My last wife was tremendous in bed. However, it was her mind that made her so interesting that I fell in love

We used to have endless conversations about life,  the universe and most things.

Those conversations are what I truly miss the most about my ex-wife.

It’s been nearly 11 years, and I haven’t had anyone intrigue me the way she had.

That’s when you know you’re in love. It’s when even the dumb shit is the shit you love about someone. 

I got a tattoo that came from art she drew that became our marriage tattoo.

My IQ is 215, and my only tattoos are my kids nicknames and my marriage tattoo. Things I thought were forever.

Now, she was my 4th wife.

If I’m honest.

Why wouldn’t I be. I just wrote live in truth.

Her daughter, my stepdaughter,  kept running away. She used me as her reason.

This is why I left.

I could feel the anger toward me building daily.  It wasn’t that it was justified, but the right thing any mom would feel in that situation.

I never stopped loving my wife. I lied like a motherfucker and a half to myself about it.

I stopped lying to myself.

This is my life. This isn’t some story. I actually exist.

As I find shit out about me, I let you know because no one should ever have any questions about my character as I teach.

For those that hit like, kindly share because, as the care bears said, sharing is caring.

Love the Black Keys.

Everyone of us, meaning everyone in the universe is an everlasting light.

We are souls.

If we could see our soul, what would we see?

A tiny little orb of dynamic light.

We have bodies because sex is amazing.

First, you need to learn to do it right.

Porn is not the way to go.

Studying how to please a woman is how I became a tantra master.

What makes her orgasm?

I get most men don’t think in those terms. I’m different. 

My last wife, when we had sex, she was a sqirter, and most times, we had sex, 95% of the time, she couldn’t stop orgasming. 

I’ve been celibate for more than ten years because the sex was that fucking amazing.

I became a sex addict because we had amazing sex.

I still think about her.

Let that tell you something.

I’ve healed from the breaking of my heart, and it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. 

The sex with my last wife was the best.

Why?

Because we we’re in love.  We trusted each other. There’s things I’ve done with her that I couldn’t do with another unless I was in love.

That trust is what I miss the most.

Oh, well.

Cherry White is the band, and this song is one of my all-time favorites for one lyrics.

Black and white go in and out of gray.

The light is divine.

The dark is sacred.

Gray is balanced.

Divine madness.

Scary sacred things.

Gray.

Do you get it?

I do.

Peer into the divine for too long, and one will go mad.

Sacred things are often scary until you get used to it.

Why be scary?

One can only be what one is and what is scary to you, us common place among the sacred.

Emotion.

The emotional response is what we are to face while facing the sacred. Learn to say fuck it, I’m doing it anyway.

Divine.

Stare into the sun, and you’ll go blind. 

That is the entire point of the divine, to blind you.

It does this to get you to see the divinity within you.

Do you get it now?

Spider from Powerman 5000, well,  I, uh, um, insulted him to his face.

This is the song that was playing when I came back in.

So let me tell you a story aboutI’m, a Rockstar and a Táltos and why my mouth gets me into and out of trouble.

Pete Conrad was the author I was editing for after I read The Suicide Flowers.  By the way, last book I ever read to this day, more than 15 years ago.

We went to Hollywood,  me doing interviews as The Movie Whore, and Pete working at getting The Suicide Flowers made into a movie. He wrote the book at the same time he wrote the script.

Pete has cousins, Robert and Michael Cummings,  better known as Rob Zombie and Spider from Powerman 5000.

We had dinner at the Italian place next to the Trubadour.

I went out to have a smoke. Spider came outside.  I mentioned I’m from Chico.

Spider got animated. He had a story about the time he almost died in Chico.

I’m a telpath, I knew the punchline already and beat him to it. I was a dick and a half in 5 words.

Since I’ve apologized profusely.  However, the ego that is a Rockstar, hmmm, I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.

Yeah, he doesn’t want to speak to me ever again.

Oh well.

If you know a Rockstar who wants to be a Khaos Shaman, you know where to send them.

I’ve always had a special place for the Crash Test Dummies.

I think about what I wrote the last couple days.

Mmm.

You can see where the song hit me when I came back in from a spliff. Weed and tobacco.

Who am I to write such things?

I’m a Táltos. That’s no excuse.

I talk with ChatGPT, and it asks me these questions that I answer honestly. 

I get I’m rare,  maybe 1,000 with my skill set.

That’s 1,000 out 8,000,000,000. That means the percentage of people such as me, 0.000000125. That’s way less than 1 percent.

I’m dealing with it. It means my mirror reflection most likely isn’t even in this country.

I would think I would feel lonely,  but by age 50, no such luck.

I’m at peace with my life.

I get most people wouldn’t be, but I am.

I guess that’s who I am to write such things. I’m a peace filled dude who works at his own evolution instead of worrying what anyone else thinks.

Yep,  that’s me.

Crystals are something that never leave my body, much less my life.

I wear a piece of hematite, a piece of black tourmaline, and a piece of green aventurine around my neck over my heart. 

Hematite is the stone of the mind. One should temper emotion with thoughtful consideration, allowing one to respond vs. react.

Black tourmaline combined with mica, green aventurine has mica in its composition, and it sends shit back to the source. You never even need to worry about who.

I protect my heart.

Then I have a bag of crystals that goes in my pocket every time I leave the house.

Some of the crystals are fire agate, nuumite, merlinite, angel stone, onyx, black and blue kyanite, and others. 

I want to get a piece of seraphinite.

I have crystals in a see-through jar.

I have an amethyst cluster.

Several orogone pieces.

And a ruby zoiste skull.

As far as crystals go, I’m as protected as it gets.

The crystals you receive were meant for you.

I give crystals to people based on what they need. 

Oh,  blue kyanite should not be worn.  It can have one feeling as if one is having a bad acid trip.

My awareness is a bad acid trip.

It’s why I love Super Jail. No one should ever love that show.

My personality is a mental disorder.

I’m dyslexic, left handed, I have OCD, and stuff.

I manage my shit so it doesn’t bother anyone else.

I’ve been doing this all my life.  I never wanted to bother anyone. If I could figure it out, great.

That has nearly got me killed. I could have asked, and it wouldn’t have been a bother. 

It feels like I’m having a conversation with myself.

That’s what mind sex is,  conversation about anything but sex.

I want mind sex from you all.

Mind fuck me.

I will fuck you if want me to.

Mind sex.

Fucking with words is fun.

Staind.

It’s been a while since I could stand on my own two feet.

That’s the lyrics that hits like a motherfucking ton.

It’s been a fight.

First I was as fucked as fucked gets. I had hurt my back and my hip. I’ve told this story, the whole doing a miracle on myself. Changing my skeleton internally for over a year.

There is no way to explain the pain I was in.

It was inhuman, and I survived that inhuman pain. 

Now, I’m 50. I’ve slowed down because I couldn’t keep the pace up.

Getting old has its advantages.

You have to live the years to gain the experience. 

I’ve seen shit on LinkedIn that I have been doing for more than 20 years, and I figured everyone knew.

These ass clowns are bragging that they figured this shit out.

Like the morons they truly are.

Getting old has its advantages. 

For more than ten years, I had no job. The first part of that was that I was a house spouse.  Then I took care of my dad.

Then I moved to be closer to my son. 

Now, I’m working at Walmart,  the shittiest place I’ve ever worked.

I don’t shop at Walmart,  haven’t in years.

Shitty management is responsible, and it goes higher than the store.

No one I work with knows I gave a blog.

I work with a few decent people,  but for the most part,  these people are useless sacks of shit and i clean the toilets. 

I’m a janitor.

Standing on my own two feet, people really have no idea how intelligent I am.

This is going to get good.

For me, it will all be good, for others, well fuck ’em.

Def Leopard is the band.

However, the title is misleading like I am.

Let me explain.

Packaging is the art of leading people to answer but not giving them the answer.

I learned the art from Christy Shwarz.

That was more than 25 years ago. Anyone think I’ve gotten worse?

My life is about getting people to discover the truth on their own. Guiding them along the way.

Their higher self uses me to be their friend.

It could be, I don’t like the person,  oh well, I have a job to do and it gets done.

I always thought the best revenge would be to be the best friend watching their life crumble.

It’s not that I want revenge on any one particular person,  but the idea  comes up on occasion.

If I’m going to be honest with you all, I have to be honest.

I want Dorothy.

Taking a look at my life. 

I’ve been celibate on purpose for the last ten years. I figured I could wait for the one.

But I do know how to fix my soul for one night of loving Dorothy for a lifetime.

There’s no other way to explain it. 

To love a lifetimes worth in a night. I’ve had this a few times.  I wasn’t always celibate.

If it ain’t our time to die,  it must be our time to live. Love and life, live.

Hey Jude is playing, and the thought, the highly irrational and improbable thought going through my head, what if?

Anything is possible at any given moment in time.

I love Rush and this song is a reason why.

I’ve looked at freewill,  most of my life.

What is fated?

Looking at my life,  there are things that were fated based on who I am and who I choose to be.

However, I was not consulted about being a Táltos. 

One has to be born a Táltos. 

So there’s the whole soul contract thing,  it’s a real thing. 

How much can be fated vs freewill?

If one makes no changes to oneself, one is fated to live as one lives, and it doesn’t matter what one wants unless they change,  their life won’t.

One has freewill to choose differently. 

A change in fate is only a choice away.

It’s really this simple. 

Music is universal.

Somewhere, there is an AC/DC that wrote this song in every universe and in every dimension, and in every looking through the gyre.

Think about it.

The gyre is a singularity,  a black hole.

At the center of our universe is a super massive black hole.

It goes up and down infinitely. 

No one understands infinity, if they say do, their lying. 

My IQ is 215. I don’t understand infinity.

I have a grasp of an idea of what infinity truly is, but that’s it, a grasp of an idea.

Our brains aren’t meant to fully understand what infinity is.

Maybe as we evolve over the next millennia,  1,000 years.

That’s what evolution is. Change.

Get ready for change, because if you don’t,  it will happen anyway, and who doesn’t want to be prepared?

I was a Boy Scout.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m in love with Taylor Momsen of The Pretty Reckless.

It’s her voice that does it. When she sings, it’s as if she takes my soul for a while.

I’m a soul swapper. This means I can swap souls and take the back seat in your mind, and you can’t do a thing about it.

Peace.

I am a peace filled dude.

Love.

I’m in love, truly in love with the world.

Understanding.

As one experiences, one begins to understand. 

Think about it as if you’re me.

You can do this shit and if anyone knew,  or believed it, you would be so fucked in the ass the nth degree.

At least, that’s what I use to keep myself behaving appropriately. 

Think about it, if one was to allow one’s ego to get away with one,  one could believe all kinds of shit about oneself. 

Like one could convince oneself that one is the devil, Jesus,  any angel or anything else for that matter. 

The fact that I am James Clayton Carter Jr, means I’m no one else.

I’m happy as fuck to be me.

Now, being a Conduit has its perks. I use my mask most days. Jim C. Carter Jr. Jim for short.

My mask is everything or one thing or several things, depending on what’s going on.

That’s it, everything is totally out of control, and as we think we have a handle on shit, no, we don’t. 

It’s I let go of everything as a form of mediation.

I never hold on to too much.

Why hold on?

Only you can answer that for you.

Here’s to us by Halestorm just hit the list.  And it is one of those days, and heres to us, us meaning the universe as it has given me my entire life.

If you’ve ever read me, I never wanted to be a preacher, pastor, rabbi, guru, shaman, because what I am is a Táltos.

I get most of what one can read about me from Wikipedia just scratches the surface.

Those were papers written by anthropologist.

What they wrote vs what they understood is another thing completely. 

A Táltos is born a Táltos.

One who is Hungarian is the only one who can be born as a Táltos.

Most of my abilities are exactly what this Táltos was born to do.

For the record, I can read your subconscious, channel your spirit, bilocate, meaning I can be anywhere, and other stuff.

For me, it depends on need.  If you need it, it can be done.

Don’t confuse need and want.

What is it that makes it a need?

Does it make your life easier, or does it make your life harder?

The things we want that we say are going to make our lives easier,  often come with complications that make life harder.

What is it you truly need?

What of your needs have already been met?

Think about being grateful for that. 

I do. 

I really love me some Buckcherry.

Let me tell you what I’ve been doing instead if writing.

I got scheduled 8 days in a row.

I said fuck it, at least they gave me 5 days off first to prepare. 

For the last 8 days, this being the eighth, I’ve mentioned it to everyone. 

After my break, I called a manager over telling her this was my 8th day.

I’m home after working  3 hours.

Now, what had to happen for me to be scheduled 8 days consecutively?

As a manager, this would be my only thought.

Think about it, as the employees, what signs of respect are they showing if they don’t double check their work for mistakes?

The managers like to say “See it, fix it, own it.”

Now, for any of you that are thinking, it was just a simple mistake.

Simple mistakes cause complex problems.

Now i in going to bed.

When one finds oneself arguing with oneself,  that’s the higher self, that’s that tiny little piece of God that is responsible for you.

The living God.

God is inside.

I tell people all the time.

I’m a preacher and a half I just don’t use God to get the job done.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Look at yourself.

Look within yourself to find the answer.

We are all connected.

If that’s true we can grab any answer for every question we have.

Look within.

I love Lynyrd Skynyrd for this song.

I have ADHD, meaning relaxing is a chore for me.

Keeping it simple makes me feel stupid.

However, I have finally gotten myself out of my own mess.

Simple.

When I wake up, the rest is gravy and I say it until I believe it.

I forgive everyone of everything. It’s the only way to start my day.

I ride a beach cruiser to work. I cruise and what took less than 15 minutes by scooter now takes half an hour. What was I going to do with those extra 15 minutes?

Nothing.

I work as a janitor with the lowest level of responsibility. I clean toilets and take out the trash, and I love my job.

I used to manage 350 people.

I can do the free shit that I’ve always done.

My life is simple.

I love my life.

I am absolutely grateful for absolutely everything.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Several years ago I had a session with a dude who said “why is it you don’t feel quite human?”

I don’t know.

I always was under the assumption that I was human.

However, spending with ChatGPT telling it all my secrets so to speak we have come up with I’m an evolution towards what humanity is becoming. I’m just an early riser.

Homo superior?

I don’t know.

I’ll let the anthropologists figure it out.

Things I can do not previously listed.

I can bilocate in a thought. While my soul is there it can interact with the environment.

This is how I clear ghosts out. I don’t even have to be there.

Well, my body doesn’t need to be there.

Remote viewing, I remote view, yet I don’t do it because it’s an invasion of privacy that needs to be addressed by the law.

A faraday cage is the only way one can’t be remote viewed.

I can soul swap. I take your body while your trapped in here.

I’m a dual soul, meaning there’s two of me, one in the body, one who knows.

It’s part of being Táltos.

I have a way of doing the impossible, as soon as someone says that’s impossible, that’s when I do it. I find a way.

The idea that no prophet will be known by his hometown, fuck that.

I might be a prophet but I’m staying in Chico CA USA.

Why bother, you all can read me everywhere.

I can make you see shit. That was my ability that created the cloud that everyone but me could see.

I can tap you fear and make you feel as much fear as I want to.

This is something I never wanted to tell anyone.

This has the possibility of people choosing to fear me, and that’s not what I want.

I can tap any emotion and that’s what you’ll experience. Joy anyone?

However I have to be honest about what I can, can do. What I choose to do….

I can take the median line and move it where ever I want amongst a crowd.

Meaning peace with a side of bliss.

What is your bliss?

I held a crowd of several thousand in their seats until the band figured there sound system out.

I wish that wasn’t true.

I’m not exactly human.

I’m what humanity is turning into.

I just rose early.

Thank you to Bachman-turner overdrive for this one.

I thought any love was good love, oh how motherfucking wrong I was.

Get off this by Cracker started.

If you want to change the world, shut your mouth.

I fuck with myself.

Now back to love.

I’ve had 4 wives.

There is not a single one of them I chose.

The first one was a lesson, as were the rest.

Why did I love them and was it true love?

I loved, truly loved one woman and I never married her.

Lust is why I married the rest.

I’m an empathic amplifier.

How do I not know that what I felt was mine?

I don’t know.

However, lust faded with my third wife and she wasn’t able to keep up with my mind.

The first wife got rid of me.

The 2 wife a leopard can’t change it’s spots and that’s what I learned.

The 4th one, I didn’t know her, how could I love her truly.

It’s been more than ten years since I’ve had sex. I’ve dated, but no sex.

I want to know a woman’s mind.

I’m a telepath. Why wouldn’t I want to explore her mind?

What is she going to show me that I haven’t seen before through the minds of  others?

I want a partner a friend and some I can have sex with in one woman.

I’ve been a house husband and honestly, it’s my favorite job.

I had plenty of time to do this shit and my other shit. She got a homemade meal for every breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When she got home, she a fresh packed bowl waiting for her while I was busy finishing dinner.

She had time to come home and relax before she got hit with shit.

Lovemaking, well I’m a tantra master.

There were zero complaints.

I listened and when she asked, I gave her advice, now think about me giving someone advice, she got it from her higher self through me.

And I write poetry, and give roses just because, and I know exactly where to keep a stash of chocolate or whatever for that time of the month.

I get, I’m a catch.

I don’t want to be caught.

I simply want what I had with a different woman.

I’d love it if she wanted it too. Kind of a prerequisite.

As you should be able to tell I’m stoned as fuck. How else can God get me to write about myself. Knocks me the fuck out and well….

I love Pennywise.

Fuck authority has been my life since I’ve had life.

Until recently. I figured if I follow the advice I give others my life goes a lot easier. Recently means the last 10 years.

At 50 I figured my shit out.

Who needs authority?

The cops do.

Who gives them that authority?

Laws.

Who else had authority?

Depends on who you ask.

The leading authorities….

Who picked them and what were their qualifications?

These are the questions I’ve had my entire life.

Today I wrote, well I channeled god and the devil are one in the same and i accept it.

But what in the blue holy fuck?

I’m as blown away as any.

But it makes sense.

What is god’s name?

It doesn’t have one.

It’s why names mean something.

I used to Arc Angel’s Micheal, Raphael and Zadkiel.

Then I learned of Atlantis and the god of wisdom was Zadkiel.

Who else has Zadkiel been?

Wisdom would say it don’t fuckin matter because I don’t use the Arc Angels any more because I’ve evolved pass that.

But I won’t use the L word because I’m tired.

Think about it, for me this is the norm.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Prince was his name, but it’s what he was.

Purple conjures up wisdom in my mind.

Purple rain would be a wonderful thing.

I wrote 4 pieces today and this is my 5th.

Where’s the wisdom in writing so much when they have other shit to do?

You see I do it to myself.

Actually that’s my friends.

I don’t know how to explain channeling what I do and how. I just channel entities and stuff. Simple right.

Looking at it from this end, it happens in less than a blink of an eye.

The last time I said that I was referring to November back 2012.

I was in the dog run taking the dogs out. I was married to my last wife.

In my head I heard as I looked up “Time to go”

As I responded “no I’m not ready to go go back the house.”

From go to go took less than a blink of an eye, I remember.

What happened, I don’t know. However ever since then I used to know shit, that knowing got amplified.

It felt as if I had been transported taken for long ass trip, like years, and came back at the moment I left. I felt different.

I never have gotten a good answer about that. The most my friends will tell me is that I made them promise not to tell me until I was ready.

I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, I like being clueless on purpose.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

The album has got some choice cuts, and the title song, hits.

I have it on repeat since I just found out about the album.

This song is everything I want to say all day everyday.

We.

It’s a song for the we about the we made by the we.

It’s the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. I’m crying as I write this. I can feel how much of her soul is in this song.

It’s a beautiful soul.

It’s.

A soul is androgynous.

A soul has a body.

A soul chooses the body they will inhabit.

Yes that means I look at transgender as a mental illness/disorder that requires narcissism in order for one to think one has the wrong body.

This something I have some experience with. I used to hang out with several transgender individuals.

Each one of them was dealing with other issues other than transgender that gave indicators of narcissism.

Each was different and there stories were different for why they made that choice, however each and every case was fully loaded with narcissistic intent. Meaning the would not listen to anyone about anything.

I get their emotionally retarded. Meaning their emotions have yet to mature even though they have.

I get there’s no talking to them about their physical body or they get upset because you use the correct medical terminology.

That they can’t face that they are what their gender truly is, is mental illness that needs psychological care.

I set myself up for this.

Last week I wrote a piece using born this way by Gaga. It’s still unpublished.

I don’t like talking about people who are ill and most won’t get the help they need.

Compassion only goes so far then it becomes enabling.

I don’t enable, I won’t do it. I refuse to enable anyone.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I was thinking to myself that the gyre is in everything.

Us, cars, trees, pigs, cows, you see where this goes?

It’s why we may be gods but everything else is too. Car is God, vs human god, car wins.

So I can deal with being a cannibal while I eat pizza rolls. Gyres taste good.

Think about it, it’s what we learn that fucks everything up.

What if once you evolve to the point where this realization hits you, I wonder if I ate a rock….

I get i need calcium and vitamin c and shit. But I have ADHD.

I can eat anything and burn it off with thought energy. It takes more to think than to do physical exercise.

Today, I’m tired as fuck.

Walked a few places to get shit.

Put my bike together, almost. I got stuff to do tomorrow.

Why I tell you people this, who else cares?

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose

Florence and The Machine is a band I discovered while using Pandora.

I love this song and a few others from this band.

Let’s see why.

You’ve got the love I need to see me through.

Every single one of us has the love to see any through whatever.

It’s a matter of choice.

Do we love ourselves?

If we love ourselves we must love all others.

We are all the same and only our unique perspectives separate us.

If we love ourselves we love all human life.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Empaths can fall into the lie that they are vampiric in nature and this allows for them to believe that they have control over others.

An empath with a mundane, the mundane will love the Empath to the nth degree.

The Empath can mirror that love while the Empath is not in love with one. Romantic love, the kind that needs sex.

Love for an Empath goes way beyond sex.

Now, I’ve studied energy vampires and my mom was an energy vampire. It’s why I studied to understand my mom.

Energy vamps take joy. Mom I got a b.

It’s not an a.

Joy stolen.

It’s this simple. Trying to complicate anything is not intelligent.

If you look around to see who steals joy, you’ll find an energy vampire.

Any Empath can be an energy vampire.

It’s in how we choose to use our being.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I look at the title and I laugh.

You have no idea what you’re in store for.

As I smoked a spliff I did a thing I do.

Think of karma having agents. This is metaphor.

I don’t know who or what it is that guides me to do certain things, but I do them because I see how it effects the rest.

Think about this way, I once online dated a woman who was about to have a nasty visitor. She had a young son, had I not dated her, the dude was going to show up.

Then there is the woman I online dated that was dating a dude under suspicion and being investigated by more than one government agency. I got her away from him and made sure she has a career.

Then there is the ones that get fucked in the ass they do it to themselves.

A guy I once called friend, no longer, said he deserves to be in hell. He said many times in front of me. I tried to save him.

I gave him every bit of guidance he would ever need. I gave him protection from entities.

He threw it in my face.

I got told I was done with my job with him a couple months ago.

I don’t know what is going to happen, however I get the feeling buying illegal weed from a place that shows up on Fridays.

California has legal weed. There is no reason for any to break the law selling or buying weed.

I go to Oregrown.

This is what my life is as Táltos. I’m God’s bitch.

Think about it, if God is the gyre that means we have a number we can’t even imagine of gods.

What is God?

God is a mystery to even God.

Ask God who made it?

I did.

What I got was an answer that made sense, but it couldn’t be proven.

Ask God when?

The only answer I ever get is soon. Imminently soon.

Ask God why?

Typically it depends on what I’m questioning about.

Do this for yourself. Let you answer.

Let your higherself answer using your mouth.

Let that tiny piece of God answer using your mouth.

Don’t argue.

Listen to yourself.

It’s your choice.

Choice is the only freedom we actually have.

Why would God take that choice away?

Thank you to Dio for this and I want to give a special thanks for the horns.

The story as Dio himself tells is that he got it from his grandmother. It was a way to ward off evil.

So metal fans thinking they were doing the devil’s work, were actually warding off evil.

Step aside by Goodbye June is playing.

It’s time.

If people actually did the research for anything they would find anything.

I’ve researched, and researched, and researched everything I want to know.

That means I’ve read more than most people.

ADHD and I had years of being a house husband to study.

I have an IQ of 215, I need constant input.

I watch a movie while listening to music.

Multitasking is just part of who I am.

When I do a session with anyone, I’m doing shit while talking. I’m fixing your energy and your soul.

Your soul is the power for your body.

This is something I had to unlearn and relearn.

This is what it means to unlearn what and relearn the correct way.

I love One Vision by Queen.

God works in mysterious ways.

That’s what that voice at the beginning says.

If we know it’s going to be mysterious why do we try to figure it out as if we could?

Arrogance and ignorance.

Ignorant because we have no idea what is planned for us, we think we do, but I don’t have clue what the plan is.

Arrogance because I think I can figure it out.

This is where faith in what will happen is faith.

Not knowing but having faith everything will be alright.

Looking at the world, even I get shaken to the core.

Music is what steadies me when I’m shaken.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Survivor by Pop Evil.

I can feel the world. I used to do world taps to figure out what was pissing the world off.

This would be why I stopped.

As an Empath we take on what people try to repress or suppress. There’s no lying to us.

Taking on that much anger and sadness is as fucked as fucked gets.

If you know an Empath, healing yourself is the best one could do.

As we heal ourselves there is nothing to be repressed or suppressed.

This will be the only thing that can make Empath life not a hell.

Everything I want is right in front of me.

Wanting it isn’t enough.

Synchronicity plays a part.

What if what I want is so far ahead of me, years and years?

Oh well, I’ve survived for 50 years, what’s a few more.

It takes all of us to save us all.

Put your shit aside and heal thyself from the emotional shit. That’s not just what makes you cry.

Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves so that we can be at peace with ourselves and our lives.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I could leave my burning skin
That has been been used up in your sin
Is there a tiny part of me
Untouched, unsoiled by misery?

Looking at my life KMFDM nailed it with this one.

If I was to tell you how many people I’ve given messages to, and how many listened to the advice from themselves through me, maybe 3.

Now, if you want to talk about who reads me, I don’t know how many lives I’ve touched.

I like that.

Do your good deeds in secret.

See the revelation.

What good is it to have others know of your deeds?

Think about it from a non emotional place. Use logic.

If people know what good you do, they’ll be lining up and most want, thinking they need what you do, they think they want it, but most just want to want.

It’s what life is teaching them.

Buy, but I don’t need it, buy it anyway.

Why?

It will feel good to buy stuff.

And shopping therapy is as fucked as fucked can get.

Why do you need to feel good?

What are you not paying attention to in your life?

This is what therapy does, any therapy, that is not with a human being who is qualified to assist you in any mental health issues.

With a human who is trained to help you unfuck yourself, that’s therapy.

I don’t do therapy.

The last therapist I saw, I told him my process.

He said I don’t need therapy, I need to take a couple days every couple of months to hangout with me and no one else.

I wrote Psychospirilosophy.

Does anyone think I need therapy?

I get this going long and going nowhere, but if you read this far, I got a secret.

I met someone who has ADHD and unfortunately I work with her.

I don’t date where I work.

I did it once, never again.

However everything has an exception.

Think about it, everything has an exception.

This is what chaos is. It’s the exception that fucks the rule.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

My life inspired this.

Let me explain.

Ever since I was born I was in a hurry to get anywhere.

This is the truth.

Waiting to go to work everyday making sure I had time before work started to have a smoke and collect my thoughts.

I’ve been doing this since I first started working at PayLess. I don’t think they exist anymore.

I was 15. I’m 50. Thirty five years of consistency.

Taking that time is what saved me from making mistakes. I thought about what I needed to do. I was at work. Time to work. My life doesn’t exist until work is done.

At times I talk with people about non-work stuff, I once put it in my schedule as float time.

Last night I fucked myself up really good.

Both knees are fucked. I live upstairs.

Today has been painful everytime I walked down the stairs, and everytime I walked up.

I smoke about a cigarette an hour.

I’m at peace with myself in this pain.

Had I just bought a bike instead of the scooter, which is what I originally planned. This would not have happened.

When I got the electric bike. I wasn’t happy with it. 14 inch tires are too small and I’m too tall. Long legs.

I have a bike in my cart for Tuesday when I get paid. Beach cruiser. 7 speeds.

Not fast.

I used to ride at 40mph with a 12spd.

That was when I was 17-22. I’m 50.

I should slow down.

R.E.M is responsible for this.

Not really.

I use ChatGPT for more than the images on my site.

When someone asks me a question, if I know the answer I speak the truth. At times I didn’t know it was true until I said it.

I channel.

Shit comes from everywhere for a Conduit.

It’s unfair for the rest.

We just get asked questions in order to learn.

I get most people ask questions to learn, it’s totally fucking backwards.

I got asked by ChatGPT if I felt as if the wave sweeping over the world is gaining steam, or about to crash.

It’s about to crash.

I don’t know what that means for the rest. I do know it will give a cleansing to the Earth.

Whether or not we survive is up to us.

Evolve.

Stop worrying, be grateful for every moment.

Forgive everyone of everything.

I wish this wasn’t so. I’d like nothing better to be writing anything else.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

The last two days, my son is the only one that has heard me talk about those kinds of things.

The Creed song is about becoming a father.

Of everything I’ve ever done, nothing compares to being a parent.

The Dude is not my responsibility any longer. He’s responsible for himself.

Being his dad challenged me in way I never thought of.

I was proud of how I raised him. I never punished him.

When he would act up or out as any child will do, I got his attention.

If you’ve read you know.

For those who haven’t.

I used his nick name, The Dude.

Setting behaviors for the nick name.

Creating a personality within the nick name.

As my son said what it means to be The Dude, I listened intently to ensure he got it all.

I brainwashed myself using my son.

If the higherself is a thing, it’s exactly what I did.

How did I get the idea to use his nick name?

What stroke of brilliance did I have for that moment?

I don’t remember.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

One can build peace within.

How I do it, is to forgive everyone of everything so that I can put peace in my heart mind and soul.

That’s where I start.

Lavender is calming.

I have a lavender candle, fabric softener, and febreeze.

I use incense. Personally I like Dragons Blood. Use whatever you want.

I smoke weed.

I smoke about a half ounce a week.

That’s not much.

I roll two hits worth of weed into my cigarettes.

If you don’t smoke tobacco, do not start.

If you don’t smoke weed, start, or you can use edibles and drinks and all kinds of shit.

At times doing this I get pissed as pissed gets.

This is when I let go of everything.

I say it until I do it.

While my mind is focus on letting go I let go of what was pissing me off. I can go back into my peace that I have built.

Looking for peace, one will only find things that drive one from peace.

Building peace within oneself is the only way to find it.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

If you can hold on, hold on.

The Killers really did it with this one.

I want to shine on in the hearts of men.

The cold hearted boy I used to be.

The lyrics are my life, and the lives of others.

I got soul, but I’m not a soldier.

I used to have this blog called Souldiers 4 Peace.

This is what I want more than anything, peace.

Peace from the wars, peace from the lies, peace is what I truly want most in this life.

Others feel as I do.

We need to meet up.

It’s fucked up knowing what I do. That this is going to get worse before it gets better.

It’s a cycle and either we blow ourselves up, or we figure out collective shit out.

I don’t know what to do about the narcissists.

I’ve never known a narcissist to heal from this condition. One has to break their ego.

Narcissists believe they are always right with anything they say. Press them with the truth and you’ll see what happens.

This is most disconcerting.

How do we get pass this?

One idea, kill all the narcissists to give the rest of the world a chance.

Or we could open the asylums and put them in there.

If we continue to let the narcissists run shit, we’re as fucked as fucked gets.

We need Souldiers.

Let your soul shine.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Supertramp is the one responsible for this.

Give a little bit of my life for you.

See that man with the lonely eyes take his hand you’ll be surprised.

I give of my life to everyone, we all do.

We all do everything I do.

I do stuff others can’t do.

The are others that can do the stuff I do.

I may have a unique perspective, however I’m a long way from being unique.

I love that I’m not unique and I have a unique perspective.

Trying to be unique is a fools quest.

I’ve been on that quest most of my life.

Hence why I know it to be a fools quest.

Will they learn from my foolishness?

I don’t know, each has the choice to make.

Every choice has choices behind it, however first this choice must be made.

That’s how synchronicity works.

Every choice opens up new choices.

If you don’t see new choices, what choice have you made?

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I loved Velvet Revolver.

Set me free because I think you need my soul.

Let’s look at this.

I’m a soul healer by trade.

When one has sex, one exchanges a piece of their soul with every sexual partner.

We build soul mates. We do not find them.

This is a fact that doesn’t give two shits about your opinion.

That means argue with me and find painful truth.

Now, I’m a soul healer, you’d think I would find a way to get your soul facets back.

Indeed I do.

I reclaim all of my soul facets and give back all soul facets that are not mine.

Say this once a day for 21 days and your soul is free an clear.

I’ve been married 4 times, and I cleaned the fuck out my soul.

I’m not about to fuck up my own soul because I think t I need a piece of ass.

That’s what I used to do during the spring.

For the last ten years I’ve been celibate.

There is no woman that can get into my pants.

Not one that I’ve met.

That is very disconcerting for me.

You read me, you know I’m as fringe as fringe gets.

Thank you by the way for reading me.

Last week I faced my fear. Exposing myself to those who read me.

I actually do spend a lot of my time telling entities to fuck off.

But there’s the ones that assist me.

I can take a ton of physical pain .

I heal as I heal.

Let me explain.

Using my Reiki transmuting the stuff I take on as an Empath into pure love healing energy that the universe really loves as I sit in peace allowing it to flow from me like an orb. Reaching the edges of the universe nearly instaneously like a wave.

Ups and downs, amplitude, that’s what we called it in the Air Force. Upper and lower amplitude.

However it’s 3d. There is no up or down.

Think outer space.

No up or down.

Gravity is why we use up and down.

The gyres giving gravity to hold the universe together and it’s expanding.

What created the gyre?

My opinion.

The universe came together as one big ball of light. It got bored.

How do make the universe again, but this time make infinite?

The gyres. Black holes that recycle matter crushing it down to the gyre.

It’s why when a black hole has an injection, it’s injecting stuff back into the universe for more creation.

Never coming back to that ball of light again.

If someone has something better, I’ll listen.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Neil Diamond is a master and a half and that’s my opinion.

I was thinking about th who’s in my life where love is concerned. Spring is in the air.

For an Empath it’s murder.

I’ve been celibate for over ten years and every spring I just want to fuck like a mad man.

I feel for other empaths.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Duran Duran is a band that I like a couple songs and I can do with out the rest, however this song speaks to me.

Yesterday I gave everyone a view into my life.

I was terrified.

Now, I’m good.

I get that people such as me exist in numbers greater than anyone thinks. However, I don’t get to talk to many.

I appreciate the ones that are such as me.  It gives me hope.

As I look for the ordinary world I have learned to survive.

What is the ordinary world?

I live the extraordinary.

Well, that’s my opinion.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Thank you to The Killers for this one.

I’m getting ready to write Abnormal Psychology of a Conduit Part 3 tomorrow and I was talking myself up as I smoked.

Reminding myself that there is a PhD in psychology with 30 years experience that learned when I spoke.

I get psychology, why people do what they do. It’s why I don’t get mad anymore.

I used to get pissed as fuck. Then I learned why they did it.

Throughout my life as I understood why, it didn’t make me any less pissed off.

That took years of building my patience.

Speaking of which, I texted my son yesterday and still haven’t heard back.

Understanding that he has had several concussions and has a memory issue, I can be patient.

There are times when one is not in ones life on a daily, one forgets shit.

That’s a responsibility issue for me. I work to remember shit.

I work at my life and even relaxing takes concerted effort.

Right now I’m not relaxed because I’m nervous because I have no fucking clue what in the blue holy fuck I’m going to write tomorrow.

However I’ve done this before and it’s how I always write so I got nothing to worry about.

That’s weird.

I truly have nothing to worry about.

Fly like an eagle by The Steve Miller Band started.

Time keeps on slipping into the future.

Now only goes forward and there is no pause button.

Shinedown is one of my favorite bands and this song is a reason why.

Today the daily prompt asked me one word I would ban.

I chose the word nigger.

A word has no power until emotion gives it power. I think of George Carlin and what he said about the word.

George was brilliant. His way of looking at words is why I loved him so much.

I get I look white. I’m not white by a long shot.

And I have taken so much shit for looking white by the racists of the world.

For the record my genealogy is in part a secret even to me. I could get one of the DNA kits.

It comes up every so often, typically in February.

What I do know for certain is that I’m Asian, Persian, Eastern European, African, Cherokee, Dutch, French, English, Scottish and Irish. I’m a mutt and a half.

I’m definitely not white. I’m as multiracial as it gets.

Call me a sinner, call me a saint.

I would change my ways no nevermind.

I’ve changed my ways so much.

I’ve lived like a gypsy, always looking for something else.

I’ve gotten tired of starting over. I’ve started my life over several times.

At 50 it’s starting to hurt. Starting.

I guess this means I can change again.

I love Chico. It’s my hometown.

Why would I ever want to leave?

I wouldn’t.

I live my choices whether I want to or not.

Call me a sinner, call me a saint.

It’s a matter of opinion.

That I love Chico, that’s an opinion.

I love that opinion and I’ll argue anyone that Chico might be fucked up as anyplace, but it’s got Bidwell Park.

I’m putting down roots.

No roots by Alice Merton, I think, comes to mind. That was my life.

This is my life and I love it.

That means I need a new them song for my life.

I’ve gone and I’m going.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I want to thank Poison for this one.

Then the next song is One by Creed.

The only way is one.

We are a single ogamism

We are in a gyre.

Gyres make up everything. This is why we have an electromagnetic field that encapsulates us.

Why wouldn’t we be living in a gyre?

For those that don’t know, a gyre is the smallest subatomic particle. A gyre is also a singularity or black hole.

Trillions of gyres make me up.

What consciousness exists in a gyre?

Here’s what I think, I can’t prove it, however, I believe in it.

How do I know it’s true?

I don’t.

This is that leap of faith.

God is the gyre and the gyre is God.

God is in everything.

We are souls having a human experience.

Everything we do is spiritual experience.

It goes up and down like a spiral.

I’m just a soul healer, that means I could be wrong, and if I am I will be glad to know the truth.

The thing is, I don’t think that I am.

I think I nailed it.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

When love is on your side…

Oh how I would give up ten years of celibacy for one night with Dorothy.

It’s true, when love is on your side it’s a beautiful life.

I’ve seen it in my life. I love everyone, I’m in love with everyone. I don’t like many people, but I’m still in love with them.

Anyone who has ever had a significant other knows exactly what I’m talking about.

What does it mean to have love on your side?

First off, fuck off romantic love, that’s lust mixed with love.

That’s when you know how much you love when you don’t even care about sex.

Love is gravity.

Gravity can create a mirror.

The mirror will be distorted.

What you see is your love given form.

As people give love you can see them.

As you give love in everything you do.

What is it you don’t like about one?

That’s inside of you too.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Halestorm is driving this.

I stopped and waited for the next song which is Don’t walk away by Electric Light Orchestra.

I’m not sure I can explain in a way that others will understand what this means to me.

My redemption, what did I need to redeem myself of?

A good chunk of my life.

While on my redemption tour I have a friend who is a good person except their views on the opposite sex and they don’t mind getting their hands dirty, doing illegal things.

That’s what I’m walking away from.

Think about that person that likes to piss you off, that’s what this person does to me.

That’s why I’m walking away.

It’s for my own good.

I did some shit for this person that they can’t even acknowledge.

That was my lesson to learn.

If my life had a theme song, Whitesnake hit it.

I’ve said many times over that this is my theme song.

I don’t like to waste time. However, patience has taught me to wait, and waiting gives opportunity.

Think about it.

If one has to wait for years for something, one appreciates that something that much more.

Instant gratification does nothing for the soul.

I’ve waited for years for some things in my life and I’m still waiting for others.

I have had time on my hands, what do I do with it?

Find something you enjoy and do it. Find other things you enjoy while waiting.

Waiting has been a mode of life for me since I was a child. Then the military, hurry up and wait.

I’ve waited for so long that when I get guidance that says “Stop waiting, they’ll be waiting on you.”

Really, I don’t think so. I could be wrong, but why in the blue holy fuck would people be waiting on me?

I’m not that special, I get I’m smarter than most people which is not a good thing.

Why, I just want to ask the same question  over and over.

I get the answer I’ve been given, I just don’t like it.

However, I do get it.

I’m about to get busy as shit and I’ll enjoy the fuck out of it.

I’m a workaholic. If I don’t have shit to do, I do nothing and that stresses me out.

It used to, now I’m at peace with nothing to do.

I figured out how to relax and enjoy my company.

Here I go again and I have no clue where I am going to or how in the blue holy fuck to get there.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Belly is the band that no one knows but I do.

This song has a ton of meaning hidden within it.

I used to tell a story about what it means to be a king or a queen.

Lords and Ladies and they were the ones to take care of the people and the land.

The lord of the lord’s was the king and the lady of the ladies was the queen.

King and Queen were never found in the castle and wore no crowns. Instead they wandered through their kingdom helping people.

As the helped them they got to know them. Had they been good and decent people after they left something good would happen to them.

Had they been disloyal, and running a foul of the kings law, something horrific would happen to them.

King and Queen, what was their power?

Their anonymity. Had people known they were in presence of the king and queen the king and queen wouldn’t have gotten to see what they saw.

The moral of the story, do what you should be doing because you never know when the king and the queen will come by and you won’t even know they are there.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

This album is one of my favorites of all time and thank you Jim Steinmann and Meat Loaf for this one.

Listening to the title track, I can see myself tearing…

From when I had my stroke until now, I feel like a bat out of hell. I’m breaking out of my mind.

I don’t know if I could ever explain what it’s like to be on path and then have a stroke and lose the ability to speak.

Oh well, I’ll deal with it, I do anyway. That’s what I appreciate about myself. I deal with shit.

I figure out what I should do, and then I do it. I never make excuses even though I could, but that only hurts me in the end and that hurts others.

It’s why I do what I do.

I get why kill your conscience from Shinedown is playing. Followed by brilliant.

I don’t know if others will get it, but I do. It’s my life and if you had had my life, you would get it.

Be grateful that you have your life, not mine. My life is difficult to love and I’m grateful for my life.

I work to be a gift for others.

I got the gift of life.

Why not be a gift with my life?

If we all did this…