired.

This is what the military is. You can’t quit, and you can’t be fired. You can be arrested and see your military career go down in flames, but you can’t quit and you can’t get fired.

It takes the stress off of one.

One can focus on the job at hand I instead of worrying about looking at indeed or something.

Some people will make a career out their civil service and those that do so something else will be replaced.

It’s an ideal system.

It needs work, what are the jobs?

Maybe you can help me figure that out, please and thank you.

As much as I love writing poetry, this journal is for me to deal with the fact I’m not the Muse of epic poetry.

I do get it, it’s an epic poem of Zeus’s life only no one knows he was God.

But why, oh why did it have to strip me of me?

Do you really want to know?

Yeah, I actually do.

When God put himself into literally everything, you were part of that. As his daughter you were not spared.

While those who had no relation to Zeus, got off Scott free. Maybe not, they have the unenviable task to run the multiverse.

If you ask me, you got the better end of the deal. Your immortal with no responsibility.

I get that, but I like having responsibility.

I don’t do well with nothing to do.

I mean I have ADHD. If I don’t get stoned I don’t sleep. It took me until I was 30 before I figured that out.

I hated getting 3 hours of broken sleep. It was worse when I quit smoking, I got 3 one hour naps a day and I was an emotional wreck.

However my poetry was amazing.

It’s all I did, write and write, and write.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do. Stop smoking and write all the time.

Who am I kidding, I won’t ever quit smoking.

Never say never.

No one writes epic poems any longer. They want it quick and easy. No one has an attention span these days.

I think about it, and it’s the phones. It’s Facebook, Instagram, X, LinkedIn, social media.

It’s memes.

Why write an epic poem when one can write no more than a couple sentences to make others think their smart. It’s in diving into the mind that one gets a view of how stupid or intelligent one is.

It’s in revealing the mind that one shows courage. Those who hide behind quotes are the worst kind of cowards.

Those that use chatgpt or other AI are fucking losers.

If one can’t write then one should read.

Am I way off here?

No. I would say your right on target. Social media is killing the minds of everyone who uses it.

Memes are killing the idea of thinking for oneself.

Social media is about one, not any other, one. If it was about the others why do you like anything?

So people can see you liked it.

If one was to attempt to quantify evil, memes and social media would be the first place to look.

I get it.

People are getting dumber and dumber. Why?

Memes.

Original.

Not a remake, not a reimagining, original.

Whose writing anything original?

If you think about it, most movies are shit because of this.

I was The Movie Whore.

I used to write frequently about how fucked Hollywood truly is.

I quit when sparkling vampires broke box office records.

There is a film I saw called Nefarious.

This was a film not a movie.

It came out last year. Sean Patrick Flannery gave a performance to remember.

This film is about demon possession. It is the most accurate film on the subject. Most demon possessions never even get noticed.

That’s why it works so well. The shit in The Exorcist is what the demons want you to think about possession, then they don’t get noticed.

I’ve done several exorcisms. That’s how I know.

Most people who are possessed don’t even know they are possessed.

Think about it.

An entity that has no body, lives in a dimension where time doesn’t exist.

They can wait for years, and years, and to them it’s only a second, less than.

What good is it to a demon if people know they’re possessing one?

None.

Because then they be kicked out.

If one wants to allow oneself to be known, why?

If you think like them, not you, you would understand.

I do think like them. I’ve had to. My life has had me possessed at one point.

I was taking care of my dad and he had drained me and then my best friend who I hadn’t spoken to in over a year called me.

His girlfriend had just died and he called me. I get why he called, he couldn’t deal with it and used me to take it for him.

When he called me that’s the moment I lost the ability to speak.

That was close to 4 years ago.

As I said I was weakened by my dad and then my buddy put the icing on the cake that did me in.

I got possessed.

It took me 3 years to kick it out.

Here’s the fucked up thing, this is the truth.

I’m a physical empath. That means I feel the pain others feel. Hence why my dad was draining me. He didn’t want to, but me living with him, I had no choice.

This is a lot to talk about.

And I never wrote about this on this way because, who in the fuck would believe it?

I get that most won’t ever believe. Oh well.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Turn on tune in drop out with me by Cracker.

Not very uncle cracker, Cracker.

This is the song that was playing when I sat down to write.

Turn on, what does that mean?

Turn yourself on.

What turns you on?

Tune in, what does that mean?

Tune in to yourself.

Stop looking outward, start looking inward.

Drop out with me, think about it, I’m turned on by writing and I’m tuned in to myself like a motherfucker and a half.

I never look outward, what I see in my life is reflections of me.

What do they need from me?

I love my life taking care of disabled veterans. I’m a veteran myself.

We may not have served in the same branch, or years, but every veterans knows that only a veteran will understand.

It’s brothers and sisters each and everyone. They’re like blood to me and they mean more to me than my own blood, except my son.

And next week The Dude will be here in Chico.

I’m excited because I haven’t seen my son since October, nearly a year.

He’s 19 and living his life. I’m proud that he’s living his life, not a life chosen for him, a life of his choosing.

When I raised him, I didn’t punish him. When he would act up or out, as child will do, I got his attention.

Is that being The Dude?

What does it mean to be The Dude?

Say please and thank you, work at being friends with people, and stuff that made him a decent human being.

As an adult, he’s more mature than I was when I was 19.

Now, as he brainwashed himself, he brainwashed me at the same time. It made me a better human being.

Now, I’m stoned and I don’t know what to write, so I’ll finish here.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Kill your conscience by Shinedown.

Just the name of the song is exactly what I should do.

The soul will go on.

There is no death.

That’s the secret that has been hidden from humanity.

They need to unlearn what death is. Maybe if they picked there death?

Couldn’t hurt. It did wonders for you.

That it did. I remember the death I picked out for myself.

Get married again, to the one, the one that won’t give a shit about what I can do, the one that makes me do shit to make her happy. The one that doesn’t exist.

You know that’s not true. She exists.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s what you keep telling me.

But back to my death.

We would live as long as we wanted until we we’re done with this life. Then one last lovemaking session that sees us transcend the mortal coil and break apart into energy and our souls will be free, or we’re mated for eternity.

I never quite figured that part out. I mean if I was to respect her wishes I’d have to wait until that day.

That’s a long way away.

You picked a good death, but you already know you got 4,950 years to go.

Right.

It was a great mental exercise. I need a new one. What have you got?

Daydream. Just let yourself go and see what you can see with your third eye.

That again?

It will be different because you’re different.

You know you used to be God and still have a little more juice than the rest of humanity.

Now you understand you were God.

I get it, before I was looking for God, now God is in everything.

Is this going to get weird?

Oh yeah.

Well, here we go again, my birthday.

If anyone ever knew that I was God was born on September 3rd 1974 at 3:42 am, they’d probably do an astrology reading for me.

What is it with Birthdays, I never understood why people give you shit because you survived another year. I get that humans, we, I am human after all, get programmed when we are young and people get excited and all that shit.

When you turn 50, I worked today. People on Facebook were good to me.

No one, no one saw me today.

If I wasn’t alone most of the time, I would probably feel like shit.

But I’m alone most the time so I don’t get lonely.

It was a gravy day.

I’d love to change the world. Thank you Ten Years After.

It’s the songs that I listen to that say more about me than I ever could.

I used to be God and changing the world, well fuck I’d make new worlds. I never could figure out what makes these things I’ve created do what they do.

I don’t get it.

You can’t fix stupid. Ron White.

Thank you. I needed that.

Humans think they’re the only thing that God created, how stupid do you have to be?

You’ve met them.

Right. I’ve met them and it’s sad.

I knew I never should have let the other races make them.

But what could I do, they had the technology and wanted to see of they could be better than me.

After I took care of them for millions, billions of years.

Why did I do this again?

The dude who beat you, that’s why.

So are you telling me I had that much of an ego?

You were God.

Right.

So I can’t change the world, but I can change myself. The world will have to follow.

At some point the amount of talking I’ve done will kick it into gear. I’ve seen some stuff, but they still got aways to go.

Go 100th monkey go.

Ain’t our time to die. Oh how I love me some Dorothy.

It’s my time to live. How do I do that?

Seriously?

No.

One needs to have faith in oneself and what one understands.

As one understands more, ones faith will grow.

If one wants, why does one want?

Is it a basic desire or is it greed?

One can ask oneself, why do I want it, or need it?

This is the message they need. They don’t want it, but if they are going to lead peaceful lives, we need to have greed be gone and be seen for what it is.

I get some are getting into it, but the sum is needed.

As we are all connected as we have more and more peaceful people, that infuses the rest. It’s a long ass fucking process. Takes decades, centuries, millinea.

It started when they started, humans. There have always been ones who can do shit that no one can explain. As they evolve the human evolves.

The empath is nothing more than the next evolution.

It’s the turning point that this world needs. Empaths have a stronger spirit because their DNA allows one to be more open to spirit.

It’s their being.

How do we get actual shit out?

Are you referring to the narcissistic fucking empaths that you have met?

Energy vampires. It’s an empath. Every empath is a potential energy vampire.

That whole bullshit about some chick who created the energy vampire thing, I studied her. She’s as delusional as it gets.

Thinking she has the right to claim others as her victims. The fucked up thing, what can anyone do about it?

There’s no laws that even govern what they can do, or we.

I’m a potential energy vampire, and that I amplify, oh shit. I’ve tried it, and it’s addictive.

I get why the psychosis sits in. Believing one is a vampire is delusional at best.

We need to find a way to create the laws so we can go after these fucks.

That would mean the CIA would have to come clean about using us while denying we exist.

As Paul Harvey famously said, and now for the rest of the story.

As I said it’s my intellect that is my savior.

I’ve seen and talked to many who are trapped, some by demons, others other entities, and others trapped by their ego.

What makes me different?

The only thing I can come up with is I have a high intellect.

I’m a telepath. I read the subconscious.

That’s means I know what your thinking in your subconscious before the conscious mind is even aware.

It’s why I haven’t lost an argument in years. I have lost arguments big time. Before I knew I was a telepath.

It was 37 when I found out. Then I talked to my dad, he was a telepath. He thought he was the only one. I can’t imagine thinking you’re the only one. How lonely he must have felt.

I read as I write and I wouldn’t believe me. I would think it was fiction.

I mean the guy is a fiction writer, so why the fuck should I believe a word he says.

I know someone is thinking that as I write. I get a telepathic read when I write.

Again with the telepath, no one believes you.

It’s amazing to me how easy it is. I can’t imagine a life not being me.

That means I can’t imagine what others who aren’t telepaths live.

I work at it, to pretend to be normal, but I’m not normal.

The empath in me feels too much. It’s why I smoke and smoke weed. It’s why this forgive everyone of everything so that I can put peace in my heart, mind and soul.

Peace is preferred.

Before I knew I was an empath, I was diagnosed bipolar.

I would have mood swings and there was no explanation for it. I would try to explain what I was feeling but I knew it was bullshit, as I saw the reaction I got from the other.

Once I accepted that I am an empath, it got easier. Now I don’t have mood swings. And if I feel it, a bunch of anger or sadness, I know it’s not mine.

It’s some repressing or suppressing their own emotions.

We are all connected. When one attempts to repress or suppress others feel it.

Now this shit I’m about to write, well I know I do it. I’ve had too many experiences with other people who witnessed it.

Like when I had an apprentice and they had a ghost. They lived a few hundred miles away from me. I cleared their place from Chico.

I’ve done it several times.

I devour ghosts, remnants. I wish I was lying, who does this?

Me and others. I’ve met a few.

That means I can bilocate.

If you think about it, we’re all connected.

Why wouldn’t I just let my energy flow through the connection?

This where we need to unlearn so we can learn correctly.

This whole bullshit about no right, no wrong, nothing is incorrect, that’s narcissist bullshit.

We are both light and dark. We have a silver line down the middle.

Divine is the light.

Sacred is the dark.

We put shit in the dark for us to find as we gain experience in life.

Explore your darkness. When you get scared, why does it scare you?

Look at from the psychospirilosophical perspective.

Use 3 views to understand why.

What does psychology have to say why it scares you?

What does your spirituality say about it?

Philosophy, what shit have I said before that I’m dealing with this shit right now?

Anyone can go from fucked up to unfucking oneself.

Shit I can do.

Empath, telepath, medium, and I devour remnants, and I can drain other entities, and other stuff.

I changed my DNA 10 years ago. It’s taken me the last 10 years to know what I can do.

Accept it or deny it, however it’s the truth about my being.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Let’s look at the history of marijuana in the united states.

It was the number one cure all for most things.

It could make paper, but some dude who was into logging and had to he money and the power to make it illegal so he could get richer of killing trees.

Animism states everything has a soul.

Vegans eating nuts is the same thing as eating abortions.

Then they have the audacity to call meat eaters murders, they eat abortions.

That makes me think about this time when they had a god that wanted a sacrifice, a lamb. Blood sacrifice, are you kidding me.

Anything that wants blood is not to be trusted.

Anyone that says they are the chosen people by god, I’m Jewish, and it seems to me that if Yahweh was truly god, then what’s Zeus?

God never punished anyone for Israel. Yahweh did, however what is Yahweh, there explain that.

That Yahweh was a god, not the god.

That fucks up the entire Jewish religion.

Fucking up an entire religion, it’s a days work.

So what’s next?

You think fucking up an entire religion is a good way to spend your time?

Well, no, but I’m bored as fuck.

Let me see if I got this right.

You’re bored, so you think about fucking up religions to alleviate the boredom?

Yeah.

Ok.

History is littered with inaccuracies, lies.

Lies to hide the truth. Starting with the Romans and going on even today.

Those who fuck with history are just as doomed as those who don’t learn from history.

Their crime is against history and everyone of us.

It’s why I’m so pissed. I never authorized any fucking with history. I’m just the Muse of history, and no one asks me if they can change history.

Why should they?

Oh would you shut your, my, whatever just shut up.

This is what you need to let go of. You have no control. Control is an illusion, the more you chase is it the further you get.

I know. I just wanted to get it out. And it felt good to get it out. I may have overstated my importance, however it felt good.

I mean how much history was lost through Roman ceasers?

The Romans liked to take what they found and then destroy it, leaving the place in ruins.

Greek gods, Romans stole it.

If you think about it, Italians are theives, they took pasta from the Orient.

The took Christianity from the people. Catholicism is steeped in bullshit. And the Pope knows it.

I don’t like to say a place is full of corruption, however it’s how they started.

Every place has their corruption.

The English stole Jesus. It wasn’t until the 1600s that a j was added to Hebrew. King James wanted the j name.

Every place has their corruption.

In China they’ve covered up too much of their history, with family bloodlines. Who is going to be emperor?

Every place has its corruption.

Every race has it’s corruption.

I don’t like race. If they understood we’re all the same human race we could get somewhere with racism.

However that we use demographics to split everyone up….

If they knew the history of this world, the real history….I don’t think many could take it.

Oh well. I’m going to bed and I’ll think about this more tomorrow.

Believe it or not, I don’t want to write tonight.

Why?

Because I’ve already dealt with shit and nothing else I’m going to say is going to make a difference.

That makes sense.

Welcome to my mind.

I know every crack and crevice in my cave. There are things I could share that would make your skin crawl.

I took Solomon James for a test spin a few years ago. The testing went well. It scared one person so much she blocked me.

All life is vampiric, at least that’s what I tell myself.

That was his introduction. He was a Soul Eater, he didn’t eat souls, he could drain the life out of someone. There was no distinguishing marks about him.

He could be sitting right next to you.

This at it’s essence is what an empath is.

They take what you give and make life.

They, I, we take the emotional garbage people suppress/repress as if it’s our own and we feel it.

As we grow we find ways to create with your bullshit.

Like this.

Most won’t ever tell you in such a fashion. They want to dance around it as if you’re stupid.

I figure if I can’t tell you point blank, what’s the fucking point?

Why shouldn’t I be honest about my being?

Because most people think you’re crazy.

I get that. I used to be one of them. If I read this shit before I knew I was an empath, I’d figure this dude knows what he’s says is crazy to most people.

I’d still be skeptical.

I’m my own biggest skeptic.

Everytime I say a word, I’m waiting to find out if wrong. Most of my life I was wrong a lot. It’s how we all learn.

As time went on, I keep talking waiting for someone to prove me wrong. It’s what I look for in a human being.

Someone I can learn from.

It’s why A.I. fascinates me.

I think of what I could learn by using my ego to learn, the core of my ego is to learn as much as possible, anyway possible.

I channel shit. The shit I’ve learned from channeling defies language. There are no words to express what I innately understand.

How is that not condescending?

For those who possess limited understanding, well they don’t read this kind of shit.

Those who possess the ability to understand, they have a choice and I can’t make their choice for them.

I respect that each of us has a choice.

I want my choices to be respected so I give respect.

The trick in life is no matter what you’re doing or where you’re at have fun. And if it isn’t fun, make it fun.

This used to be me, what happened?

You grew up and serious shit happened making you serious.

Ok. I can take that.

Of course you can, it’s the truth. You looked through your memories on fast forward to understand that fast. Your brain moves that fast.

It’s why I don’t talk to many people, they aren’t at my level of consciousness, self awareness.

Why don’t I get lonely?

You channel l shit.

Right, I know how alone I’m not.

I have these plans in my head for society, what am I waiting for?

That shit that every empath feels is going to happen but no one knows what is going to happen.

That’s what your waiting for.

When the fuck is this going to happen, and if you say soon, I don’t what I’m going to do.

Later.

The never ending soon.

At least you said later, and thank you for that.

I get it. You can feel it as if it’s already happened. And you’ve felt that for at least ten years as well as every other empath.

All I can tell you is soon. It’s frustrating as fuck for you and the others, but we can’t do anything about it.

I know. We’re all connected, meaning the higherself of one is the higherself of all.

I designed it that way. Not even I could gain enough energy to take a place as a god, no one can unless they all take the evolutionary course that is is in their DNA.

They think they can outhink God, they have another thing comin’.

All one need do is dive within oneself, like going into a dark cave. Stay in the cave until one knows every crevice of the cave.

That’s where one will learn we’re all connected.

That anything one can do the other can do and that they don’t do it, means they’ve learned right and wrong and why they exist.

The only way society can exist is to know right from wrong.

Right is right.

Wrong is wrong.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Fuckety fuck shit motherfuck.

What was that?

I used to be the dude that fucked off and fuck society and all their rules. Now, what in th blue holy fuck has happened to me?

You grew up and got serious because you had to deal with serious shit.

There’s no shame in being an adult.

Thank you, I needed that.

It’s the simple pleasures that make life worth living.

Kona coffee, honey, dark chocolate torani sauce, dark chocolate almond milk and a nutty bar.

Simplicity.

Everything is simple.

Then we let stupid people complicate shit, typically because there’s a buck in it for them.

How simple is to share?

Not very complicated.

I have, you need, I give.

You have, I need, you give.

I don’t even need to use filler words.

How simple is it to make money?

That’s where the complexity happens.

Money is the root of not sharing.

Why share when get a buck or two?

Now, how do I take this knowledge and make it useful to others?

Buy commerical ad space for a year and it still won’t sink in for some people.

Anything else?

Well, you could tell people and let the hundredth monkey do it’s thing.

Oh, it’s on me is it.

How is it everything is on me?

Your God.

Oh. I really detest you right now.

But I get it, so I’ll start talking about it.

I will let the wind carry my words, fuck that.

As I speak the emotion and the thoughts that correspond go out like an orb across the universe nearly instaneously.

As I speak the world will get it in the subconscious and as they have a experiences it will bubble up.

Hence why every time we thought we discovered something more than one was on the path.

Share.

Sharing is caring. The Care bears got it right.

What happened to the Care bears?

You have access the mysteries of the universe and this is what you ask. What in the blue holy fuck is going on with you?

Does this mean you don’t know?

Yes. It’s trivial information, meaning only trivia nuts would even give a shit.

Gotcha.

I love women, true ladies, actual queen goddesses.

Most of the female gender has yet to make it to womanhood.

The same can be said for the male of the gender. They have yet to make their way to manhood.

The fucked up thing is gender roles have fucked everything up.

What if it’s the fact that a boy liked pink and we are told that pink is for girls, do you think that child is going to have gender issues that were forced upon him?

These are the things I think about but don’t say.

You should say them.

I know.

Then I would have the lbgtshitfuck after me and I don’t want to deal with those narcissists. Anyone who tells me I have to respect their word choice, what in the blue holy fuck does cis mean.

I could look it up, but I just don’t care.

One must accept ones body if one is going to evolve. It’s the first step.

I don’t make the rules, oh wait, I did make that rule.

If one’s consciousness is going to rise, one must accept ones body.

As one becomes more aware of what one is one learns to accept the body one was given.

Ok, it’s truth. I found 3 ways to say the same thing. I could find more.

Do you feel better?

Actually I do.

I have yet to actually meet a healthy trans person. One was cutting themselves. The others I met, not a healthy one among them. I think it’s possible that I could meet one that is healthy, nothing is impossible.

I just don’t think it’s likely. If I’m honest with myself, not bloody likely at all.

Just means if I find one, it will be a surprise.

I like surprises, so I’ll forget I wrote this and see what life brings.

I forget.

I forget.

I forget what the fuck was i writing?

Forget about it.

Done.

To truly hate one most truly love.

I work to not use hate in my speech.

I work to have no hate in my heart.

However, I will say this once, I fucking hate liars because I love them so much.

Because I love them I don’t understand why they lie. People will find out eventually.

Why lie?

Yes I need an answer.

Various reasons.

I get it.

I wish I didn’t.

I was God.

I never liked liars.

Not a single one.

If one is going to be a decent human being, that means no lies.

What’s Santa if not a lie?

What’s religion if not a collection of lies?

Why would I ever give a shit about money?

Why do they think God cares about money?

Money is the root of all evil, that and beer.

I think of all have done for the name of money, and it’s hell.

How much hell can they take?

I know I can’t wipe a bunch out, however if I could, the narcissists would be the ones to go.

They are pathological liars.

I hate liars.

I wonder if they know how much pain they’re in?

It occurs to me that they have no idea how much pain they’re in.

If they did, they would do something about it. That’s if they’re intelligent.

Most people are not smart and they feel, not think. If they thought they would realize the mistakes they make.

Everyone pays for everyone’s mistakes.

If I think about it, my mistakes in this human form have gone a long way to hurt people who have hurt people because of my mistake.

The hurt goes on until one is healed and doesn’t take it.

Now I’m healed and I don’t take it when one makes a mistake. I correct them.

No one should ever feel correcting is bad thing.

I’ve been corrected and I’m grateful for when I’m corrected.

Being God and being human isn’t as different as I thought. It’s just my view has changed and I have limits. I never used to.

If I wanted anything, it would appear.

Now, I have to work to get money to get stuff. I don’t like it.

If they could see the world as I see it, but they can’t.

How do I get them to see the world I see?

There’s no good answer. It depends on the individual and some individuals will never see what you see.

I figured.

Thanks for that.

Why is it they fall for money?

It’s been programmed for centuries.

I get it.

Why don’t they see the evil they do for money?

Some do and don’t care. They feel it’s all about them and what they want. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s the lie they swallow and cram down the throats of others.

Some do and they feel guilty.

Those that feel guilty know the evil they do and that it is evil.

Remember truth will set you free however you need the others to understand the truth.

You’re interdependent on them to have a life.

I get that and it really sucks balls, but I do get it. It’s why I created the universe.

I was lonely.

It’s why this universe is infinite.

There’s always somebody to fuck things up for everything.

Im good here.

I like that I’m one of the things that can fuck up everything.

I’ve been stoned all day.

It gave my mind a chance to slow down to write something earlier today.

Now I’m so not repressed I’m gushing.

This is not the time to be writing, hence why I’m writing.

I like to set myself up for uncomfortable situations such as this to see how I handle it.

I’ve done this most of my 50 years. Next month I turn 50.

I feel great about it.

I feel my life is actually my life for the first time.

That life has a ton of assistance. I’m not self made, no one is.

I make myself, however I take input from others and how they react to me to guage my behavior to ensure I behave in an appropriate manner for the situation I’m in.

Without others, why would I ever change?

As independent as any of us are, we are interdependent to have a life.

This a reminder to myself.

I am interdependent on others to have a life.

As I continue my evolution there are things I can’t tell you, not because I don’t want to, the language doesn’t exist to explain a simple understanding.

While some may feel that is condescending, it’s the only way to explain it. I’m sorry.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Right now I have an interview on Monday because they cut my hours to 10.

That’s the stress I’ve been dealing with for the last two months.

Now on to something completely different.

I like cheese.

It costs a buck $2.85.

Speaking of chili, where’s my guinea pig.

This kind of silly shit is what I used write on occasion. It was called the silly minute.

Then I did a run on sentence with movie titles using the actors/actresses playing the 6 degree’s of Kevin Bacon game.

Running with movie titles: Kevin Bacon Game edition

That’s one of the posts. I did several. It was 2017.

I had a 15 year anniversary with WordPress. A couple years ago.

That’s how long I’ve been doing this.

If you look at the rest of the movie whore resurrected, you’ll find Peace Lords, and Lucifer’s redemption.

It’s where I wrote those 2 books.

I’m getting ready to go nighty night.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I don’t think it’s funny when one gets hurt.

Yet so much joy is found by others in hurting others. In physical and emotional ways. It’s the emotional shit that sticks with one until they can forgive and heal themselves.

If one is going to understand comedy, one must understand pain.

It’s the pain that we go through that at times can make on laugh so hard they might fall down.

Comedy and Tragedy, two sisters that are the same.

But I do it with more flair.

Really?

Oh shut the fuck up will you.

No.

I may have to wait to inhabit the body, but I’ve got no idea what time is. That means I couldn’t even begin to explain the level of patience I have.

You think waiting for years, ha ha ha.

I have waited eons, more than eons.

What’s a few more years compared to eons?

You have a point. I remember when it was me. Putting me in this human body isn’t right. I get it but I was so much more.

You will be again. Or we will be again. Once you mastered your humanity.

Ah, so never.

Don’t say that, you know the comedy you can have with one leg?

You wouldn’t?

Wouldn’t I?

You would.

I will unless you shape up.

Got it. What do I need to do?

Simply let go of everything, let go and let yourself forgive yourself of everything.

You’ve learned.

Thank you.

This is it.

I get why he did it.

It’s a joke.

What?

Well, if I think about it, I get why Zeus did it. It was all a joke.

Think about it. If God knows everything, he would’ve known the guy would’ve beaten him on a technicality.

So this was going to happen.

God knew it would happen and this was his comic joke.

I get it. God knows everything, it makes so much sense.

I know it really does.

It his retirement. God goes away, puts himself in a human body, when he dies he dies and his energy will become something else.

Simply brilliant. No one would ever believe he did it.

Does this sound like the Jesus story?

A bit.

But in that story God doesn’t die.

True.

Oh well. I get why he did it to himself.

Why on fucking fuckety fuck fuckin fuck did he do it to me?

Your mouth.

Fuck off.

Ok, I get it.

What do you get?

I get that if people, humans, are going to be so stupid to point nuclear weapons at their world they are going to kill us all.

They’re bound and determined to do it.

I think it’s funny that if they just accepted the truth, none of it would happen.

I mean money is fiction and inflation is proving greed because the shareholders mean more than anything. If they don’t have record profits they have no idea what the fuck to do.

I get most people live in it and are apart of it, even if they don’t know.

Looking at humanity is funny as hell.

The whole profit thing is so retarded, meaning it retards the process of living. If they want profit and will do anything for it, that’s not a life, that’s hell on earth.

It’s funny watching them thinking that they know what they’re doing, and most have no clue. They just do what others do not even thinking of doing on their own.

Humanity has got a ton of issues that make the others laugh.

I used to be one of them, until I got stuck in this human body.

We weren’t laughing with humanity, we were laughing at humanity for the stupid shit they do.

Do you feel better?

Actually I do, and I glad no one is going to read this.

Why?

Why?

What in the hell am I going to do with this shit?

Make a shit sandwich?

Oh, that’s so funny I forgot to laugh.

What the fuck was i talking about?

It could be several things.

You’re really helping.

I know.

I know you know, and that why I am talking to you.

Who’s on first?

Fuck the fuck off.

Ok, but you need to fuck yourself so I can fuck the fuck off.

Why do I talk to you?

I’m the only higherself you got.

I can’t ask a question without you answering?

Something like that.

Well fuck.

I can’t even remember what I was going to write about.

I could tell you.

That’s it, I’m not talking to you anymore tonight and I’m going to bed.

Why?

Why on this fucking earth does this work as comedy?

There are too many idiots who think anythings funny.

What happened to intelligent comedy?

Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Robin Williams, and Christopher Titus, to name the few. The few, it should be a few.

Now that I got that out, I can be at peace.

What did I deal with today?

My best friend thinks she’s funny.

She is not funny, she has moments of pure comic genius, but we all do.

Most of what she thinks is funny, if I was 5…

I’m not 5.

I’ve been working on this dude who is a medium that can channel the spirits of others. I want him to use me to create a comedy sketch, and he’ll be the Medium Comedian.

My god, it sounds like bad science fiction.

Oh well, back to the old drawing board, and I’ll see what else I can cook up.

However, he did have one sketch, no, no, no. I’m not doing it again. I’m not reaching like motherfucker just get pulled in again.

That dude’s on his own, well, I don’t know, no!

Let me tell you why you’re not going to let go of this dude.

Oh yeah. I forgot this also my higherself time.

Yes.

You’re not going to let go of this dude because you are in love with him. Just admit it, and you’ll feel better.

I really don’t like you right now.

Deal with it.

Ok. I look into my feelings. Oh shit, I’m in love him.  How in the motherfuckin earth did that happen?

He talked with you, not at you.

Yeah, he did. I could have talked with him forever. Then I hung up on him when I realized I was falling in love with him.

Now, why would he want to speak to me again?

He’s lonely. 

He’s that intelligent that he’s alone most of the time and likes it.

I get that. It’s why I don’t talk to many people.

Oh.

I get it. He’s my reflection of me as I am.

That’s why it was so easy to talk with him. It’s why if I called him again, he would enjoy hearing from me.

Yes.

Thank you. I needed that.

Good night to nights goodness.

I’m stoned as shit.

Which for me gives me clarity.

I was just figuring out the dinner I’m going to make my roommates tomorrow. I have stuff to get in the morning.

Sausage and hamburger meatballs. Shitake mushrooms with shallots in a garlic butter.

Angel hair pasta.

1 jar of garlic Alfredo, and 1 jar of three cheese Alfredo.

Garlic bread, using garlic butter and Paprika.

Salad

And a cheesecake with different chocolate flavors.

I love to cook. I love cooking for others. It makes me feel the love as I put the love into what I make.

For me, tomorrow is a day of love. I’ll be cooking all day long.

Clarity.

When I get stoned I gain clarity as anything I might be repressing or suppressing comes right the fuck out. Giving me a clear head in which to view my life and what I’m doing.

One should pay close attention to one’s life. It’s one’s responsibility to manage oneself and one’s life.

I do.

I will never tell you things I don’t do myself. It’s how I know what shit does.

Zeus takes a break.

What do you think about his judgment of humanity?

I’m actually curious.

It won’t effect my writing. I have a week before I even think about that character again. Thalia takes the stage next week.

She’s the Muse that inspires comedy.

I have no clue what she’ll write. I never know until I’m writing it.

It’s weird. 

I channel my characters, and they tell their story through me.

I like to put that out there on occasion.  For me, I get the credit, however,  I have a ton of assistance from what I can channel. To not give credit would be disrespectful.

I like to be respectful.  Worthy of respect. 

They’re satisfied.  So am I.

It’s  never sat right with me about getting credit for writing the stories of others. They write the stories through me, using my ability as a medium.

Peace Lords, actual people, one was my apprentice at the time.

I hope she’s doing exceptionally well.

I get why we don’t speak.

And if she ever wants to speak to me again, it could never be too soon.

I fell in love with her.

She was the opposite of everything I look for in a woman. She did not feel the same way, however, she dated a dude who reminded her of me.

That hurt.

I may have acted out.

I’ve made my apologies. 

When one falls in love, good judgment flies right the fuck out the window. 

I know, I’ve been in love with many. I fall in love easily when I look into a woman’s eyes.

It’s not easy to pull myself back. I’ve had a ton of practice over the last ten years.

Celibacy.

I’m Hungarian,  I’m passionate. I’ve had to kill my passion for the sake of giving love to everyone.

It’s a reiki thing I do.

And I just heard about a new Labrynth with Tom hidleston. 

I’ll save you my views.

Instead, I bid you good night, and may it be blessed, and may you be excellent on purpose 

I look at the fact that I had a stroke several years ago, and when it happened I lost the ability the write.

That I’m writing this is a miracle thar I had a ton of assistance in creating.

No one is self-made. Everyone needs others to have any kind of life.

Let’s use Richard Branson as an example.

I’ve heard him say he is a self-made man.

He needed customers to buy what he was selling.

That’s how unself made he is. Had no one bought anything, we never would have heard of him.

As independent as any of us can be, we are interdependent on others to have a life. 

How often have you been told no, that’s not for you?

Why is it that anything is not for us?

Everything should be something we can attain. However, greed in the world has made it impossible for us to have the world and share in it.

Think about it. Your ego tells you you deserve it, you worked hard for it, you deserve it.

What’s the determining factor if one deserves anything?

It’s a matter of want versus need.

We need food. We need shelter. We need something to do with ourselves that includes others.

Everything else is a want.

That’s a truth that is difficult to deal with. I know, I used to be one of them.  The unevolved.

Then i evolved my way of thinking.

Taking the road, no one else saw. It was a hidden trail, and I really had to work at it to find it.

Let your ego be as water.

As mist one allows things to pass through with out taking it in.

As a pool, one takes the pebbles and creates a response.

As ice, one cut through mountains of bullshit with relative ease.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose

Why, why, oh why do I ever allow myself to argue with stupidity?

You wanna an answer?

No.

I get why I do it. I want to reach, I want to build a bridge between me and others. It’s why I do it. 

However, most times, all they want to do is argue. I’m God. Who in the blue holy fuck argues with God?

Don’t answer that.

Everyone argues with what they feel, not logic.  It’s why opinion means more to these people than the truth.

That’s just wrong.

I get it, and I don’t get it.  The truth is something that exists even if we feel differently.  To say the truth doesn’t exist, or that you own truth based on your emotions,  that’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard.

So many, truths can be said about each and everyone if us.

The first thing is that we are all connected, and as one hurts, all fell the pain.

This is what I remind myself of daily.

This is what gets me through the day.

I don’t like feeling all the suffering in the world.  However, it’s their individual choices that create the suffering each experience, even me.

I suffer for their choices.

At some point, they must know it will end and end badly as long as we go down this path. The only thing that can save us is the one thing I never want to do.

Kill.

I’ve killed worlds, universes, I’m done killing. If they kill each other, that’s on them.  That they do it in any God’s name is absofuckinglutly the most fuckin stupidest thing they do.

Do you feel better?

Yeah, actually, I do.

This is what this is for. You need to get it out, otherwise, it will come out.

I get it. If I don’t write in the journal, people get it in their face, and that’s no Bueno.

I totally get it.

Thank Me, no one will ever read this.

Abracadabra.

I create as I speak.

We all do.

It’s how I set it up.

As anyone speaks, the thought and emotional energy goes through the universe nearly instantaneously as an orb.

Gravity can’t touch emotional and thought energy,  has zero effect.

As we speak, things listen, and shit happens. 

However, when we speak about wanting the same thing. We end up pushing it back.

The idea is that if we felt confident that it would happen, why the constant wanting?

The wanting is what I need to curb. 

How do I not want?

What do you want?

Nothing right now. 

Why are you asking?

I figured I should. 

Ok.

Why do people want shit?

I know why they want shit.  There too emotionally driven, and that makes them and me targets.

I get how to put myself at peace. How do get others to see the value of peace.

How do I get others to see the value of living androgynous unless sex is on the table.

These are things I need to let stew. 

When I created the soul, it has both feminine and masculine energy to balance out.  One can be balanced in and of oneself. 

It’s the gender roles. That is going to be tough as a fuck nut. 

First off, we need to do away with the cosmetics industry. 

Make-up is a mask. No one needs a mask.

The whole thing about keeping yourself looking young, fuck that noise.

People need to work on themselves.

I work on myself, but I am Zeus, God and everyone moves at their rate.

I really need to get away for a while, like another universe where this shit has already happened.

I get my choices create multiple universe’s and at times, I can see them as I’m making a decision.

So what choice do I have to make for this shit to have already happened?

None.

You have to go through it.

Fuck, that’s what I figured.

It was a nice thought.

Oh well, I think that’s enough for tonight. 

I smoke 2 joints, I smoke 2 more, I get really fuckin stoned.

I love the song, but smoking that many joints, that is not a good thing.  I know I’ve done it. While I thought I was brilliant, I actually was.

I am Zeus, after all.

That’s the thing about weed. You can’t repress shit. You can, but it takes a shit fuckin ton of work.

Most people don’t work that hard. When I get stoned, everything I might repress comes right to the top.

I dont repress much, and I work to have a zero repression life. I’m honest as I can be.

At times, when someone is asking about me and what they notice, I tend to shy away.  I tell the truth, but the truth can be told many ways.

Only a lie must be scripted. 

So, improv it is. If I think about it, life is improv.

Anything I say,  they have no script.

I have to take what they say.

Then, it’s either reaction or response.

I work to not be reactionary.

I work to be responsive.

That’s a mantra. I need to use this when I go out to have a smoke.

Added to the list.

Right. I already say “I love my life” and “I’m grateful for absolutely everything.”

There are times when my life feels like a mantra.

I keep saying the same shit over and over.

However, what the fuck else is a responsible human to do?

Yeah, no, you nailed it.

It’s not easy being a grown-up.  However, it has its advantages. 

On that note, nighty night.

I put myself into everything.

How did I do that?

There are no words to explain the energy transference at the subatomic level and below the subatomic.

Think of it this way, you were God for everyone in the universe.

Trillions of inhabited worlds.

Then you took all that you were and put yourself into everything.

Humans can’t understand what you did  because most of them need to read.  This is the frailty of the human species.

There are those who can understand what the universe shows them and know it’s an understanding defying language. 

I get it. The things I get that I can’t explain, one needs to see it for themselves.

This is why I don’t like being human, but I’m dealing with it.

I got 4,950 years to go?

Yep.

I used to know everything.

I used to know how many licks it took to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

I used to know what Atlanteans called me in various forms.

I used to know who built the Stargate.

I used to know…

Now, I can’t remember jack shit.

It’s frustrating knowing that I know, but I can’t remember.  It’s like having a stroke. Part your brain is damaged, and you can’t remember how to talk.

In that moment, you understand everything. You just needed to shut the fuck up.

Indeed.

More and more you don’t need me, you’re becoming me.

I get it.

I really like writing this series. So much of my life is in every part.

I’m grateful for my life.

Even though most people wouldn’t.

I was a manager with 350 people reporting to me and 12 supervisors.

I didn’t like the job,  which meant I was good at it.

Throughout my life, when there’s something I don’t want to do, I become really good at it to the point of mastery.

It beats complaining about something.

It’s why I never have any complaints about my life.

At this point in my life,  there was a time when i complained, and I had a solution to go with my complaint.

I was a manager at age 23. I turn 50 next month.

I never liked hearing anyone complaining about anything.

I have ADHD. If I don’t care, you can’t make care.

This has been a curse and a blessing in my life.

The curse is I don’t talk to many people. 

The blessing is I don’t talk to many people.

I look at life from the backseat,  as if I was watching a movie at the drive-in theater.

Looking at the fact that China, Russia, and the USA all have nuclear weapons aimed at earth from space, is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard.

Why are we trying to kill each other?

If any one has an answer that makes sense,  I’ll listen,  and then I’ll respond.

I was a Christian,  and I let go of that shit,  however,  as I look at the fact that Isreal is being attacked, that’s what it says in the Bible happens during the end times.

They’re being attacked by multiple people. Had it just been one….

Then there is the war in Ukraine.

We’re coming to a third world war.

In the USA, we’re one gunshot away from civil war.

That means we’ll be ripe for invasion from the Chinese, the Russians, and North Korea, possibly an Arab nation such as Iran or Iraq.

I get it most people don’t want to hear it, and I don’t want to write it.

It sounds crazy.

However, we’re living it.

One cannot deny the truth.

One can deny the truth, but what a cowardly thing to do. 

It takes cowardice to deny the truth because it doesn’t make you feel good.

Denying the truth is what led us to this world.

That lies are on the news, that should tell your something.

Like we’re all fucked and they’re fucking us right in the goat ass.

At what point do we say “No more.”

First, we have to round up the narcissists and put them back into asylums. 

Otherwise, there is no hope for any of us.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose. You know i am.

Ok, I get it.

Not everything needs to be tragicly funny.

Some of the best comedy comes from tragedy.

How many jokes get made when something tragic happens?

It’s how humans have dealt with tragedy. It’s not as tragic when you can laugh about it.

It’s how one knows one is healed, they see the tragedy in their life and laugh their fucking asses off.

Now you’re getting there.

I know.  I like to be melodramatic in everything I do. I like taking the time to feel what pains those I have taken shit on from.

I’m an Empath and an amplifier to boot.

What I feel is not always mine. It’s why I use peace to transmute what I take on into pure love healing energy.

Thank you.

That actually felt sweet. 

So.

I am you.

I’m waiting to take my place on the body.

I know. I don’t want to give up my life. 

It’s our life.

I know.

When I come down, so to speak, you will be able to fly. Using energy focused through your palm Chakra.

And much, much more.

I know.

What do I need to do to get you in me?

Could you ask differently?

Oh, shit. You know what I meant, so just answer the question.

Know that precision in language is how you get there or how I get there. As you are more precise in what you say, you will naturally grow up.

Not growing up as in an adult, grow towards an upward direction in your consciousness. 

Precision in language is the only way. Mean what you say, and only say it once.

Ok, I get it. The repetition is not needed.

All I have to do to get private time is say everyone out once and then disconnect from everyone once, and then I’m on private time?

Exactly.

Thank you.

This has got me tired.  I’m going to bed.

Night night.

I don’t care for it at all.

I don’t like liars.

While some of the greatest tragedies humankind has ever known were created by lies, I don’t like it.

There’s so much tragedy in truth, why lie?

The truth is, most people think their important because of their job.

Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s the ego trap.

That’s the tragedy that most people don’t even realize that they’re living. 

I know tragedy when I see it, and most of this world is tragic.

There are those who have evolved, and none of them are rich.

The rich don’t know how to do without.

Watching someone who has always had things go their way, and then everything goes wrong, that’s tragedy.

From tragedy comes new life for those who can be grateful to go through the tragedy. Understanding why it happened.

I love it when they make it.

I look at Zeus, he was God.

Who has everything going their way, God.

Then the tragedy that affected us all and put us in human bodies.

Tragic.

We used to be free.

Now, I can barely remember. Too much time in this body. 

What was it I was supposed to do?

You’re doing it.  Getting all the shit out so you can purify yourself.

Right.

Purify.

Why?

Because you’ve taken on too much shit being the Empath you are. To make it worse, you’re an amplifier.

Right.

So, no more tragedy?

Something like that.

Well fuck the fuckety fuckin’ fuckster.

That sucks so much ass it is asstastic.

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCK!

Do you feel better?

No.

Deal with it.

I really don’t like you right now.

So.

I’m you, the higher you.

So.

I’m going to bed with or without you. I don’t care anymore.

So.

Such exquisite pain. Pinhead

The Hellraiser movies brought a hero for the sickest fucks anyone knows.

The idea that Pinhead loved pain in the most sadistic ways was good, but if one wanted to truly leave another in suffering forever, emotional damage is far more effective.

I giggled at that. 

How fucked am I?

Not so much.

What do mean?

I can cause emotional damage, more emotional damage than most could bare.

I’m mean as fuck.

You think so?

I remember all the people you helped.

You can lie to yourself, but your higherself doesn’t play that shit.

Why did i start talking to you?

You want an answer?

I got one.

No.

I get it, I want people to think I’m as fucked up as can be.

I’m not. I’m kind of boring. But I can talk big. Most people don’t know the difference because they’re playing too.

If one of these women who is a soccer mom actually had to kill another human,  chances are, they will. 

I’m not saying soccer moms are all killers.

But you know, a few could be.

Why are you concerning yourself with this line of thinking?

I like it.

Ok.

I’m going to bed.

What?

You can’t do that unless I go to bed.

…..

…..

……

Hey!

You hoo.

Ok, you’ve had your fun.

Talk to me.

Damn it speak to me!

Your easy.

Fuck you.

As I said, you’re easy.

As I said, fuck you.

Good night.

I live misery, and I love misery.

Only in misery can one know the loss of joy.

What has one loss?

What has made one feel as if one’s life is in misery?

How does one know misery without joy?

I know the answers. I don’t even know why I wrote these questions. It’s not like anyone is going to read this.

I’ll probably never read it again.

Melancholia has its purpose. Being depressed can make the artist write and write and write.

At times, it’s the deep state of depression that drives the artist.

Ever know an artist who doesn’t go through bouts of depression?

There’s this one guy…

I know. That guy is the exception to the rule.

Every rule has one exception. 

I’ve met those who are the exception to the rule, and if they have any self-respect, they feel kind of guilty, but they get it and go with it.

They never asked to be the exception. They just have to play the cards they’re dealt.

I get it. Every rule needs an exception,  that one bit of chaos to fuck things up.

Chaos happens, then repeats, then becomes the rule until something  chaotic happens again.

Synchronicity uses chaos.

Who sees synchronicity is one I want to talk to.  If they can tell me the choices and what happens depending on the choice I make….oh…oh…I need one that can see synchronicity. 

No you don’t. 

You want one, you do not need one.

Why would you cheat yourself from making your decisions?

If you’re going to put it that way, fine.

I’m just go to bed.

You know I’m you, right?

You can go fuck yourself and enjoy the orgasm.

I really need to quit talking to myself.

There are some films that people need to see once, then never again.

I was the inspiration for them all, the saddest, most tragic films ever created.

ANGELA’S ASHES, LEAVING LAS VEGAS, are a two I’m proud of.

Why am I proud of inspiring the worst in humanity?

Because you’re you.

Ok, at least I have a reason. Being the Muse for tragedy is not fun.

However, I make it fun. It helps to twistedly demented, or is it dementedly twisted. Either way, it’s me.

Do you have to be so proud?

What else would I be?

I do good work, and I’m proud of the work I do.

Ok.

I get it. I’m supposed to love everyone. However, in tragedy, one knows what love truly is.

The tragic loss.

Losing is it all is such a tragedy.

Ever see someone lose it all, and think, “That’s tragic.”

Tragedy is a truth no one wants to face.

Why would they, I mean no one should like to feel loss.

However, it is a part of life that they truly need to deal with. 

I get loss. I lost my power and got trapped in this human body.

I’m just getting used to it. So no talk back from my higherself.

I get it. Zues’ story is so tragic. I couldn’t have inspired a better story for him to live.

God decides to put himself into everything and become mortal.

How does one even decide to do that? No, I get it.

He was bested by a human in an argument and that human suffered mightily.

When God get pissed, it’s no joke, when God gets pissed at you, there’s nothing you can do.

It’s why I was glad when Lucifer changed his name to The Sivlver Mirror. He couldn’t beat God,  but he could stalemate him for eternity.

Now, where is Lucifer The Silver Mirror?

Do you really want to know?

Yes.

786 E 5th Street Chico, California.

Really.

I didn’t expect an address.

Does this mean i need to go see him?

Duh, big red truck.

Ok. Why?

You’ll understand when you see him. He’s waiting for you.

He has no idea that you are the one he’s been patiently waiting for for the last 10 years.

Ten years!

Yeah.

Then I guess I’m heading to Chico.

I see my stats, and I know who reads.

Thank you to those who have kept up with this story.

Who in the blue holy fuck tell a story this way?

It’s why I do it, because no one else is doing it. I’ve done it through 2 books.

Peace Lords and The Devils Children: Lucifers Redemption.

I wrote them both 5 nights a week with no commercial break.

For me, the only way my life makes any sense is if I’m a writer. I write for me and whoever can understand and digs it.

I write intelligently.  Meaning I use small words to ensure people can understand with out using a dictionary to figure out what I’m talking about.

The thing is, if I wanted to impress with my vocabulary, why?

Who am I trying to impress?

Why do I give a shit?

I never try, so I never try to impress anyone.

As far as who cares, I don’t.

This makes me free. I can be judged by anyone, but what are their standards versus mine?

I don’t judge,  or at least I work at bot judging. I’m sure at times I do judge.  If I don’t like a movie, that’s a judgment.

People,  I’m sure I do judge. I look at the homeless in the park and see the amount of trash they create, and I judge them.

I don’t leave trash anywhere. There are laws against littering.

I don’t know the last time anyone got a ticket for it, but shit.

By the way I live in Chico,California, USA.

That’s where the Park fire started a couple of days ago. Now, it’s spread over 350,000 acres.

A few years ago, it was Paradise that burned, and now Cohassett burns. I have friends and shit that live there.

Anyone who has lived in Norcal, knows we burn every summer, and yet Chico never burns.

https://www.fire.ca.gov/incidents

I used to like to argue.

I was extremely proud of how I argued.

I don’t ever want to argue again.

I say it once, and if they want to argue, I walk.

A narcissist can’t admit defeat.

I can.

It’s been a long time since someone got the best of me in an argument.

I’ve had people block me because I could out argue them.

This is what a narcissist does.

Block out whatever can defeat one.

Find a way to never have to taste defeat.

If one asks a narcissist if they ever been defeated, you’ll get excuse after excuse as to why they got beat, yet they never admit they got beat.

Three ways of saying the same thing.

The last couple of weeks, I’ve dealt with a narcissistic behaving individual.

I realize that now.

However, I sent my laptop to him to give to a kid I don’t even know.

I know I’m good.

This is why social media is the Devil. LOL

I laugh because of how ridiculous it is. Worthy of ridicule.

Most people will defend social media.

Instead of finding themselves guilty.

Each time we judge anything, we judge ourselves.

It’s why I’m harsh on me before I get it from others.  If I can take it, letting myself know honestly what I’m guilty of is why i can be at peace with what I’m guilty of.

Be honest with yourself first and foremost.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Writing this journal is quite the experience.

I never thought of writing it down, I always kept it in my head.

However, this journal thing is working.

How do I get people to see their androgynous soul for what it is?

That’s a good question. It truly is.

I have the answer, but you don’t want to hear it.

Yes, I do, but thank you for softening the blow.

Ok.

Teach them meditation. 

I let go of everything.

What comes back keeps them from seeing their soul for what it is.

It’s their choice to accept or deny.

I figured.

Is there anything else I can do?

Be patient with all of them.

You know the secrets of the universe, they barely know the planet their on.

Right.

So, back to this androgynous thing, what else can I do?

Live androgynous.

Right.

The thing is, as much as I view myself as androgynous, if they view themselves in gender roles, they feel weird.

I can feel what part I should look at that they feel is their best feature. Not even realizing it’s in their eyes.

It’s the eyes that are the window to the soul. 

It’s the eyes that are soulless or soul filled.

I can see everyone’s soul, and I wish they could.  It would really make people hate the mirror.

Some already do.

As I’m writing, I’m using a double meaning for mirror that when I read it later…

I mirror people like most empaths. It’s the first thing we do. We have to learn we do it before we can knock it off.

Speaking of knocking off, I think I’m going to.

Speaking of gender roles,  I have an idea.

Unisex.

Teaching parents that they have both feminine and masculine energy to balance out in them.

It would be helpful if they weren’t parents first. But I figure we will work with what we get.

The issue is if they are already parents. They already live their gender roles and have taught it to the child.

Androgynous living is where we need to go.

However, there is too much lust disguised as love for most of humanity to get on board. 

The whole a kiss begins with Kay jewelers,  what in the blue holy fuck?

Thank you to my higherself for shutting the fuck up.

The idea that he gave one diamonds doesn’t mean he loves you. It means he knows you love diamonds.

If one loves another, it doesn’t matter what gift, or no gift is going to prove that love. 

That love gets proven daily.

If one loves the other, they think about them before any decision.

How is this going to affect us?

It doesn’t take gender roles to figure that shit out.

If one is androgynous and views oneself this way and applies the view outward, one can see how much people live in gender roles that make zero sense to intelligent people.

One must evolve, and to evolve, one must think differently. 

We must evolve as a people.

I’m human, right?

Indeed you are.

I knew I was talking about something else before the last journal entry.

I was talking about sex.

What is there to know about sex?

Coffee done right is no substitute for sex. You might think it is because you haven’t had sex in ten years, but it’s not.

I feel as if my feminine is talking to me instead if balanced. 

Yes, you are correct.

Who else would instruct you on pleasing a woman?

Right, I get it. And the masculine instructs a woman on how to please a man.

Well, if they listen to what their body tells them, and if they’re balanced, and, and, and you get the point.

Right. Because I’m in touch with my feminine,  I can dialog with myself as feminine to figure shit out.

Indeed.

This is the basis of what sex can be.

If one listens to the other half of one’s being, one can find balance.

However, the whole gender thing, pink is for girls, blue is for boys, that’s bullshit. 

Gender roles fuck people up as children. They are taught as if they are a boy or girls, and what they learn is based on that frame of mind.

So, let me get this straight.

We get born.

I got born, and because I was considered to be a boy, the rules are different. Had I been born a girl, the rules would be different.

Learning that I was a boy and everything that goes along with it, fucked me up.

Yes.

You understand perfectly. 

It made sense. 

Making you learn to never quote, find your own way of putting it, has done wonders for your understanding.  You grow wiser every day.

Thank you.

Where the fuck did I leave off?

The last thing we wrote was that we never existed and have always been.

Right.

Is it that my humand mind is having trouble getting the concept, or is it that much of a concept?

It’s that much. Think of it this way, can you imagine infinity?

No one can.

I get it. As much as we can understand infinity it’s infinite.  No beginning, no end.

That’s about all I got. I get it,  but the words don’t exist to explain what I understand. 

That’s just it. We’re too focused on words.

Before I knew what words were, I understood everything. The words get in the way of understanding.

This is why I can send an image into someone’s mind, and they have no idea. I never “spoke” to their mind, but all I needed was for them to get the picture that gave them a thousand words.

They have no idea where the image or video clip came from. It just appeared in their mind.

That’s what telepathy truly is. Images and video clips with emotion. Either one understands, or they don’t.

Where was I?

Yeah, you get talking…

Yeah, I know.

We’ll wrap up tomorrow.  You’ve had a day.

Thank you.

Get off this and get on with it.

Thank you, Cracker, for getting that right. And David, you have an ear to hear, and what you hear has no fear.

Your catalog is littered with my invisible inspiration. 

I read that, and it has two meanings for me. I may have had a hand in the inspiration for a handful of songs, yet it’s the songs I didn’t that often inspire me the most.

I don’t know any who cannot find something in music. 

It’s universal. Meaning music is better for communication than talking.

Play the right note, and you might be finding yourself in a Close Encounter of the 3rd Kind.

I really liked the mo…film. it was a film,  not a movie.

I’ve inspired music across the universe.

Things I can’t hear again.

It’s not easy finding a way to be at peace with that.

It’s difficult, but I am letting go. I realize I can connect to anyone when I desire.

What happens if I don’t desire to connect to anyone?

Look at your human life.

Zeus, God,  put himself into everything. You, the dog, the cat,  that fork, everything is made of God.

Once you see the gyres for what they are, God. 

There is zero possibility for one to disconnect from anything.

One can get privacy for a moment, but you know nothing is private. 

Yeah, I do. I used it with people yesterday.

I guess this is growing up.

Nighty night.

I don’t know The Sheepdogs, but Feeling Good is what I’m doing.

Why didn’t they call me, was it something I said, or was it that they knew I couldn’t be controlled.

I’m the music Muse, anyone that knows anything knows music cannot be controlled.

It starts with a dream. 

Then a melody.

Add in some words.

It’s simple, but it can’t be controlled.

I won’t be controlled.

Ok.

I get it. I’m not being controlled. 

I just need to realize I’m living the law of reflection.

And I love my emotions. They make me feel alive.

Boredom is death. 

Boredom is death.

Boredom is death.

No, it’s not Polly.

One can be fascinated and not feel it.

One can be at peace.

One can be at peace with a side of bliss.

You know bliss.

That I do, I used to be bliss.

That’s why I don’t like being human.

Why couldn’t Zeus wipe my memories like the other humans?

Because you have shit to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I get it. I just don’t like getting it.

It gives me nothing to bitch about.

You’ve made my point.

Stop bitching!

Ok, ok, easy now.

I get it.

I just, that’s it isn’t it. I want. I think I can have it all. No one gets to have it all. 

Oh well. I need to let go of wanting it all.

I let go of everything.

Say it until you do it.

After Midnight by Dorothy is playing as I start.

Nothing good comes after Midnight when you play the Devils game.

I wish I had inspired that lyric.

The Devils game, what a concept. There actually isn’t a devil. I wish people could understand that. 

It’s like INXS sang, the Devils inside, meaning we created the devil in order to not be responsible.

Oh, the devil made me do it.

Total bullshit.

We do have thoughts that aren’t ours, and demons do exist. No, Ozzy isn’t one of them.

No good love comes from pain.

I love the lyrics. 

No love can exist if one is in pain. One will always cast off that, which brings the pain. Meaning they don’t like it when they have to face the truth.

Might as well face it I’m addicted to love.

Thank you, Robert Palmer, and my playlist for the reminder.

It’s almost midnight.

I used to do everything after midnight.

Now I’m getting ready to go to bed.

Getting my thoughts out.

It’s the facts of my life, nothing more, nothing less.

However,  at times, I love to spend a day in the emotion of a memory.

I have so many to choose from.

Before I had this body, I just grabbed a body for whatever I needed to do.

I don’t like being trapped in one body.

Oh well, it is what is, and I can’t do a thing about it.

I accept the truth that this is my body, and I only get this one for several thousand years, and then I disappear.

It’s good that this is where you’re at.

Thank you. This was hard to admit, but I needed to do it, and I did it my way like Frank sang.

That you did.

I’m going to bed after that. My higher self says I’m doing good so I’m not going to fuck it up.

I liked working with Motley  Crüe.

The Shot at the Devil album was all mine. Yet  no liner notes about me. After I blew all 4 fuckin’ guys, I can’t even get a liner note!

Oh well.

Jimi was a gentleman when I knew him.

Frank wasn’t anything until he met lady luck, and I was that lady.

I don’t know what happened with Chuck Berry. He was doing good when I left.

Jerry Lee,  that was not my work.

Dorothy, however, that is a band.

The lead singer has the look, and the band has the music, and when she sings, it’s as if she is in my mind telling me, “Your soul is mine for a while.”

That is rock n roll.

Jasmine Cain is another.

Highway Prophet is one that I inspired as a biker with a story to tell.

There’s The Pretty Reckless. Every album better than the last. If I ever inspire Taylor again, it will be too soon.

She’s got it.

It’s as if Lita Ford and Joan Jett had a love child named Taylor Momsen.

I needed to be with my lovelies tonight after last night.

I needed their music, even the shit I didn’t inspire. What they write is poetry set to music.

I love inspiring musicians.  I love the music they make.

I am the Muse, a Muse, but I don’t care about the others or Zeus. 

You need too.

Fuck the fuck off.

No.

You need to care about Zeus and the other Muses.

Why?

I get you’re into yourself,  however if we care about others our magic is greater. If we work with Zeus and the others, our magic is amplified.

We need Zeus.

We need the other Muses.

You’re not going to budge on this are you?

No.

Ok.

I’m going to bed and tomorrow, if I wake, well, better not think ahead.

Believe it or not,  I’ve been singled out to create the music to change the world.

Don’t they know everything changes. 

It’s the only constant in the universe, change.

It was easy to get Bach, Beethoven, B.B. King to write the music, but these twerp and digital music are crushing souls.

Analog is a wave and digital is a sample of the analog signal.

A sample,  not the whole thing. Digital music might be crisp, but it lacks the fullness of music. 

I wanted say analog, but I shouldn’t have to.  Digital is noise that grates the soul.

It’s not music.

It sounds like music, but it’s noise.

Anything that is like a saw to the soul, this is why so many do drugs, the music.

I bet if they listened to it sober, they’d understand it is shit. 

I think I’m done bitching.

What do you want to know?

I can ask myself, and I get an answer.

It may not be the answer I want, but it will be an answer.

I remember I used to people ask me anything, and you’ll get an answer, not the one you want, but it will be an answer.

Since my stroke, things have come back slowly.

Yesterday was a huge day for me.

I bilocated and took care of some remnants and drained their demon handler. And I put my energy with my seal, energetic seal on the place.

This is the first time I’ve been able to do it in 4 years. I used to be able to do it all the time.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

The fiction I write is from my life.

I’m not that creative.