Thanks Fastser Pussycat.

I’m on the lame train
I got a first class ticket
On the nonstop to nowhere
Where it takes me I don’t know
I guess the tracks you lay are your own

I’m a Jr, meaning even my name is not my own. That’s what’s pushed me my entire life. To be my own man.

I guess the tracks you lay are your own.

I look at it, and I never realized that’s what it was that pushed me. I never take the beaten path, instead I make a trail of my own.

It’s a sickness.

Had I done it the way my dad wanted, I would’ve been a contractor like he was.

I could do the work, I just don’t like it. I don’t like going into people’s homes. 

The jobs I did with my dad, I was always in someone’s home. 

I went into the Air Force to get away from my family.  I went away to get away my friends.

I went away to get the fuck out of Chico, California.

Had I stayed here, I could see nothing good coming from it. By the time I was 25 I would have been dead or in jail. 

That was the friends I had.

At 51 I look back for the first time without fear. It’s why I never realized being a Jr, is the best thing my dad ever did for me.

I had always hated being a Jr.  Once I stopped hating it, stopped fearing I would never be underneath my dad’s name, well, how fucking stupid I’ve been.

215 IQ, and I feel incredibly fucking stupid.

Thanks Dad, I couldn’t have made my life had it not been for a narcissist father.

It is what is. I can take it.

This is what we all miss about what holds us back from being our best selves. 

Something little, that makes all the difference in the world and our lives.

Too frequently we are concerned with big things, and the it truly is the little things that mean the most.

I have no idea where I’m going, and I like it that way. Most would be scared, not me. I’m old hand on this trick. 

Curiousness is what drives me. I’m too stupid to be scared.

Being afraid never really hit my mind. What’s there to be scared of?

Fear is only fear. If we truly love ourselves we have no fear.

I used to say fear is the dark mirror of love. I was wrong.

Fear has no love. 

Fear has no love.

Instead fear takes our love for ourselves and others.

Think about it, when you’re scared, who are thinking about?

No one, just get me the fuck away from what it is I fear.

We’re all the same. Now, if I’m scared about my kid going through some shit, what is it that I’m really afraid of?

If my son disappeared, why would that scare me?

I’d find him, oh hell yes I would find him, but fear wouldn’t have anything to do with it.

I know me and what I can do.

I tracked my stepdaughter over miles to find out where she ran away too.  Using her energy.

I’d find my son.

This is what means to understand oneself is the beginning of all wisdom.