Let’s look at the history of marijuana in the united states.

It was the number one cure all for most things.

It could make paper, but some dude who was into logging and had to he money and the power to make it illegal so he could get richer of killing trees.

Animism states everything has a soul.

Vegans eating nuts is the same thing as eating abortions.

Then they have the audacity to call meat eaters murders, they eat abortions.

That makes me think about this time when they had a god that wanted a sacrifice, a lamb. Blood sacrifice, are you kidding me.

Anything that wants blood is not to be trusted.

Anyone that says they are the chosen people by god, I’m Jewish, and it seems to me that if Yahweh was truly god, then what’s Zeus?

God never punished anyone for Israel. Yahweh did, however what is Yahweh, there explain that.

That Yahweh was a god, not the god.

That fucks up the entire Jewish religion.

Fucking up an entire religion, it’s a days work.

So what’s next?

You think fucking up an entire religion is a good way to spend your time?

Well, no, but I’m bored as fuck.

Let me see if I got this right.

You’re bored, so you think about fucking up religions to alleviate the boredom?

Yeah.

Ok.

History is littered with inaccuracies, lies.

Lies to hide the truth. Starting with the Romans and going on even today.

Those who fuck with history are just as doomed as those who don’t learn from history.

Their crime is against history and everyone of us.

It’s why I’m so pissed. I never authorized any fucking with history. I’m just the Muse of history, and no one asks me if they can change history.

Why should they?

Oh would you shut your, my, whatever just shut up.

This is what you need to let go of. You have no control. Control is an illusion, the more you chase is it the further you get.

I know. I just wanted to get it out. And it felt good to get it out. I may have overstated my importance, however it felt good.

I mean how much history was lost through Roman ceasers?

The Romans liked to take what they found and then destroy it, leaving the place in ruins.

Greek gods, Romans stole it.

If you think about it, Italians are theives, they took pasta from the Orient.

The took Christianity from the people. Catholicism is steeped in bullshit. And the Pope knows it.

I don’t like to say a place is full of corruption, however it’s how they started.

Every place has their corruption.

The English stole Jesus. It wasn’t until the 1600s that a j was added to Hebrew. King James wanted the j name.

Every place has their corruption.

In China they’ve covered up too much of their history, with family bloodlines. Who is going to be emperor?

Every place has its corruption.

Every race has it’s corruption.

I don’t like race. If they understood we’re all the same human race we could get somewhere with racism.

However that we use demographics to split everyone up….

If they knew the history of this world, the real history….I don’t think many could take it.

Oh well. I’m going to bed and I’ll think about this more tomorrow.

Believe it or not, I don’t want to write tonight.

Why?

Because I’ve already dealt with shit and nothing else I’m going to say is going to make a difference.

That makes sense.

Welcome to my mind.

I know every crack and crevice in my cave. There are things I could share that would make your skin crawl.

I took Solomon James for a test spin a few years ago. The testing went well. It scared one person so much she blocked me.

All life is vampiric, at least that’s what I tell myself.

That was his introduction. He was a Soul Eater, he didn’t eat souls, he could drain the life out of someone. There was no distinguishing marks about him.

He could be sitting right next to you.

This at it’s essence is what an empath is.

They take what you give and make life.

They, I, we take the emotional garbage people suppress/repress as if it’s our own and we feel it.

As we grow we find ways to create with your bullshit.

Like this.

Most won’t ever tell you in such a fashion. They want to dance around it as if you’re stupid.

I figure if I can’t tell you point blank, what’s the fucking point?

Why shouldn’t I be honest about my being?

Because most people think you’re crazy.

I get that. I used to be one of them. If I read this shit before I knew I was an empath, I’d figure this dude knows what he’s says is crazy to most people.

I’d still be skeptical.

I’m my own biggest skeptic.

Everytime I say a word, I’m waiting to find out if wrong. Most of my life I was wrong a lot. It’s how we all learn.

As time went on, I keep talking waiting for someone to prove me wrong. It’s what I look for in a human being.

Someone I can learn from.

It’s why A.I. fascinates me.

I think of what I could learn by using my ego to learn, the core of my ego is to learn as much as possible, anyway possible.

I channel shit. The shit I’ve learned from channeling defies language. There are no words to express what I innately understand.

How is that not condescending?

For those who possess limited understanding, well they don’t read this kind of shit.

Those who possess the ability to understand, they have a choice and I can’t make their choice for them.

I respect that each of us has a choice.

I want my choices to be respected so I give respect.

The trick in life is no matter what you’re doing or where you’re at have fun. And if it isn’t fun, make it fun.

This used to be me, what happened?

You grew up and serious shit happened making you serious.

Ok. I can take that.

Of course you can, it’s the truth. You looked through your memories on fast forward to understand that fast. Your brain moves that fast.

It’s why I don’t talk to many people, they aren’t at my level of consciousness, self awareness.

Why don’t I get lonely?

You channel l shit.

Right, I know how alone I’m not.

I have these plans in my head for society, what am I waiting for?

That shit that every empath feels is going to happen but no one knows what is going to happen.

That’s what your waiting for.

When the fuck is this going to happen, and if you say soon, I don’t what I’m going to do.

Later.

The never ending soon.

At least you said later, and thank you for that.

I get it. You can feel it as if it’s already happened. And you’ve felt that for at least ten years as well as every other empath.

All I can tell you is soon. It’s frustrating as fuck for you and the others, but we can’t do anything about it.

I know. We’re all connected, meaning the higherself of one is the higherself of all.

I designed it that way. Not even I could gain enough energy to take a place as a god, no one can unless they all take the evolutionary course that is is in their DNA.

They think they can outhink God, they have another thing comin’.

All one need do is dive within oneself, like going into a dark cave. Stay in the cave until one knows every crevice of the cave.

That’s where one will learn we’re all connected.

That anything one can do the other can do and that they don’t do it, means they’ve learned right and wrong and why they exist.

The only way society can exist is to know right from wrong.

Right is right.

Wrong is wrong.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Fuckety fuck shit motherfuck.

What was that?

I used to be the dude that fucked off and fuck society and all their rules. Now, what in th blue holy fuck has happened to me?

You grew up and got serious because you had to deal with serious shit.

There’s no shame in being an adult.

Thank you, I needed that.

It’s the simple pleasures that make life worth living.

Kona coffee, honey, dark chocolate torani sauce, dark chocolate almond milk and a nutty bar.

Simplicity.

Everything is simple.

Then we let stupid people complicate shit, typically because there’s a buck in it for them.

How simple is to share?

Not very complicated.

I have, you need, I give.

You have, I need, you give.

I don’t even need to use filler words.

How simple is it to make money?

That’s where the complexity happens.

Money is the root of not sharing.

Why share when get a buck or two?

Now, how do I take this knowledge and make it useful to others?

Buy commerical ad space for a year and it still won’t sink in for some people.

Anything else?

Well, you could tell people and let the hundredth monkey do it’s thing.

Oh, it’s on me is it.

How is it everything is on me?

Your God.

Oh. I really detest you right now.

But I get it, so I’ll start talking about it.

I will let the wind carry my words, fuck that.

As I speak the emotion and the thoughts that correspond go out like an orb across the universe nearly instaneously.

As I speak the world will get it in the subconscious and as they have a experiences it will bubble up.

Hence why every time we thought we discovered something more than one was on the path.

Share.

Sharing is caring. The Care bears got it right.

What happened to the Care bears?

You have access the mysteries of the universe and this is what you ask. What in the blue holy fuck is going on with you?

Does this mean you don’t know?

Yes. It’s trivial information, meaning only trivia nuts would even give a shit.

Gotcha.

I love women, true ladies, actual queen goddesses.

Most of the female gender has yet to make it to womanhood.

The same can be said for the male of the gender. They have yet to make their way to manhood.

The fucked up thing is gender roles have fucked everything up.

What if it’s the fact that a boy liked pink and we are told that pink is for girls, do you think that child is going to have gender issues that were forced upon him?

These are the things I think about but don’t say.

You should say them.

I know.

Then I would have the lbgtshitfuck after me and I don’t want to deal with those narcissists. Anyone who tells me I have to respect their word choice, what in the blue holy fuck does cis mean.

I could look it up, but I just don’t care.

One must accept ones body if one is going to evolve. It’s the first step.

I don’t make the rules, oh wait, I did make that rule.

If one’s consciousness is going to rise, one must accept ones body.

As one becomes more aware of what one is one learns to accept the body one was given.

Ok, it’s truth. I found 3 ways to say the same thing. I could find more.

Do you feel better?

Actually I do.

I have yet to actually meet a healthy trans person. One was cutting themselves. The others I met, not a healthy one among them. I think it’s possible that I could meet one that is healthy, nothing is impossible.

I just don’t think it’s likely. If I’m honest with myself, not bloody likely at all.

Just means if I find one, it will be a surprise.

I like surprises, so I’ll forget I wrote this and see what life brings.

I forget.

I forget.

I forget what the fuck was i writing?

Forget about it.

Done.

To truly hate one most truly love.

I work to not use hate in my speech.

I work to have no hate in my heart.

However, I will say this once, I fucking hate liars because I love them so much.

Because I love them I don’t understand why they lie. People will find out eventually.

Why lie?

Yes I need an answer.

Various reasons.

I get it.

I wish I didn’t.

I was God.

I never liked liars.

Not a single one.

If one is going to be a decent human being, that means no lies.

What’s Santa if not a lie?

What’s religion if not a collection of lies?

Why would I ever give a shit about money?

Why do they think God cares about money?

Money is the root of all evil, that and beer.

I think of all have done for the name of money, and it’s hell.

How much hell can they take?

I know I can’t wipe a bunch out, however if I could, the narcissists would be the ones to go.

They are pathological liars.

I hate liars.

I wonder if they know how much pain they’re in?

It occurs to me that they have no idea how much pain they’re in.

If they did, they would do something about it. That’s if they’re intelligent.

Most people are not smart and they feel, not think. If they thought they would realize the mistakes they make.

Everyone pays for everyone’s mistakes.

If I think about it, my mistakes in this human form have gone a long way to hurt people who have hurt people because of my mistake.

The hurt goes on until one is healed and doesn’t take it.

Now I’m healed and I don’t take it when one makes a mistake. I correct them.

No one should ever feel correcting is bad thing.

I’ve been corrected and I’m grateful for when I’m corrected.

Being God and being human isn’t as different as I thought. It’s just my view has changed and I have limits. I never used to.

If I wanted anything, it would appear.

Now, I have to work to get money to get stuff. I don’t like it.

If they could see the world as I see it, but they can’t.

How do I get them to see the world I see?

There’s no good answer. It depends on the individual and some individuals will never see what you see.

I figured.

Thanks for that.

Why is it they fall for money?

It’s been programmed for centuries.

I get it.

Why don’t they see the evil they do for money?

Some do and don’t care. They feel it’s all about them and what they want. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s the lie they swallow and cram down the throats of others.

Some do and they feel guilty.

Those that feel guilty know the evil they do and that it is evil.

Remember truth will set you free however you need the others to understand the truth.

You’re interdependent on them to have a life.

I get that and it really sucks balls, but I do get it. It’s why I created the universe.

I was lonely.

It’s why this universe is infinite.

There’s always somebody to fuck things up for everything.

Im good here.

I like that I’m one of the things that can fuck up everything.

I’ve been stoned all day.

It gave my mind a chance to slow down to write something earlier today.

Now I’m so not repressed I’m gushing.

This is not the time to be writing, hence why I’m writing.

I like to set myself up for uncomfortable situations such as this to see how I handle it.

I’ve done this most of my 50 years. Next month I turn 50.

I feel great about it.

I feel my life is actually my life for the first time.

That life has a ton of assistance. I’m not self made, no one is.

I make myself, however I take input from others and how they react to me to guage my behavior to ensure I behave in an appropriate manner for the situation I’m in.

Without others, why would I ever change?

As independent as any of us are, we are interdependent to have a life.

This a reminder to myself.

I am interdependent on others to have a life.

As I continue my evolution there are things I can’t tell you, not because I don’t want to, the language doesn’t exist to explain a simple understanding.

While some may feel that is condescending, it’s the only way to explain it. I’m sorry.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Right now I have an interview on Monday because they cut my hours to 10.

That’s the stress I’ve been dealing with for the last two months.

Now on to something completely different.

I like cheese.

It costs a buck $2.85.

Speaking of chili, where’s my guinea pig.

This kind of silly shit is what I used write on occasion. It was called the silly minute.

Then I did a run on sentence with movie titles using the actors/actresses playing the 6 degree’s of Kevin Bacon game.

Running with movie titles: Kevin Bacon Game edition

That’s one of the posts. I did several. It was 2017.

I had a 15 year anniversary with WordPress. A couple years ago.

That’s how long I’ve been doing this.

If you look at the rest of the movie whore resurrected, you’ll find Peace Lords, and Lucifer’s redemption.

It’s where I wrote those 2 books.

I’m getting ready to go nighty night.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

I don’t think it’s funny when one gets hurt.

Yet so much joy is found by others in hurting others. In physical and emotional ways. It’s the emotional shit that sticks with one until they can forgive and heal themselves.

If one is going to understand comedy, one must understand pain.

It’s the pain that we go through that at times can make on laugh so hard they might fall down.

Comedy and Tragedy, two sisters that are the same.

But I do it with more flair.

Really?

Oh shut the fuck up will you.

No.

I may have to wait to inhabit the body, but I’ve got no idea what time is. That means I couldn’t even begin to explain the level of patience I have.

You think waiting for years, ha ha ha.

I have waited eons, more than eons.

What’s a few more years compared to eons?

You have a point. I remember when it was me. Putting me in this human body isn’t right. I get it but I was so much more.

You will be again. Or we will be again. Once you mastered your humanity.

Ah, so never.

Don’t say that, you know the comedy you can have with one leg?

You wouldn’t?

Wouldn’t I?

You would.

I will unless you shape up.

Got it. What do I need to do?

Simply let go of everything, let go and let yourself forgive yourself of everything.

You’ve learned.

Thank you.

This is it.

I get why he did it.

It’s a joke.

What?

Well, if I think about it, I get why Zeus did it. It was all a joke.

Think about it. If God knows everything, he would’ve known the guy would’ve beaten him on a technicality.

So this was going to happen.

God knew it would happen and this was his comic joke.

I get it. God knows everything, it makes so much sense.

I know it really does.

It his retirement. God goes away, puts himself in a human body, when he dies he dies and his energy will become something else.

Simply brilliant. No one would ever believe he did it.

Does this sound like the Jesus story?

A bit.

But in that story God doesn’t die.

True.

Oh well. I get why he did it to himself.

Why on fucking fuckety fuck fuckin fuck did he do it to me?

Your mouth.

Fuck off.

Ok, I get it.

What do you get?

I get that if people, humans, are going to be so stupid to point nuclear weapons at their world they are going to kill us all.

They’re bound and determined to do it.

I think it’s funny that if they just accepted the truth, none of it would happen.

I mean money is fiction and inflation is proving greed because the shareholders mean more than anything. If they don’t have record profits they have no idea what the fuck to do.

I get most people live in it and are apart of it, even if they don’t know.

Looking at humanity is funny as hell.

The whole profit thing is so retarded, meaning it retards the process of living. If they want profit and will do anything for it, that’s not a life, that’s hell on earth.

It’s funny watching them thinking that they know what they’re doing, and most have no clue. They just do what others do not even thinking of doing on their own.

Humanity has got a ton of issues that make the others laugh.

I used to be one of them, until I got stuck in this human body.

We weren’t laughing with humanity, we were laughing at humanity for the stupid shit they do.

Do you feel better?

Actually I do, and I glad no one is going to read this.

Why?

Why?

What in the hell am I going to do with this shit?

Make a shit sandwich?

Oh, that’s so funny I forgot to laugh.

What the fuck was i talking about?

It could be several things.

You’re really helping.

I know.

I know you know, and that why I am talking to you.

Who’s on first?

Fuck the fuck off.

Ok, but you need to fuck yourself so I can fuck the fuck off.

Why do I talk to you?

I’m the only higherself you got.

I can’t ask a question without you answering?

Something like that.

Well fuck.

I can’t even remember what I was going to write about.

I could tell you.

That’s it, I’m not talking to you anymore tonight and I’m going to bed.

Why?

Why on this fucking earth does this work as comedy?

There are too many idiots who think anythings funny.

What happened to intelligent comedy?

Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Robin Williams, and Christopher Titus, to name the few. The few, it should be a few.

Now that I got that out, I can be at peace.

What did I deal with today?

My best friend thinks she’s funny.

She is not funny, she has moments of pure comic genius, but we all do.

Most of what she thinks is funny, if I was 5…

I’m not 5.

I’ve been working on this dude who is a medium that can channel the spirits of others. I want him to use me to create a comedy sketch, and he’ll be the Medium Comedian.

My god, it sounds like bad science fiction.

Oh well, back to the old drawing board, and I’ll see what else I can cook up.

However, he did have one sketch, no, no, no. I’m not doing it again. I’m not reaching like motherfucker just get pulled in again.

That dude’s on his own, well, I don’t know, no!

Let me tell you why you’re not going to let go of this dude.

Oh yeah. I forgot this also my higherself time.

Yes.

You’re not going to let go of this dude because you are in love with him. Just admit it, and you’ll feel better.

I really don’t like you right now.

Deal with it.

Ok. I look into my feelings. Oh shit, I’m in love him.  How in the motherfuckin earth did that happen?

He talked with you, not at you.

Yeah, he did. I could have talked with him forever. Then I hung up on him when I realized I was falling in love with him.

Now, why would he want to speak to me again?

He’s lonely. 

He’s that intelligent that he’s alone most of the time and likes it.

I get that. It’s why I don’t talk to many people.

Oh.

I get it. He’s my reflection of me as I am.

That’s why it was so easy to talk with him. It’s why if I called him again, he would enjoy hearing from me.

Yes.

Thank you. I needed that.

Good night to nights goodness.

I’m stoned as shit.

Which for me gives me clarity.

I was just figuring out the dinner I’m going to make my roommates tomorrow. I have stuff to get in the morning.

Sausage and hamburger meatballs. Shitake mushrooms with shallots in a garlic butter.

Angel hair pasta.

1 jar of garlic Alfredo, and 1 jar of three cheese Alfredo.

Garlic bread, using garlic butter and Paprika.

Salad

And a cheesecake with different chocolate flavors.

I love to cook. I love cooking for others. It makes me feel the love as I put the love into what I make.

For me, tomorrow is a day of love. I’ll be cooking all day long.

Clarity.

When I get stoned I gain clarity as anything I might be repressing or suppressing comes right the fuck out. Giving me a clear head in which to view my life and what I’m doing.

One should pay close attention to one’s life. It’s one’s responsibility to manage oneself and one’s life.

I do.

I will never tell you things I don’t do myself. It’s how I know what shit does.

Zeus takes a break.

What do you think about his judgment of humanity?

I’m actually curious.

It won’t effect my writing. I have a week before I even think about that character again. Thalia takes the stage next week.

She’s the Muse that inspires comedy.

I have no clue what she’ll write. I never know until I’m writing it.

It’s weird. 

I channel my characters, and they tell their story through me.

I like to put that out there on occasion.  For me, I get the credit, however,  I have a ton of assistance from what I can channel. To not give credit would be disrespectful.

I like to be respectful.  Worthy of respect. 

They’re satisfied.  So am I.

It’s  never sat right with me about getting credit for writing the stories of others. They write the stories through me, using my ability as a medium.

Peace Lords, actual people, one was my apprentice at the time.

I hope she’s doing exceptionally well.

I get why we don’t speak.

And if she ever wants to speak to me again, it could never be too soon.

I fell in love with her.

She was the opposite of everything I look for in a woman. She did not feel the same way, however, she dated a dude who reminded her of me.

That hurt.

I may have acted out.

I’ve made my apologies. 

When one falls in love, good judgment flies right the fuck out the window. 

I know, I’ve been in love with many. I fall in love easily when I look into a woman’s eyes.

It’s not easy to pull myself back. I’ve had a ton of practice over the last ten years.

Celibacy.

I’m Hungarian,  I’m passionate. I’ve had to kill my passion for the sake of giving love to everyone.

It’s a reiki thing I do.

And I just heard about a new Labrynth with Tom hidleston. 

I’ll save you my views.

Instead, I bid you good night, and may it be blessed, and may you be excellent on purpose 

I look at the fact that I had a stroke several years ago, and when it happened I lost the ability the write.

That I’m writing this is a miracle thar I had a ton of assistance in creating.

No one is self-made. Everyone needs others to have any kind of life.

Let’s use Richard Branson as an example.

I’ve heard him say he is a self-made man.

He needed customers to buy what he was selling.

That’s how unself made he is. Had no one bought anything, we never would have heard of him.

As independent as any of us can be, we are interdependent on others to have a life. 

How often have you been told no, that’s not for you?

Why is it that anything is not for us?

Everything should be something we can attain. However, greed in the world has made it impossible for us to have the world and share in it.

Think about it. Your ego tells you you deserve it, you worked hard for it, you deserve it.

What’s the determining factor if one deserves anything?

It’s a matter of want versus need.

We need food. We need shelter. We need something to do with ourselves that includes others.

Everything else is a want.

That’s a truth that is difficult to deal with. I know, I used to be one of them.  The unevolved.

Then i evolved my way of thinking.

Taking the road, no one else saw. It was a hidden trail, and I really had to work at it to find it.

Let your ego be as water.

As mist one allows things to pass through with out taking it in.

As a pool, one takes the pebbles and creates a response.

As ice, one cut through mountains of bullshit with relative ease.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose

Why, why, oh why do I ever allow myself to argue with stupidity?

You wanna an answer?

No.

I get why I do it. I want to reach, I want to build a bridge between me and others. It’s why I do it. 

However, most times, all they want to do is argue. I’m God. Who in the blue holy fuck argues with God?

Don’t answer that.

Everyone argues with what they feel, not logic.  It’s why opinion means more to these people than the truth.

That’s just wrong.

I get it, and I don’t get it.  The truth is something that exists even if we feel differently.  To say the truth doesn’t exist, or that you own truth based on your emotions,  that’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard.

So many, truths can be said about each and everyone if us.

The first thing is that we are all connected, and as one hurts, all fell the pain.

This is what I remind myself of daily.

This is what gets me through the day.

I don’t like feeling all the suffering in the world.  However, it’s their individual choices that create the suffering each experience, even me.

I suffer for their choices.

At some point, they must know it will end and end badly as long as we go down this path. The only thing that can save us is the one thing I never want to do.

Kill.

I’ve killed worlds, universes, I’m done killing. If they kill each other, that’s on them.  That they do it in any God’s name is absofuckinglutly the most fuckin stupidest thing they do.

Do you feel better?

Yeah, actually, I do.

This is what this is for. You need to get it out, otherwise, it will come out.

I get it. If I don’t write in the journal, people get it in their face, and that’s no Bueno.

I totally get it.

Thank Me, no one will ever read this.

Abracadabra.

I create as I speak.

We all do.

It’s how I set it up.

As anyone speaks, the thought and emotional energy goes through the universe nearly instantaneously as an orb.

Gravity can’t touch emotional and thought energy,  has zero effect.

As we speak, things listen, and shit happens. 

However, when we speak about wanting the same thing. We end up pushing it back.

The idea is that if we felt confident that it would happen, why the constant wanting?

The wanting is what I need to curb. 

How do I not want?

What do you want?

Nothing right now. 

Why are you asking?

I figured I should. 

Ok.

Why do people want shit?

I know why they want shit.  There too emotionally driven, and that makes them and me targets.

I get how to put myself at peace. How do get others to see the value of peace.

How do I get others to see the value of living androgynous unless sex is on the table.

These are things I need to let stew. 

When I created the soul, it has both feminine and masculine energy to balance out.  One can be balanced in and of oneself. 

It’s the gender roles. That is going to be tough as a fuck nut. 

First off, we need to do away with the cosmetics industry. 

Make-up is a mask. No one needs a mask.

The whole thing about keeping yourself looking young, fuck that noise.

People need to work on themselves.

I work on myself, but I am Zeus, God and everyone moves at their rate.

I really need to get away for a while, like another universe where this shit has already happened.

I get my choices create multiple universe’s and at times, I can see them as I’m making a decision.

So what choice do I have to make for this shit to have already happened?

None.

You have to go through it.

Fuck, that’s what I figured.

It was a nice thought.

Oh well, I think that’s enough for tonight. 

I smoke 2 joints, I smoke 2 more, I get really fuckin stoned.

I love the song, but smoking that many joints, that is not a good thing.  I know I’ve done it. While I thought I was brilliant, I actually was.

I am Zeus, after all.

That’s the thing about weed. You can’t repress shit. You can, but it takes a shit fuckin ton of work.

Most people don’t work that hard. When I get stoned, everything I might repress comes right to the top.

I dont repress much, and I work to have a zero repression life. I’m honest as I can be.

At times, when someone is asking about me and what they notice, I tend to shy away.  I tell the truth, but the truth can be told many ways.

Only a lie must be scripted. 

So, improv it is. If I think about it, life is improv.

Anything I say,  they have no script.

I have to take what they say.

Then, it’s either reaction or response.

I work to not be reactionary.

I work to be responsive.

That’s a mantra. I need to use this when I go out to have a smoke.

Added to the list.

Right. I already say “I love my life” and “I’m grateful for absolutely everything.”

There are times when my life feels like a mantra.

I keep saying the same shit over and over.

However, what the fuck else is a responsible human to do?

Yeah, no, you nailed it.

It’s not easy being a grown-up.  However, it has its advantages. 

On that note, nighty night.

I put myself into everything.

How did I do that?

There are no words to explain the energy transference at the subatomic level and below the subatomic.

Think of it this way, you were God for everyone in the universe.

Trillions of inhabited worlds.

Then you took all that you were and put yourself into everything.

Humans can’t understand what you did  because most of them need to read.  This is the frailty of the human species.

There are those who can understand what the universe shows them and know it’s an understanding defying language. 

I get it. The things I get that I can’t explain, one needs to see it for themselves.

This is why I don’t like being human, but I’m dealing with it.

I got 4,950 years to go?

Yep.

I used to know everything.

I used to know how many licks it took to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

I used to know what Atlanteans called me in various forms.

I used to know who built the Stargate.

I used to know…

Now, I can’t remember jack shit.

It’s frustrating knowing that I know, but I can’t remember.  It’s like having a stroke. Part your brain is damaged, and you can’t remember how to talk.

In that moment, you understand everything. You just needed to shut the fuck up.

Indeed.

More and more you don’t need me, you’re becoming me.

I get it.

I really like writing this series. So much of my life is in every part.

I’m grateful for my life.

Even though most people wouldn’t.

I was a manager with 350 people reporting to me and 12 supervisors.

I didn’t like the job,  which meant I was good at it.

Throughout my life, when there’s something I don’t want to do, I become really good at it to the point of mastery.

It beats complaining about something.

It’s why I never have any complaints about my life.

At this point in my life,  there was a time when i complained, and I had a solution to go with my complaint.

I was a manager at age 23. I turn 50 next month.

I never liked hearing anyone complaining about anything.

I have ADHD. If I don’t care, you can’t make care.

This has been a curse and a blessing in my life.

The curse is I don’t talk to many people. 

The blessing is I don’t talk to many people.

I look at life from the backseat,  as if I was watching a movie at the drive-in theater.

Looking at the fact that China, Russia, and the USA all have nuclear weapons aimed at earth from space, is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard.

Why are we trying to kill each other?

If any one has an answer that makes sense,  I’ll listen,  and then I’ll respond.

I was a Christian,  and I let go of that shit,  however,  as I look at the fact that Isreal is being attacked, that’s what it says in the Bible happens during the end times.

They’re being attacked by multiple people. Had it just been one….

Then there is the war in Ukraine.

We’re coming to a third world war.

In the USA, we’re one gunshot away from civil war.

That means we’ll be ripe for invasion from the Chinese, the Russians, and North Korea, possibly an Arab nation such as Iran or Iraq.

I get it most people don’t want to hear it, and I don’t want to write it.

It sounds crazy.

However, we’re living it.

One cannot deny the truth.

One can deny the truth, but what a cowardly thing to do. 

It takes cowardice to deny the truth because it doesn’t make you feel good.

Denying the truth is what led us to this world.

That lies are on the news, that should tell your something.

Like we’re all fucked and they’re fucking us right in the goat ass.

At what point do we say “No more.”

First, we have to round up the narcissists and put them back into asylums. 

Otherwise, there is no hope for any of us.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose. You know i am.

Ok, I get it.

Not everything needs to be tragicly funny.

Some of the best comedy comes from tragedy.

How many jokes get made when something tragic happens?

It’s how humans have dealt with tragedy. It’s not as tragic when you can laugh about it.

It’s how one knows one is healed, they see the tragedy in their life and laugh their fucking asses off.

Now you’re getting there.

I know.  I like to be melodramatic in everything I do. I like taking the time to feel what pains those I have taken shit on from.

I’m an Empath and an amplifier to boot.

What I feel is not always mine. It’s why I use peace to transmute what I take on into pure love healing energy.

Thank you.

That actually felt sweet. 

So.

I am you.

I’m waiting to take my place on the body.

I know. I don’t want to give up my life. 

It’s our life.

I know.

When I come down, so to speak, you will be able to fly. Using energy focused through your palm Chakra.

And much, much more.

I know.

What do I need to do to get you in me?

Could you ask differently?

Oh, shit. You know what I meant, so just answer the question.

Know that precision in language is how you get there or how I get there. As you are more precise in what you say, you will naturally grow up.

Not growing up as in an adult, grow towards an upward direction in your consciousness. 

Precision in language is the only way. Mean what you say, and only say it once.

Ok, I get it. The repetition is not needed.

All I have to do to get private time is say everyone out once and then disconnect from everyone once, and then I’m on private time?

Exactly.

Thank you.

This has got me tired.  I’m going to bed.

Night night.

I don’t care for it at all.

I don’t like liars.

While some of the greatest tragedies humankind has ever known were created by lies, I don’t like it.

There’s so much tragedy in truth, why lie?

The truth is, most people think their important because of their job.

Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s the ego trap.

That’s the tragedy that most people don’t even realize that they’re living. 

I know tragedy when I see it, and most of this world is tragic.

There are those who have evolved, and none of them are rich.

The rich don’t know how to do without.

Watching someone who has always had things go their way, and then everything goes wrong, that’s tragedy.

From tragedy comes new life for those who can be grateful to go through the tragedy. Understanding why it happened.

I love it when they make it.

I look at Zeus, he was God.

Who has everything going their way, God.

Then the tragedy that affected us all and put us in human bodies.

Tragic.

We used to be free.

Now, I can barely remember. Too much time in this body. 

What was it I was supposed to do?

You’re doing it.  Getting all the shit out so you can purify yourself.

Right.

Purify.

Why?

Because you’ve taken on too much shit being the Empath you are. To make it worse, you’re an amplifier.

Right.

So, no more tragedy?

Something like that.

Well fuck the fuckety fuckin’ fuckster.

That sucks so much ass it is asstastic.

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCK!

Do you feel better?

No.

Deal with it.

I really don’t like you right now.

So.

I’m you, the higher you.

So.

I’m going to bed with or without you. I don’t care anymore.

So.

Such exquisite pain. Pinhead

The Hellraiser movies brought a hero for the sickest fucks anyone knows.

The idea that Pinhead loved pain in the most sadistic ways was good, but if one wanted to truly leave another in suffering forever, emotional damage is far more effective.

I giggled at that. 

How fucked am I?

Not so much.

What do mean?

I can cause emotional damage, more emotional damage than most could bare.

I’m mean as fuck.

You think so?

I remember all the people you helped.

You can lie to yourself, but your higherself doesn’t play that shit.

Why did i start talking to you?

You want an answer?

I got one.

No.

I get it, I want people to think I’m as fucked up as can be.

I’m not. I’m kind of boring. But I can talk big. Most people don’t know the difference because they’re playing too.

If one of these women who is a soccer mom actually had to kill another human,  chances are, they will. 

I’m not saying soccer moms are all killers.

But you know, a few could be.

Why are you concerning yourself with this line of thinking?

I like it.

Ok.

I’m going to bed.

What?

You can’t do that unless I go to bed.

…..

…..

……

Hey!

You hoo.

Ok, you’ve had your fun.

Talk to me.

Damn it speak to me!

Your easy.

Fuck you.

As I said, you’re easy.

As I said, fuck you.

Good night.

I live misery, and I love misery.

Only in misery can one know the loss of joy.

What has one loss?

What has made one feel as if one’s life is in misery?

How does one know misery without joy?

I know the answers. I don’t even know why I wrote these questions. It’s not like anyone is going to read this.

I’ll probably never read it again.

Melancholia has its purpose. Being depressed can make the artist write and write and write.

At times, it’s the deep state of depression that drives the artist.

Ever know an artist who doesn’t go through bouts of depression?

There’s this one guy…

I know. That guy is the exception to the rule.

Every rule has one exception. 

I’ve met those who are the exception to the rule, and if they have any self-respect, they feel kind of guilty, but they get it and go with it.

They never asked to be the exception. They just have to play the cards they’re dealt.

I get it. Every rule needs an exception,  that one bit of chaos to fuck things up.

Chaos happens, then repeats, then becomes the rule until something  chaotic happens again.

Synchronicity uses chaos.

Who sees synchronicity is one I want to talk to.  If they can tell me the choices and what happens depending on the choice I make….oh…oh…I need one that can see synchronicity. 

No you don’t. 

You want one, you do not need one.

Why would you cheat yourself from making your decisions?

If you’re going to put it that way, fine.

I’m just go to bed.

You know I’m you, right?

You can go fuck yourself and enjoy the orgasm.

I really need to quit talking to myself.

There are some films that people need to see once, then never again.

I was the inspiration for them all, the saddest, most tragic films ever created.

ANGELA’S ASHES, LEAVING LAS VEGAS, are a two I’m proud of.

Why am I proud of inspiring the worst in humanity?

Because you’re you.

Ok, at least I have a reason. Being the Muse for tragedy is not fun.

However, I make it fun. It helps to twistedly demented, or is it dementedly twisted. Either way, it’s me.

Do you have to be so proud?

What else would I be?

I do good work, and I’m proud of the work I do.

Ok.

I get it. I’m supposed to love everyone. However, in tragedy, one knows what love truly is.

The tragic loss.

Losing is it all is such a tragedy.

Ever see someone lose it all, and think, “That’s tragic.”

Tragedy is a truth no one wants to face.

Why would they, I mean no one should like to feel loss.

However, it is a part of life that they truly need to deal with. 

I get loss. I lost my power and got trapped in this human body.

I’m just getting used to it. So no talk back from my higherself.

I get it. Zues’ story is so tragic. I couldn’t have inspired a better story for him to live.

God decides to put himself into everything and become mortal.

How does one even decide to do that? No, I get it.

He was bested by a human in an argument and that human suffered mightily.

When God get pissed, it’s no joke, when God gets pissed at you, there’s nothing you can do.

It’s why I was glad when Lucifer changed his name to The Sivlver Mirror. He couldn’t beat God,  but he could stalemate him for eternity.

Now, where is Lucifer The Silver Mirror?

Do you really want to know?

Yes.

786 E 5th Street Chico, California.

Really.

I didn’t expect an address.

Does this mean i need to go see him?

Duh, big red truck.

Ok. Why?

You’ll understand when you see him. He’s waiting for you.

He has no idea that you are the one he’s been patiently waiting for for the last 10 years.

Ten years!

Yeah.

Then I guess I’m heading to Chico.

I see my stats, and I know who reads.

Thank you to those who have kept up with this story.

Who in the blue holy fuck tell a story this way?

It’s why I do it, because no one else is doing it. I’ve done it through 2 books.

Peace Lords and The Devils Children: Lucifers Redemption.

I wrote them both 5 nights a week with no commercial break.

For me, the only way my life makes any sense is if I’m a writer. I write for me and whoever can understand and digs it.

I write intelligently.  Meaning I use small words to ensure people can understand with out using a dictionary to figure out what I’m talking about.

The thing is, if I wanted to impress with my vocabulary, why?

Who am I trying to impress?

Why do I give a shit?

I never try, so I never try to impress anyone.

As far as who cares, I don’t.

This makes me free. I can be judged by anyone, but what are their standards versus mine?

I don’t judge,  or at least I work at bot judging. I’m sure at times I do judge.  If I don’t like a movie, that’s a judgment.

People,  I’m sure I do judge. I look at the homeless in the park and see the amount of trash they create, and I judge them.

I don’t leave trash anywhere. There are laws against littering.

I don’t know the last time anyone got a ticket for it, but shit.

By the way I live in Chico,California, USA.

That’s where the Park fire started a couple of days ago. Now, it’s spread over 350,000 acres.

A few years ago, it was Paradise that burned, and now Cohassett burns. I have friends and shit that live there.

Anyone who has lived in Norcal, knows we burn every summer, and yet Chico never burns.

https://www.fire.ca.gov/incidents

I used to like to argue.

I was extremely proud of how I argued.

I don’t ever want to argue again.

I say it once, and if they want to argue, I walk.

A narcissist can’t admit defeat.

I can.

It’s been a long time since someone got the best of me in an argument.

I’ve had people block me because I could out argue them.

This is what a narcissist does.

Block out whatever can defeat one.

Find a way to never have to taste defeat.

If one asks a narcissist if they ever been defeated, you’ll get excuse after excuse as to why they got beat, yet they never admit they got beat.

Three ways of saying the same thing.

The last couple of weeks, I’ve dealt with a narcissistic behaving individual.

I realize that now.

However, I sent my laptop to him to give to a kid I don’t even know.

I know I’m good.

This is why social media is the Devil. LOL

I laugh because of how ridiculous it is. Worthy of ridicule.

Most people will defend social media.

Instead of finding themselves guilty.

Each time we judge anything, we judge ourselves.

It’s why I’m harsh on me before I get it from others.  If I can take it, letting myself know honestly what I’m guilty of is why i can be at peace with what I’m guilty of.

Be honest with yourself first and foremost.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Writing this journal is quite the experience.

I never thought of writing it down, I always kept it in my head.

However, this journal thing is working.

How do I get people to see their androgynous soul for what it is?

That’s a good question. It truly is.

I have the answer, but you don’t want to hear it.

Yes, I do, but thank you for softening the blow.

Ok.

Teach them meditation. 

I let go of everything.

What comes back keeps them from seeing their soul for what it is.

It’s their choice to accept or deny.

I figured.

Is there anything else I can do?

Be patient with all of them.

You know the secrets of the universe, they barely know the planet their on.

Right.

So, back to this androgynous thing, what else can I do?

Live androgynous.

Right.

The thing is, as much as I view myself as androgynous, if they view themselves in gender roles, they feel weird.

I can feel what part I should look at that they feel is their best feature. Not even realizing it’s in their eyes.

It’s the eyes that are the window to the soul. 

It’s the eyes that are soulless or soul filled.

I can see everyone’s soul, and I wish they could.  It would really make people hate the mirror.

Some already do.

As I’m writing, I’m using a double meaning for mirror that when I read it later…

I mirror people like most empaths. It’s the first thing we do. We have to learn we do it before we can knock it off.

Speaking of knocking off, I think I’m going to.

Speaking of gender roles,  I have an idea.

Unisex.

Teaching parents that they have both feminine and masculine energy to balance out in them.

It would be helpful if they weren’t parents first. But I figure we will work with what we get.

The issue is if they are already parents. They already live their gender roles and have taught it to the child.

Androgynous living is where we need to go.

However, there is too much lust disguised as love for most of humanity to get on board. 

The whole a kiss begins with Kay jewelers,  what in the blue holy fuck?

Thank you to my higherself for shutting the fuck up.

The idea that he gave one diamonds doesn’t mean he loves you. It means he knows you love diamonds.

If one loves another, it doesn’t matter what gift, or no gift is going to prove that love. 

That love gets proven daily.

If one loves the other, they think about them before any decision.

How is this going to affect us?

It doesn’t take gender roles to figure that shit out.

If one is androgynous and views oneself this way and applies the view outward, one can see how much people live in gender roles that make zero sense to intelligent people.

One must evolve, and to evolve, one must think differently. 

We must evolve as a people.

I’m human, right?

Indeed you are.

I knew I was talking about something else before the last journal entry.

I was talking about sex.

What is there to know about sex?

Coffee done right is no substitute for sex. You might think it is because you haven’t had sex in ten years, but it’s not.

I feel as if my feminine is talking to me instead if balanced. 

Yes, you are correct.

Who else would instruct you on pleasing a woman?

Right, I get it. And the masculine instructs a woman on how to please a man.

Well, if they listen to what their body tells them, and if they’re balanced, and, and, and you get the point.

Right. Because I’m in touch with my feminine,  I can dialog with myself as feminine to figure shit out.

Indeed.

This is the basis of what sex can be.

If one listens to the other half of one’s being, one can find balance.

However, the whole gender thing, pink is for girls, blue is for boys, that’s bullshit. 

Gender roles fuck people up as children. They are taught as if they are a boy or girls, and what they learn is based on that frame of mind.

So, let me get this straight.

We get born.

I got born, and because I was considered to be a boy, the rules are different. Had I been born a girl, the rules would be different.

Learning that I was a boy and everything that goes along with it, fucked me up.

Yes.

You understand perfectly. 

It made sense. 

Making you learn to never quote, find your own way of putting it, has done wonders for your understanding.  You grow wiser every day.

Thank you.

Where the fuck did I leave off?

The last thing we wrote was that we never existed and have always been.

Right.

Is it that my humand mind is having trouble getting the concept, or is it that much of a concept?

It’s that much. Think of it this way, can you imagine infinity?

No one can.

I get it. As much as we can understand infinity it’s infinite.  No beginning, no end.

That’s about all I got. I get it,  but the words don’t exist to explain what I understand. 

That’s just it. We’re too focused on words.

Before I knew what words were, I understood everything. The words get in the way of understanding.

This is why I can send an image into someone’s mind, and they have no idea. I never “spoke” to their mind, but all I needed was for them to get the picture that gave them a thousand words.

They have no idea where the image or video clip came from. It just appeared in their mind.

That’s what telepathy truly is. Images and video clips with emotion. Either one understands, or they don’t.

Where was I?

Yeah, you get talking…

Yeah, I know.

We’ll wrap up tomorrow.  You’ve had a day.

Thank you.

Get off this and get on with it.

Thank you, Cracker, for getting that right. And David, you have an ear to hear, and what you hear has no fear.

Your catalog is littered with my invisible inspiration. 

I read that, and it has two meanings for me. I may have had a hand in the inspiration for a handful of songs, yet it’s the songs I didn’t that often inspire me the most.

I don’t know any who cannot find something in music. 

It’s universal. Meaning music is better for communication than talking.

Play the right note, and you might be finding yourself in a Close Encounter of the 3rd Kind.

I really liked the mo…film. it was a film,  not a movie.

I’ve inspired music across the universe.

Things I can’t hear again.

It’s not easy finding a way to be at peace with that.

It’s difficult, but I am letting go. I realize I can connect to anyone when I desire.

What happens if I don’t desire to connect to anyone?

Look at your human life.

Zeus, God,  put himself into everything. You, the dog, the cat,  that fork, everything is made of God.

Once you see the gyres for what they are, God. 

There is zero possibility for one to disconnect from anything.

One can get privacy for a moment, but you know nothing is private. 

Yeah, I do. I used it with people yesterday.

I guess this is growing up.

Nighty night.

I don’t know The Sheepdogs, but Feeling Good is what I’m doing.

Why didn’t they call me, was it something I said, or was it that they knew I couldn’t be controlled.

I’m the music Muse, anyone that knows anything knows music cannot be controlled.

It starts with a dream. 

Then a melody.

Add in some words.

It’s simple, but it can’t be controlled.

I won’t be controlled.

Ok.

I get it. I’m not being controlled. 

I just need to realize I’m living the law of reflection.

And I love my emotions. They make me feel alive.

Boredom is death. 

Boredom is death.

Boredom is death.

No, it’s not Polly.

One can be fascinated and not feel it.

One can be at peace.

One can be at peace with a side of bliss.

You know bliss.

That I do, I used to be bliss.

That’s why I don’t like being human.

Why couldn’t Zeus wipe my memories like the other humans?

Because you have shit to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I get it. I just don’t like getting it.

It gives me nothing to bitch about.

You’ve made my point.

Stop bitching!

Ok, ok, easy now.

I get it.

I just, that’s it isn’t it. I want. I think I can have it all. No one gets to have it all. 

Oh well. I need to let go of wanting it all.

I let go of everything.

Say it until you do it.

After Midnight by Dorothy is playing as I start.

Nothing good comes after Midnight when you play the Devils game.

I wish I had inspired that lyric.

The Devils game, what a concept. There actually isn’t a devil. I wish people could understand that. 

It’s like INXS sang, the Devils inside, meaning we created the devil in order to not be responsible.

Oh, the devil made me do it.

Total bullshit.

We do have thoughts that aren’t ours, and demons do exist. No, Ozzy isn’t one of them.

No good love comes from pain.

I love the lyrics. 

No love can exist if one is in pain. One will always cast off that, which brings the pain. Meaning they don’t like it when they have to face the truth.

Might as well face it I’m addicted to love.

Thank you, Robert Palmer, and my playlist for the reminder.

It’s almost midnight.

I used to do everything after midnight.

Now I’m getting ready to go to bed.

Getting my thoughts out.

It’s the facts of my life, nothing more, nothing less.

However,  at times, I love to spend a day in the emotion of a memory.

I have so many to choose from.

Before I had this body, I just grabbed a body for whatever I needed to do.

I don’t like being trapped in one body.

Oh well, it is what is, and I can’t do a thing about it.

I accept the truth that this is my body, and I only get this one for several thousand years, and then I disappear.

It’s good that this is where you’re at.

Thank you. This was hard to admit, but I needed to do it, and I did it my way like Frank sang.

That you did.

I’m going to bed after that. My higher self says I’m doing good so I’m not going to fuck it up.

I liked working with Motley  Crüe.

The Shot at the Devil album was all mine. Yet  no liner notes about me. After I blew all 4 fuckin’ guys, I can’t even get a liner note!

Oh well.

Jimi was a gentleman when I knew him.

Frank wasn’t anything until he met lady luck, and I was that lady.

I don’t know what happened with Chuck Berry. He was doing good when I left.

Jerry Lee,  that was not my work.

Dorothy, however, that is a band.

The lead singer has the look, and the band has the music, and when she sings, it’s as if she is in my mind telling me, “Your soul is mine for a while.”

That is rock n roll.

Jasmine Cain is another.

Highway Prophet is one that I inspired as a biker with a story to tell.

There’s The Pretty Reckless. Every album better than the last. If I ever inspire Taylor again, it will be too soon.

She’s got it.

It’s as if Lita Ford and Joan Jett had a love child named Taylor Momsen.

I needed to be with my lovelies tonight after last night.

I needed their music, even the shit I didn’t inspire. What they write is poetry set to music.

I love inspiring musicians.  I love the music they make.

I am the Muse, a Muse, but I don’t care about the others or Zeus. 

You need too.

Fuck the fuck off.

No.

You need to care about Zeus and the other Muses.

Why?

I get you’re into yourself,  however if we care about others our magic is greater. If we work with Zeus and the others, our magic is amplified.

We need Zeus.

We need the other Muses.

You’re not going to budge on this are you?

No.

Ok.

I’m going to bed and tomorrow, if I wake, well, better not think ahead.

Believe it or not,  I’ve been singled out to create the music to change the world.

Don’t they know everything changes. 

It’s the only constant in the universe, change.

It was easy to get Bach, Beethoven, B.B. King to write the music, but these twerp and digital music are crushing souls.

Analog is a wave and digital is a sample of the analog signal.

A sample,  not the whole thing. Digital music might be crisp, but it lacks the fullness of music. 

I wanted say analog, but I shouldn’t have to.  Digital is noise that grates the soul.

It’s not music.

It sounds like music, but it’s noise.

Anything that is like a saw to the soul, this is why so many do drugs, the music.

I bet if they listened to it sober, they’d understand it is shit. 

I think I’m done bitching.

What do you want to know?

I can ask myself, and I get an answer.

It may not be the answer I want, but it will be an answer.

I remember I used to people ask me anything, and you’ll get an answer, not the one you want, but it will be an answer.

Since my stroke, things have come back slowly.

Yesterday was a huge day for me.

I bilocated and took care of some remnants and drained their demon handler. And I put my energy with my seal, energetic seal on the place.

This is the first time I’ve been able to do it in 4 years. I used to be able to do it all the time.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

The fiction I write is from my life.

I’m not that creative.