Hungarian, French, Irish, English, Scottish, Dutch, African, and Cherokee.
Hungarian has Eastern European, Asian and Persian.
One is as gray as they come. The Gray one.
The only thing I don’t have is Aboriginal in my DNA.
I look white with blue eyes.
My hair is curly.
This is what goes into the psychology of this one.
When I was born I was born deaf. It wasn’t until I was 2 and 1/2 that anyone noticed.
I responded when they aimed their emotion at me, even though I couldn’t hear.
This is the Empath.
As I remember the first memory I have is of a girl my age showing me a toy. I was 2.
The next memory was when I had the operation to put tubes in my ears so that I could hear. I saw this guy using a plastic glove he had blown up and drawn a happy face on it.
I remember thinking “What the fuck?”
I don’t ever remember a time I couldn’t read. My mom said I started reading at 3.
Now this one is highly intelligent as one could understand complex ideas and form a thought that understood what one was doing.
At 4 one’s dad caught one watching Public Broadcast TV. What one was watching was a class on advanced economics that one understood perfectly as one showed when one’s father asked what one was watching. One explained it using ones own words. Showing one understood what one was watching.
One’s father was a narcissist.
One couldn’t be smarter than him. That’s when it started. My IQ is 215 and when I saw that number I asked to take it again 195, I asked to take it again, 170.
After trying to make myself dumb, I realized I need to fuck up too much and that I couldn’t do.
The fact that my father was a narcissist meant he couldn’t accept the truth that anyone might be smarter than he was. My dad had a photographic memory, meaning he could remember everything.
My dad was a genius in his own right. My dad’s IQ was probably around 160-170.
My mom was intelligent as well.
My mom could sense earthquakes. If mom said an earthquake was coming and where it was going to hit, she never missed.
Empath.
My dad was a Telepath.
I don’t know where I got the Medium from.
My dad said once that he thought he was the only telepath. What that did to him was as brutal as brutal gets.
Think about it. You have this ability and no one knows because who would believe you in the 1950s and 60s when my dad grew up.
My dad was a tortured soul.
I was happy when he died and finally got the peace he desired. His life was as tortured as tortured gets. He lived with Parkinsons disease for more than 20 years. Watching as the disease took my father’s life.
I can’t imagine, nor do I want to know what that disease does to human mind. My dad used to be one of those that never failed anything he ever put effort into.
That PD hit him, that was judgement that he had taken in himself.
The higherself will fuck you up until you learn.
I’m truly happy to have learned this much and I look forward to learning more.
I channel what I write. It flows through me, not from me.
Do you think that valentine’s day had something to do with my amorous feelings towards her?
I’m an Empath, I ride the wave. So as valentine’s day was approaching I felt more and more, til she disappeared.
Then she came back, then disappeared again.
Right now, if I saw her, eh. If someone wants to talk to me, they can.
She has proven that she doesn’t want to talk to me and I’m good with that.
I’m at peace, fools fall in love, and I’m wise enough to know better.
Shame on me. Somebody smack my hand.
That’s the thing with me, you never really know what your dealing with, and most of that is on you.
Witches burn by the pretty reckless started.
There was a time that people such as me were burned or worse.
I can’t imagine burning to death.
I’m a natural born witch.
Let me give you an example.
I like Black Jack. If it’s me and the dealer, I lose my ass.
However if I’m sitting at third base with a full table, as long as people bet smart, people win. They change the dealer, people still win. One night I was watching them change dealer after dealer.
That’s just an example of shit I do.
Now imagine your me and you just wrote this and it’s true.
What would you do?
I haven’t been gambling in years, many of them. More than 20. Because gambling is a sin, but if you know your going to win, this is my quandary.
I’m letting you see me as I am at any given moment in time while remembering stuff along the way.
This is the only way you’ll get my autobiography.
Why should anyone have to pay jack shit to read me?
I don’t get some women. Sweetheart has not shown for work in the last couple days. I found her on Facebook and asked how her mother was doing. Then I said I wanted to be friends. If you don’t reply I’ll never bother you again.
My medicine by the pretty reckless is playing and I get it.
I’m a hardcore romantic. I buy flowers just because. I write poetry. I cook, I clean, I give full body massages. I’m a tantra master.
And I’ve been celibate for over 10 years now.
4 wives.
That has looking for the one. The one that gets me.
There have been several, several, several women that have applied to my mine.
Here’s the thing about valentine’s day, if you need one day a year to show someone how much you love them, what in the blue holy fuck are you doing with anyone?
My wives, and girlfriends can tell you that I never missed a birthday, anniversary, anything that was important to her.
I didn’t care, but she cared and that was enough for me.
I get I’m a rare commodity. I’m a gentleman who is intelligent. A gentleman who knows how to treat a lady, and will only accept a lady.
A lady needs no make up.
I loved my wives for what they looked like without makeup more than with.
However I did get a nasty piece of plastic out of my finger finally.
Now the power is on.
What you give by Tesla came on.
You do get what you give.
I look at my coworkers and I see a bit of of me in them.
I see the dude who couldn’t be any duder if wasn’t such a great dude at 25.
Then there’s the smart ass I was, you think he gets away with a damn thing with me?
He made me laugh once, but he didn’t know.
Then there’s the madame. She’s living her dream.
Then there’s the guy that I once was. Several of the guys I once was.
I got better.
Then there’s the two that i get it, but I wish I didn’t.
I love my life.
I love that my boss is left handed like me.
I get the dude who offered me ride and he is a dude for sure.
And I caught a couple dudes that reminded me I’m not the only one.
Working at Walmart has been fun. It’s beat the shit out of me. However, it’s a job I enjoy.
Always the masochist, just beat me, whip me call me Susan.
Actually on second thought, no.
That used to me.
I’m not sure what wally world has for me next, but it will fun.
No matter what you do, no matter where you go, have fun, if it’s not fun, make it fun. Because no one likes to work.
I’ve been saying this for more than 35 years.
I figured it would catch at some point.
Actually no I didn’t and I’m glad it never did. Then I would have to find a new way to say it.
I do this. When something I say gets around to the point where others are saying it, a friend once told me her daughters called it Jimisms. That’s when I knew I had get some original material.
I’m always on. Even when I’m not, I am.
The shows I’ve put on, the shows I will put on as a performance artist.
I love The Killers and that’s one band I’d love to see. Mr. Brightside was playing when I came in.
Coming out of my cage, this really hits home with me. I feel as if I’ve been caged for five years. Since my stroke.
Now I have two projects for the weekends that are going to take a lot.
Let me explain.
I understand at this level and it’s a high as fuck level.
I need to get, for lack of a better word, stupid. I have an IQ of 215.
For me conversation that isn’t about something scientific, spiritual, or from one my favorite TV Shows or movies or music.
If you can introduce me to new music, I’ll be your friend.
My favorite shows are the Star Treks, Andromeda, Farscape, Stargate SG-1.
At one point I had down loaded all ten seasons of SG-1. I have seen the entire series several times.
One of my favorites is when the have a show about the Stargate, called Wormhole Extreme. Carter, says it would be a great front for the program. If any gets wise they can blame the show.
I think about putting myself in front of people to hide. I’ve done it before.
Like, I really think there is a program, whether or not it’s Stargate, or something else. Now I can’t confirm it, it’s an idea the show have me with that episode.
I look at giving instruction on spirituality and I don’t want to do it. If I fuck up, I fuck their lives up. I don’t want that responsibility, but I’ll take it.
Responsible.
I’m responsible.
The understandings that come through as I write about this tells me I’m doing the right thing. It’s my decision and I’ve made it.
Fuck it, I’m doing it anyway even though it scares the shit out of me.
As much as this title is weird as fuck, it describes my life and thank you Sturgill Simpson for this one.
The next song Peace Easy Feeling by the Eagles.
I started writing a text book, and I like to write blog, so I’m writing on this blog.
The Abnormal Psychology of a Conduit.
I had an issue with abnormal, but I figure I’m not normal so abnormal it is.
This is scary shit.
Fuck it, I’m doing anyway.
This is how I got to be me. A series of scary shit and I said fuck it, I’m doing it anyway.
Why let fear paralyze me?
It makes no sense. I push through it knowing I got to do it. I can let the fear make it a miserable experience or I can push though the fear by saying fuck it.
In that moment I take the power back. I know I will survive whatever, so now it’s time to do it.
That takes less than a fraction of a second for my mind to set it’s course. Once my mind is made up, there is no changing it unless one can show a more efficient way.
Fear is not efficient. However fear can cause one to find efficiency. It can motivate one to know the most efficient way to do something.
I fear writing an actual text book, all the reviews and peer reviews and shit like that. Fear has given me the efficient way to write it, on my blog.
I figure if anyone can understand what I write, why should I charge anyone for anything I write?
I can come up with justifications left and write. I’ve already done that.
This is it.
This is why I don’t make money for being a Táltos. In ancient times a shaman would have another job because what he did for people he wouldn’t charge them.
Those who need, need.
It is a mockery of shamanism that any one shaman makes a living as a Shaman.
I’m a conduit. I’ve studied psychology, behavioral psychology, abnormal psychology and stuff.
A Conduit is a human who is an Empath, Telepath and Medium. They can know stuff from everywhere. How do they do it?
First off the individual has an IQ off the board, 200 would be the baseline for a functioning Conduit.
It takes that kind of intellect in order to know what one is dealing with. Their awareness of self and their surroundings borders on the supernatural.
What does that do to a human?
A ton of fucked up shit because one was born a Conduit, however one was born into a world where things such as Conduits are thought to be imaginary and works of fiction.
How does one know one is a Conduit?
I’ve done a shit ton of experiments on myself and others to understand what I do.
Each experiment proved without a shadow of a doubt I do what I say I do.
This a good place to start.
I’m writing the book to teach from the book later. You get to see what’s going in the book because we exist to share life.
We don’t exist to make others pay for what we have learned.
We exist to share life and all it’s joys and sorrows and learnings.
I don’t know if anyone can understand what I’m going to try to explain.
Some of it has no words only understanding.
Think about let your good deeds go unnoticed.
I shine like a motherfucker.
At work tonight this song played and it made me want to cry. The words hitting home. Few song make me want to cry.
This one was the first time it made me want to cry.
Why is it that I wanted to cry?
As the chorus hit I could feel my eyes well up and I held it. Each time the chorus hit me eyes welled, and each time I held it.
It was an understanding of my life, where it is, where it was, where it’s going. I don’t know where it’s going but I have an idea.
Sound of madness by Shinedown is playing. Oh how I know the sound of madness. I wouldn’t say I wrote the book on pain, but my life has dealt with pain upon pain upon pain.
When am I going to wake up and fight for myself?
What’s the point of fighting?
I find that using peaceful, yet teachable lessons are something that can happen.
I’ve been guilty of so much that I can’t even stop to think about it, the memory reel is going to fast.
It paused me for a second.
I need to be guilty of something.
Why?
So I can feel like others.
That’s stupid.
Yeah, I know.
I’m guilty of not saying shit when I know the truth.
It’s interesting when I do speak up on LinkedIn. I’ve been using LinkedIn as of late to see how my skills are progressing.
I figure if I can beat the supposed best and brightest they have to offer and clean the floor with them, or they ask me questions which is a new one.
LinkedIn is full of people who desperately seek validation.
It’s easy.
All one has to do is make a valid point that blows their point out of the water. Then refuse to give them validation.
The reason I do this is because these are the same people that post who needs a validation I’m valid.
Really.
One also has to have studied everything I have studied. That’s where I get them.
They haven’t studied what I’ve studied.
The CFO that stopped talking to me once I made it abundantly clear that his oint made zero sense and he should no better being that he’s a CFO.
This is what I’m guilty of. I’m one of the smartest people on the planet, I work at Walmart, I fuck with people who wouldn’t even get in the door any other way.
My bills are paid.
I look at it this way, I’m as lazy as lazy gets. If you want something done quick, find the laziest motherfucker around.
It’s not that I have anything against work, I would just rather work on my theory.
However I need to live, so Walmart it is.
That’s what I’m guilty of. Being a philosopher that should be teaching the younger generation.
Here’s the thing, I’ve worked for years to reach many of them to be shit on by them all.
I don’t take any shit from anyone.
Why would any want to shit on me for being intelligent and figuring shit out.
I don’t know, insecure.
That would be it. If there is one thing about this generation that makes me sick as fuck is there insecurity and making excuses for it.
This is what I do. I decided to write, hit the shuffle. Then I went out to have a smoke, when I came back Crazy little thing called love was playing and as I started writing The Seeker by The Who came on.
Love is crazy.
Love is not insane.
The definition of insanity is doing the same shit over and over and expecting different results.
Anything else, no matter how much one might think it’s crazy, is totally ok.
Let’s dive right in to see if I know what I’m talking about.
Crazy is giving a woman a poem that she was not expecting.
Doing it again would be insane.
Crazy is loving someone and telling them.
Insane is when they don’t want you and you still follow them around like a lost dog.
Crazy is doing the unexpected.
Insane is doing only what’s expected.
Now this one, has caveats. At work doing what is expected is a good thing.
Everything has one exception.
I think of love and not romantic love. I don’t know if it’s been too long since I’ve had a hug or something else. However, I look at life and something is missing.
This was the line from Rock And Roll Never Forgets as I walked into my room after having a smoke and grabbing coffee.
That was my day.
I just got home and tonight was fun.
I got told my art work and the message on it was well received.
Then Sapphire happened. The laziest person I work with. She stopped working a section and did something else. While she was on her phone. This meant that she couldn’t hear me when I asked a tool.
At her age I had already been on a humanitarian mission in the Air Force.
I have no patience for stupidity. Being at work on your phone is stupid.
Next I had Em. Em thought he was going to be a smart ass until I said some shit that made him feel as guilty as he was.
I got teach a couple people some shit.
I think about my dignity and my integrity. The two go hand in hand.
I used to be the world’s biggest smart ass. Now, I’m the dick that fucks up how smart they thought they were and lets them see where they fucked up.
Working with me is easy, working against me will go very bad for you.
I’m as pleasant as can be at work.
However,I remember what changed it for me, my son.
I used to be a pain in the ass because I was trying to be. Now I’m a pain the ass for working and doing what I’m supposed to making others look like shit.
No one wants to be near me because I work like motherfucker.
And I don’t like rap, far be it from me but when I hear nigger over and over again at work, somebody has got a real disrespect problem. That they feel what they listen to is what everyone within earshot should listen to, that means they have zero respect for anyone else.
This is the new generation, you really need to learn your manners.
The one dude who’s half my age, got raised right. Works his ass off making me look bad, I’m 50, he’s 25. He should be making look bad.
Not all of the new generation needs come upins.
Come upins is where you come up against the shit that fucks you up and based on how you deal with it, could be more on your plate, or your done.
Any lovin’ is good lovin’, so I took what I could get.
Through 40 that was me. I was a slut, all a woman had to do was get me drunk.
In the last ten years I’ve been not drinking.
Every last one night stand I had was do to drinking.
The last ten years I’ve been celibate. At first I didn’t think there was a way I could make a year, much less ten.
Why am I writing this?
You know that sweetheart, you really really like her.
So.
I’m not having sex with anyone until we have a nap.
Sleeping next to another is the best way to know if you like waking up next to them.
No sex.
Not even a kiss.
If we wake up and we still like each other, then it’s on like donkey Kong.
I like a lot of foreplay.
Conversation is foreplay. Leading each other through each other’s minds. Taking time to know how relaxed you are, and the other is with each other.
Taking the time to sit silently together, not because you agreed to it, because your that comfortable that no words are needed.
This is what it means to be wooed by a gentleman.
I drew a soul flower for sweetheart. She took it and said I was sweet. No the rambunctious teenager is at the front of my mind.
However, I’ve learned to manage that reaction into a response that doesn’t’t make me sound like a I got a screw loose.
I like to make dinner.
Chicken with balsamic vinegar, fresh garlic, coconut oil, sesame seed oil, teriyaki, and a sprinkle of provolone.
Baby red potatoes with rosemary and fresh garlic.
French bread.
Now I’m hungry.
Dinner and conversation are the perfect foreplay.
If you know you and your partner are planning to have sex, make the day foreplay. Give each other texts that could be erotic.
One of my favorite ex girlfriends, we used to write erotic poetry through text.
Erotic is not “I’m gonna fuck….”
Erotic is “as I lay here I have no idea what to do, can you help me figure it out?”
You truly have zero idea what that means, however if you have a mind that understands sex and innuendo, one can say anything and have it be a sexual reference.
Now speaking to a lover is not speaking to anyone else.
One should never be lustful with one that one doesn’t have permission to lust after.
For crying out loud cut out the one night stands and the sex for a relationship.
Look for one that one wants to talk to.
Because talking is all your going to as you get older.
This is my life. I’m always working to get better since my stroke 5 years ago. I know how much better I can do. It frustrates me to no end.
Both sides now by Neil Diamond is playing.
I’ve seen me at an IQ of 215 before my stroke. People hated seeing my name when I commented. They knew they were done because they couldn’t argue against my point unless they lied.
Since my stroke, I understand that I don’t speak well and it’s my shit to deal with. No one is at fault. It just is.
This is how I deal with it. I fight every day to get better every day. I’m getting better every day. My writing is proof of that.
I don’t get stuck on words as much. Thinking about a word didn’t used to be a problem for me.
Used to be I had a mastery of the English language.
I write this and I’m at peace with it. I know I’m getting better daily.
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
I wrote a spiritual book, that if you understand it, you don’t need me.
I’m not one for getting behind the pulpit in a figure of speech. I don’t look at others as if the need me to figure their shit out. Just figure it out.
Tonight I had a woman tell me that philosophers such as myself have a responsibility.
Figures this the daily prompt.
I work nights and I just got home.
What do I need to do what I don’t want to do, the right, right woman.
I’ve been celibate for ten years waiting to meet the right woman.
I worked last night for the 5th straight night. I’m hurting.
If any of you have read me, you know that on a 1-10 scale of pain, my 8 would kill most people.
I’m at a 9 on my scale, meaning most of you couldn’t live doing what I do. That fucks with me. For me physical pain is more of an annoyance than anything.
When I got home I get naked, put in my comfy clothes, rolled a joint and headed downstairs for coffee. I had filled up the Keurig before I left.
My roommate decided to empty it out and when I discovered that I had already smoked the joint. I am in pain, so my patience is limited.
Had that been the first time, almost every time I want to make a cup of coffee I have to refill the damn water reservoir thing up.
This is a little thing, that could get someone killed.
I know how deadly I am.
I could walk into his room and snap his neck, why don’t I do it?
Because I live by one rule, don’t go to jail.
That means anything illegal is off the table.
And tonight I had someone put me in my place and I didn’t like it, however she was absolutely correct I’m what she had to say. I’m dealing with it.
Philosophers such as myself have a responsibility to everyone.
We are the deep thinkers.
We solve the shit that you need solved.
It’s our place to run shit. Not politicians, really intelligent people.
There should be an IQ standard for and civil service. If you aren’t intelligent you don’t get to run anything but a business.
I look at the world with veteran eyes.
If you served your country allowing us all to not have to worry, you should run the country.
If we look at those who run shit, I don’t want any drunks. Alcohol destroys the brain and pickles the body.
I get why prohibition got started. I get why some religions have no booze.
A complaint that has no solution is going to tank you.
I look at what I could complain about, eh, doesn’t bother me.
I have zero complaints about my life.
The closest thing to a complaint is just a matter of waiting.
I hate it when people bitch, moan and complain.
I truly hate it when they complain about a contract they signed and the other party did their part, but what is it about student loans that people don’t want to live up their side of the deal?
I signed a contract and I have an outstanding student loan.
I don’t expect anyone to pay for my student loan.
I look at as if I didn’t think I had to pay, why?
What’s so special about me that I don’t have to pay my student loan?
I’m responsible.
At some point I’ll pay it. It’s my debt and I have the obligation to pay it.
The whole student debt thing is about responsibility, and those who cry over student debt, fuck ’em.
The Guess Who makes to the table while Life is Beautiful by Sixx A.M. follows suit.
If you can say something nice, make sure it’s damn true.
While I am as grateful as grateful could be for my last wife, she took advantage of me in ways I can’t even describe. She’s a dream weaver, meaning she can invade your dreams and make you see shit that most people would actually fall for.
Imagine you have a dream where you appear in a coral with the posts are pink demon looking things.
There’s a house and a boy standing in the second story window.
So I go in the house and there’s a few people at the table. They said your dead, now you can tell all your secrets.
That’s when I headed out of the house and figured out where the exit was.
Had this been the only time she fucked with my dreaming, I wouldn’t have developed dream defense. Wouldn’t even have thought of it.
Thank you.
There was one that I wish I could have again because it was cool as fuck. Fucked up shit, kind of demonic, but it was cool.
I exorcise demons, for me it’s like a kid in the candy store. I get most people would be rightly terrified by shit I don’t even blink at.
I always wanted to meet a dude that can do the shit I do. Instead I became me.
And I can teach anyone.
My email is jimccarterjr@gmail.com.
Two C’s.
So now Kansas has told be to carry on wayward son, so I bid adieu.
Her mother had a heart attack and that’s why she missed work.
Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty is playing and I’m in a free fall and I don’t care if I land.
It feels like I’m in love, and no.
Hungarian heart always falls in love first, then they get to them.
I’m working at not being that.
You ever look at someone for the first time and it hits you. I’ve had this happen before. I get the guidance is wait for her mother to be ok and then she’ll invite you to a date, but not a date.
I get it.
When I was 18 her name was something different. But she had the same skills. But she doesn’t know.
Telling someone their a telepath isn’t fun. Think about it.
I figured out when I was 37.
I talked to many people from my past to find out what I thought, I was correct without fail. Even though most of the time I was lied to.
Think about knowing the lies that you e heard that at one point you thought were true and then you figure out you already knew.
I can’t explain the emotional rollercoaster. It’s different for everyone.
I used to do this 6 days a week as an admin for an Empath group.
I was the guy that could tell them what they actually were, and it was not fun, it was work.
I’m a workaholic. I know me, I’ve seen me throw myself into something time and time again.
Doesn’t matter if you paid, if you do it 6 or more days a week and never tire of it, your a workaholic.
Imagine just came on.
That’s what I want to work on, building bridges of peace, I would never get tired of that.
Journey is the one that takes a journey in my mind.
Followed by Don’t Bring me Down by Electric Light Orchestra.
Fuck it I’m high.
I was talking with someone at work about how determination gas got me stuff. However, the shit the pops up and jumps on my lap, that’s the shit I actually truly wanted, I may not have known that at the time, but it has yet to fail.
I get this “guidance” that I’m getting a new job that I never applied for.
Now this “guidance” comes from I don’t know where. I could know, but that would ruin the surprise. I love surprises.
Do you understand that I picked my mother’s thoughts out of her head to find out about my surprise birthday party when I was 30.
Imagine your wise as shit, what surprised you?
I get it, that most people won’t get it.
I write for me.
If they need to study some shit before they get me, then starting studying.
I’ve studied philosophy, psychology and several of the psychologies, quantum mechanics, physics, martial arts, reiki, and stuff.
I’m that dude that knows shit.
All anyone has to do is ask.
A moment of my time for anyone of you is a priceless memory about that one time I met this dude.
I’m that dude.
It’s become a thing for me to have a convo with someone and for them it’s a unique experience, for me it’s what happens when I meet people.
I get how it sounds, it’s just my life.
I am just a dude who does dumb shit on occasion.
I’m also a prophet. I don’t like it.
I don’t like having people look at me for guidance from in high or done stupid shit like that.
That’s why I wrote The Book of Khaos Majick.
That’s what I use for my spirituality.
If one can read and can understand what it says, one does not need me.
How do I explain the feeling that I belong to Chico?
Everyone belongs where they are, if they didn’t the would be somewhere else.
If I move I’ll belong to that city. However, I never think about leaving. I figure if the opportunity comes up, it will. If not, nothing to worry about.
Why allow thinking of another place distract me from my life where it is now?
What purpose would it serve?
If I’m daydreaming about my life and where I want it to go, that’s egocentric.
If I’m daydreaming about my life and where people need someone like me?
That’s thinking we.
Stop thinking about the me.
Think about the we.
This is how we create our lives.
We create our lives while daydreaming.
We.
It’s all about we.
Tell me something not about me, but about a we you used to know.
Queen, if you don’t like this band, it’s says everything wrong about you.
We, it’s a we that gets things done.
From everything we do we count on others.
I want to write right now. I needed the dudes who made my phone, the dudes and broads that run the electricity, the dudes and broads that run the communication shit for wifi, the dudes and broads…you get the point.
I needed everyone to do their part so I could write right now.
Never think about me.
Think about the we.
A new mantra I’m creating for myself in this moment.
I watched a couple YouTube clips I made several years ago, before my stroke.
I was impressed by the dude in the video. I can’t explain what it’s like to lose the ability to speak and then see yourself when you could speak.
I’ve been getting better daily, but I’m nowhere near 100%, maybe 75% or less.
It’s been 5 years.
Now I’m living the dream.
The place, the job, all I need now is an actual fucking bed. Still sleeping on a cot. It’s a comfy cot, but it’s not a bed.
If I’m honest with myself I’m missing a woman.
A woman that can put me in my place. A woman that can learn from me as she teaches me. A Conduit, meaning I channel her guidance to her through my mouth.
A woman that understands that and wants to learn.
I’m looking for my mirror reflection in the female form.
Wise as shit and no one cares, can get people to fuck off by telling them the truth, and stuff.
It’s takes a we for me to meet her.
That will be a glorious day for the we we become and the we will rock you.
If you understood that last sentence, I might be looking for you.
Getting up is the first thing you do for anything.
When I wake up it takes me at least an hour before I should ever speak to anyone. Being an empath, telepath and medium, the Conduit combo, I take on a lot shit while I sleep.
It takes me an hour at least to wake up fully.
It used to be I woke up and whatever anyone else needed trumped what I needed. Now, you got a wait a bit.
After that I don’t give a shit about many people. I love them, but I don’t like them and what they do.
However, I never let it turn to hate. An ex girlfriend once told me you have to love a person to truly hate them.
I hate the behavior and I love the person.
Narcissism has fucked our world for the most part.
Those that are not narcissists have a truly fucked up deal in dealing with someone who will never admit they ever did wrong.
That’s the thing, if one can’t admit they fucked up, they should not be allowed to ever hold any office.
It amazes me that my shuffle knows what the fuck I’m dealing with.
Bob Seger is a motherfucker of a song writer.
I think about change all the time. The one constant in the universe is change.
The only constant in the universe is change.
As I sit here now I’m changing in the molecular level.
However I’m still the same. I still love rock n roll. I still love the blues.
I still love me some Iron fuckin’ Maiden.
I still love Star Trek, Andromeda, Farscape, Stargate SG-1, and it’s all the Star Treks.
I watch Star Trek every day. I’m that fucking nerd.
I once posed a theory that William Shatner is actually James Tiberius Kirk. He traveled back in time to make sure that the show got made. It had to do with who watched it.
This is the theory, stupid idea that I had and I know some Trek fans will see it as true.
I’ve never gone to a Convention. I did get William Shatner to tell me to fuck off. I was never so happy to get cursed out by anyone.
I get I do some unusual shit. I mean who else do you know that devours ghosts?
The is no destination for the seeker, only points of interest.
Let the flow of your life flow and it will show you where to go. It’ll probably lead you there as you stop thinking you can out think the universe.
Think about it, if the universe reflects who you are and who you truly are, you life will go amazingly well.
I used to think it was Jesus and God, I got better.
Now I realize it’s synchronicity set on our words.
Every word we speak is a neverending spell.
I created as I speak.
Said even simpler, Abracadabra.
People think using ritual majic is a way to go. I’ve tried it. I don’t like borrowing power or worshipping anything.
I do use a form of magic. Silver magic is what I call it.
Using silver magic I put a spell on myself. If one ever tries to spell, curse, vex, use voodoo, sick a demon on me, anything they want bad to happen to me, it’s what happens to them until the wish me well.
I do not fuck around with my protection.
I do fuck around. Here and there.
However when I fuck around, I know what I’m fucking with. If I don’t know what I am fucking with, tread with curious caution.
I don’t know much in the grand scheme of everything.
I will never know everything, that’s a fools quest. All I can do is learn and learn and learn and learn….and so on.
Wisdom asks questions in order to learn.
Finding the right question is a job for one’s life.
The right question will always be what does one need to know right now?
Neil Diamond the master of the love song is driving through my mind as I write this. He had a song that is this title.
I was in the Air Force.
I was a stay at home dad.
I’ve been homeless.
I’ve been a manager.
I was a cab driver.
I’ve done a ton of shit from hanging drywall to stocking toys to taking care of disabled veterans.
I always wanted to see what it looked like to do what they do. So I got jobs doing what they do.
Now I got a temporary job at Walmart.
I have reservations about it, but I don’t know what I don’t know.
Could be….
I don’t think about could be, I deal with what is.
What is it I’m dealing with now?
My life is ideal, if I get the permanent position, all my troubles are over and I can start saving for an electric houseboat.
I got 15 years until retirement.
I may not go the full 15 with Walmart, but I know I’ll always be taken care of.
The universe takes care of those who are responsible with what they are given.
I’ve seen it. As I’ve gotten back to myself, the things I’ve seen and felt can’t be explained. However if one can understand the feeling of starting life completely over and feeling what it feels like to know one will never worry about one’s life, it’s an amazing feeling.
I got possessed and I made it back from the possession and I don’t know how, I just never stopped fighting for my life.
I will always fight for my life.
Anyone else, depends on the situation.
Used to be I would fight for America. I was in the Air Force.
I knew I might be that situation, and thankfully I was not.
To get me to reconsider my being a pacifist, no way, go fuck yourself, fuck you.
I’m a pacifist.
Now I fight without fighting. Never lay a finger on one and one won’t have to worry about others laying their fingers on one.
If there’s a new way, I’ll be the first in line, but its got a work this time.
Peace sells but who’s buying?
Who buys peace?
We can think of the ads that say for your peace of mind.
What are they selling that is got your peace of mind?
How is it we let others tell us what is peaceful?
It’s an opinion.
True peace, what is that?
If one is at peace one has no reaction to anything.
One can take it in stride.
How does one build peace?
Through forgiveness.
Think about it, what you have not forgiven will always be a pain in your life. Vengeance will always be a factor in anything you do because you have not forgiven.
Let’s use the middle East. Israel and the lot are at war.
Why?
Proportionate response.
Had they just forgiven…
This is why we have war.
You did this to me and now I will get even.
This is a simplified version of why we have wars.
If you don’t believe my God, you die.
The other reason we have wars.
We want what you have and we don’t want to share.
Another reason for war.
Frankly it’s all stupid to me.
Religion, using God as your reason to kill. That is dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.
God is love, unconditional love. Meaning God accepts everyone.
I look at something I wrote, having to do with Lucifer and why he became the silver mirror.
I was the light that God created. All I could see was one thing after another that was a horror. I dove deep into the depths to find what God couldn’t love.
When I realized there was nothing that God couldn’t love, that’s when I asked God to change me.
Paraphrased of course. It’s in one of my books on Amazon.
INXS is the driver for this travel through my mind.
Every single one of us has the devil inside of us.
Some call it the inner retard.
Others call it the bar that throws comments.
Doesn’t matter what you call it, we each have a dark side.
Mastering your dark side is essential to evolution.
That means understanding why one has a dark side and one knows when one’s dark side can come out. When one’s dark side comes out no one is harmed, either emotionally or physically.
That’s Mastering your dark side.
I’ve seen what I could do if laws weren’t there. That I choose to obey the law is a good thing in my book.
It’s a choice we all make, most of us at the unconscious level. However, it is a choice.
If we break the law we have to pay the consequences.
Why is it so many think they don’t have to pay the consequences for the wrong they do?
I get it. The things I do that have been wrong, I don’t do anymore. Typically it took once.
I learn from my mistakes.
Anyone who never made a mistake is a narcissist who can’t admit they made a mistake so they make the same mistakes all the time.
Mastering your dark side is dangerous.
You will face danger.
I’ve faced danger. I’ve had an AK-47 pointed at my skull.
Things such as this will have you understanding your dark side.
For me, I looked at the fact that I was in a car, and he was far enough away that there wasn’t shit I could do had he fired.
I thought about it. Had he been closer, I may have thought about it, and then I would have realized that others had weapons as well. That was when I relaxed because there was nothing I could do.
Mastering the darkness allows for one to realize death is only a transformation.
I care if I live or die. However, I cannot make my life worrying about death.
I will die at some point in some way and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
Read that again and apply it to yourself.
Death is a transformation back to the soul we were.
Why are we as a people terrified of getting older?
Anti-aging has become an industry.
If there weren’t customers there wouldn’t be the industry.
The devil inside says your getting older and you need to remain young.
My family, my parents and sister, I looked nothing like them, and behavior, I behave nothing like they did.
Among friends, the shit I like takes a backseat.
Among social media, oh yeah I’m an outcast.
Why?
Why is it that I have been an outcast?
I like talking about non human beings as if they actually exist.
I read people to the soul.
Most people I can’t talk to that about.
Most people don’t understand because they can’t do it, so that means no one can do it unless they’re someone famous and the people don’t need to be faced with it in their face.
I get that I’m venting, and what can be done is already being done by myself and others.
I like being an outcast, however I would like to know what it feels like to be acknowledged for my skills.
Acknowledged, not looking for validation, I know I’m valid.
However, one more fucking douche bag dip shit says I’m not an Empath because they don’t exist, I will forget I’m a pacifist.
I will remember that I studied martial arts and I know how to rip people’s throats out.
This is who I am.
I know how deadly I am. It’s why I’m always sitting with my back to the wall even I’m my own place. My awareness is looking for an attack.
What is the best way to avoid an attack?
Don’t be there when they attack.
It’s better to not fight. Fighting is two people who are trying to kill each other.
Boxing, MMA, anything with rules is not fighting.
It’s sport, but it’s not fighting.
My old Kung Fu master tried MMA, the shit he couldn’t do because it was illegal…
He taught me a few things though he never knew I’d been studying martial arts most of my life.
No one knew until I decided to become a pacifist after nearly killing my nephew in self defense in less than 10sec.
That’s when I talked about it.
Bruce Lee wrote Jeet Kun do and what I gathered from it, had anyone ever seen me fight, they would know how to beat me unless I continued to evolve in skill and form.
No one looks for what they aren’t looking for.
The master and the sword become 0.
I wrote this years ago.
When the master meets the sword, the sword cuts the fuck out of the master.
As the master and the sword become one they move together as one.
However as they become 0, the master realizes the sword is a sword and knows what it needs to do, no need for the master.
The sword will cut down any and all of the masters foes without the master even touching the sword.
Fight without fighting and let the roving sword protect you.
But be wary not to be cut by the sword for doing what one knows not to do.
The sword will kill, however the sword will fuck you up for a while first.
Tracy Chapman has got me thinking about a woman who is 22, I’m 50.
I once wrote this article talking about every man/woman needs to find an older member of the opposite sex that they can trust to give them advice.
I look for grandma’s and see what they say.
Think about this way. I’ve learned from older women my entire life.
I’ve learned from older men my entire life.
Each has a lot to teach.
It’s why I use “one” because any who has dealt with any situation is one I look for when I need advice.
It could be one is younger, older, my age, man, woman. I don’t do race, however I acknowledge that other cultures have existed for thousands of years.
I get they are not going to change any time soon.
This means one could be any color of the rainbow.
It really pisses me off that the LGBTQ fuck heads stole the rainbow for their logo.
I went in to Stonewall the LGBTQ place in town to teach reiki for free to everyone. Until I got so much hate from the leader of the session that I apologized if my being straight offended anyone, and I left crying.
I haven’t thought about that in a couple years. I’ve dealt with it.
Note I say one could be a man or a woman. I don’t care who they fuck.
I used to get stoned with my hairdresser in my twenties and he was as gay as gay could be. He would say he was a flamer.
It’s not that I have anything against anyone for who they want to fuck.
When I drove cab, I had a few gay men hit on me. I told them I’m straight but I’m flattered.
Why wouldn’t any one be flattered if anyone thought they were cute, and in a drunken stuper tried picking one up?
Love knows no sex.
Lust knows sex.
Lust mixed with love can produce the most amazing sex.
It don’t matter who you have sex with.
Something’s, most things are Universal in understanding.
But listening to this song it brings back so many images and video reels in my mind’s eye.
My mind’s eye plays before me yet it moves so fast that the conscious mind can barely grasp. It’s why I let the intuive mind do the thinking.
I get what I’m doing. Trying to explain it to all of you, well, step into my mind that has been strategically twisted.
That means I used strategy to twist my mind inside and out.
Why let anyone else have control over my mind?
Frequently throughout the day I ask “is this mine?”
As any empath should. It’s the best way to know if it’s not. Then one has choices, take it and deal with it, send it back, and a couple others.
I use Reiki. My Reiki.
I put myself at peace and transmute the emotional energy floating in the room being repressed or suppressed. Taking it and using the state of peace to transmute it into pure love healing energy that goes everywhere like an orb across the universe nearly instaneously.
I know I’ve written that more than a few times.
I do it to remind myself what I do I do for everyone in the universe. I give love to the universe.
I don’t think about what I get.
I know that I’ll get mine, no need to worry, let go into the flow.
I am here on this bar stool like a circle it ends where it starts.
David Lowry is one of my favorite artists. His band, Cracker, not uncle cracker, Cracker has been singing my life and others lives for many years.
I’m am here in my chair and I can’t even begin to explain this lyric as it is my life, more or less.
However, it’s a spiral, going up and down depending on my mood. I work to keep the spiral tight. I like to allow my emotions to get the better of me as they did today.
Got my electric bike today.
Couldn’t even get the seat and the handle bars right. I was so excited.
On the way home I figured out what I need to do. One or two adjustments tomorrow and it will be fine.
I love the bike, however I’m a perfectionist. I work to not be do exacting. However, if it works for you, not against you, fuck it.
And I got a drone delivered today. This is something I’m going to enjoy learning.
I love my life.
I love the lack of spiraling out of control.
I love that I manage myself.
I love that the only one responsible for me, is me and I take full responsibility of me.
Listening to Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne.
Learn how to love and forget how to hate.
These are lyrics from this song.
I’ve been loving the world more than half my life. More than 30 years.
Songs such as this are why.
Church of rock n roll, I figured if people weren’t listening, I’d explain what a song meant to me.
Closer from NIN I turned it into love song showing how wonderful love can be. It’s on the site.
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
Seriously, I want to know.
The trick in life is to have fun, and it’s not fun, make it fun. Because no one likes work, except to work hard at hardly working because your having to much fun with your job.
The Church of Rock 'N' Roll 
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