What kind of costume does a soul sucking vampire wear for Halloween?

For years I would just wear my normal clothes and tell people exactly what I am. It never failed.

The funniest thing to me is that as a child I was quite fond of wearing a Dracula costume on Halloween. I even won a costume contest one year.

When I think back, my favorite Halloween costume of all time was the What the Fuck Fairy.

I was married to my 3rd wife and had died my hair blue. I kept it that way for well over a year. The wife had this blue dress and fairy wings that matched my hair.

Add a wand and bad make up job and all anyone could think when they saw me was “What the fuck is that?”

I even wore the outfit to work that day. My coworkers from my department were just as shocked as I was that I didn’t even place in the company costume contest. I figured I would at least get 3rd. Not even an honorable mention. I wept like a wee child.

Not really, but it sounds good.

I wish I could say that was the only time I had ever cross dressed.

There was this one other time, and again for work I dawned women’s clothing. I was married to my 2nd wife and work was having a cross dressing dress up day. I remember I was out having a cig and one of my female friends was standing next to me for a good 5 minutes before she let out a small shriek as she thought I was a woman she had not met before and then recognized me.

Maybe that’s what this book needs, more silly Solomon. I have had plenty of those moments over the course of my life. If they’re laughing at me, they won’t be as afraid of me as I’m afraid they’re going to be.

I had 2 daughters once that would never let their mother out of their sight. I remember one time I told the girls mommy had flown off on a dragon to the moon to get magical moon cheese just so she could get a shower by herself.

When she came out I snuck into the kitchen and cut out 4 or 5 quarter moon shapes from some cheese. The girls were so excited. My wife on the other hand was looking at me as if I was the worlds biggest fucktard.

Children often bring out my inner child. When I was with my first wife and we would go to family get togethers at her grandparents house. They would find me in the living room with the younger children playing with Legos.

I used to help my first son build blanket forts in his room. My 3rd wife and I used to build them in the living room. They often came down during the sex we would have in them.

Just last week I was visiting with my current grandchildren (4th set) at the park and it was Papa Sol on the swing with the kids pushing me. My daughter remembered pushing me in the swing when she was a child.

I definitely need to add more of this kind of shit to get humanity to warm up to me instead of being terrified of me feeding on their souls.

I think more stories of me helping people would be good too. I think maybe I should get into the time I spent driving a Taxicab.

Until then I am off to fall down and go boom.