I started writing listening to The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News.
Then as I was writing this, Don’t Look Back by Boston came on.
I had a day.
The gravy was bad today.
My patient decided to smoke meth.
My son didn’t reply to the text I gave him yesterday.
And my pg&e hit for the month and I got it covered. But no bike for me.
And I missed a friend who needed some help.
Shitty fucking day.
Hears how I dealt with it.
My patient got the worst thing I could say to him, “I’m disappointed.”
He made me throw the meth pipe away.
My son, he has memory issues from a bunch of concussions. 4 or 5.
He got “I get it, but you are not meeting the expectation you set. I’m not mad, disappointed definitely.”
He got it and apologized. And he’s setting a calendar event every two weeks.
FUCK! I THOUGHT PG&E WOULD GO DOWN!
Oh well. I got enough to cover it.
Talked to my friend, and I told him he’ll see me every day unless he gets help from another.
By 6pm, it’s close to 730pm as I’m writing this, things were resolved and I could relax.
Had I not been saying I forgive everyone of everything so that I can put peace in my heart mind and soul, I wouldn’t have made it through the day and I’d still be pissed about something.
I forgive everyone even me.
Because I make mistakes like everyone else.
I just don’t live in my mistakes. I figure out how to not make the same mistake again.
That’s what life is, make mistakes and learn to avoid them.
I get that most American homes had the same crazy aunt/uncle teaching children shit they shouldn’t know. They watched football and the parade. They all feel like they needed a nap.
However in some homes people don’t get along and yet they still show up because they’re family.
I used to be in the latter group.
I loved my family. I didn’t like my family.
My son is the only family I claim.
It’s not because he’s my son, it’s because he is a decent human being who thinks of others first.
The rest of my blood thinks of what others can do for them. What can they get from you?
This is how I was raised.
This is what I had to change in myself.
I like to think my son learned from me, but he also learned my bad shit.
The shit he learned by watching me, not what he learned by listening to me.
Monkey see, monkey do.
Which reminds me of the 100th monkey theory.
Teach a monkey a new trick, and every 100th monkey will do the same trick even though they have not been exposed to the first monkey.
Collective consciousness is what this proves.
As humankind is ready to make a leap forward, it will come from multiple places across the world.
What we think of as a discovery, something new, is just something that floated up through the subconscious once one had the experience to understand.
We are part of a collective universal consciousness.
What we think of as of discoveries, is nothing more than realizations.
Beings that come from not earth understand more than I could ever hope to understand, maybe not hope, I think, opinion, if it’s presented on simplistic terms I might get it the first time, I can’t be sure, however as I have lived, anything that ever made sense I learned instantly.
I have the experience of living my life seeing how at 4 years old I understood advance economics, at 9 years old I understood Jeet Kun do. At 3 years old I was exposed to the idea that all livings things are connected, the force.
At 50, I’ve learned a lot, and I still have a metric fuck ton to learn. I’ll never learn everything and that means my passion for learning will always find a way.
Old English apocalipsin, via Old French and ecclesiastical Latin from Greek apokalupsis, from apokaluptein ‘uncover, reveal’, from apo- ‘un-’ + kaluptein ‘to cover’.
We have a revealing daily of the truth that has been hidden.
We’re in the middle of apocalyptic times.
The truth about UFO’s/UAPs is getting a lot of coverage in Congress.
There’s a lot of truth coming out about those who have sexual skeletons in the closet.
And with it, they fight hard as hell to keep the truth from reaching the light of day.
The truth will always find a way.
I’ve heard things from people that I know that know others I know, of you think I won’t find out…
At some point I hear everything I need to hear.
Need.
Not want.
Think about what you want to hear.
Think about what you don’t want to hear.
Need is not want.
Think about those things you don’t want to hear about. Why is it that you don’t want to hear it?
That will tell you if you need to hear it or if you can just ignore the fuck out of it.
The liquid ego.
Be as mist and let everything pass through.
Be as a pool letting the stones make ripples as you reflect thinking about what was said. Does it need a response?
Be as ice that can, and has cut through mountains of bullshit.
Never allow yourself to think you know what’s going on because you’ve seen it before.
The song is playing and as one feels like a rock, why?
Rocks get beaten by the wind and the rain until they chip. Losing themselves.
There’s a lot to be said about being a rock, which is why I’m glad I’m human.
Metaphor can be fun, but if one wants to get to nitty gritty of what ones soul is, fuck the metaphor and speak plainly.
I get why most people who follow religion do so, I used to. Used to.
What was it that got me to say Fuck you to Christianity?
It was a voice in my head that sounded like my voice.
I had this bible and I used to this thing where I would close my eyes and open to a random page. I kept coming to stuff about the temple of God. But God is a living God that lives in here with me, and all of you.
It was my higher self, the voice in my head that sounded like me.
Then I learned to forgive my ex-wife for some shit, and I forgave everyone of everything for the first time.
I was driving a windy mountain road at the time.
Then I shot out of my body up to space. I could see the world. Then dark purple liquid came pouring out of my chest covering the earth.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
I’m not entirely sure what that meant, I have an idea, but nothing solid that doesn’t make me feel good.
I love the world and everyone on and in it.
I’m in love with the world and everyone on and in it.
It’s why I say all day long “I forgive everyone of everything so that I can put peace in my heart mind and soul.”
I use a form of reiki that is my own design.
I use the state of peace, zero emotion.
I’m an empath.
Empaths take anything anyone is suppressing or repressing into themselves, not because they want to.
Think of a black hole, it’s not the same thing, but it’s as close as I could get.
As I take shit it in, I use peace to transmute that energy into pure love healing energy.
This energy has no mass, meaning gravity can’t hold on. That means that every emotion, thought, and other energy goes across the universe nearly instaneously.
I give love to the universe. The multiverse.
How many of me do the same thing?
Who knows, I don’t care.
However, forgiveness is the key to everything you ever wanted to know.
Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.
Below you will find what I created in order to do what I do. It took years.
I love David Lowry, he’s the brainchild behind the band Cracker.
People like free, but they think it has no value because it was free.
People look at how much something costs to determine value.
It’s the truth, and I can’t change it. No one can change others. Who would want that power?
Not me.
I wonder how much value one gets when one gets cleaned out of their emotional garbage and gets a dose of pure love healing energy.
How much do you think it would cost?
I’m not charging for doing this for everyone, everyone gets one for free.
If you need me to do it again, you weren’t listening when I did it the first time.
I give guidance towards not needing it again. As long as one follows the guidance, one will have very few issues.
I give one a reiki recital so that one can do this for themselves.
One stop shop and it’s the only shop you’ll ever need to be in once and only once.
Once one gets the higher self, one doesn’t even need me. If one can dialog with ones higher self, why would one need anyone to teach them about being human?
If we got our children using meditation to guide themselves into their best selves we wouldn’t need as many prisons.
Think about it. People would behaving because it’s the right thing to do.
We need to make the right thing mean something.
How often do we do or even do the wrong thing?
Everybody does it.
That shitstastic excuse doesn’t cut it.
If everyone, everyone in the universe…
Think about the words one uses.
Not everyone does everything.
We need to be patient in our speaking and our listening.
Being precise in language is the best way to get your point across.
Not using as many words as you can, using the words that explain what you mean.
At times in the shared story of humanity, not history, a major change needs to happen to avoid repeating the same mistakes of previous generations.
Share what you have.
Sell what you have.
How do these two ideas hit you?
If we didn’t have money, think about it, if we weren’t capitalists, there wouldn’t be an issue.
We think, an opinion, that money matters.
It’s true. We think money gives us power. Look at the powerful people that we think have power.
How many are poor?
We worship wealth.
Why?
I let my worship fall to God, where it should be.
Thank you to everything for everything.
This is my nightly prayer.
I give thanks to stuff I don’t even know about, but it all had to happen so that I could be in this present moment with all of you.
My son is 19, will be 20 at the end of the year. He has beaten me through and through in how wise he has become at his age.
When he was 16 he was thinking about joining the military because he figured no one else would in his generation. The fact that he thought about it, I was impressed.
At 16 my son had already figured out do for others before you do for yourself.
It took me a bit longer than 16, say around 24 when I became a step dad for the first time.
My patients are two men who served their country and are my brothers.
Cats were once worshipped as gods, they never forgot that.
It’s a joke, however Cookie, the black cat I had as a child would say different.
He would look at you as you pet him with a look that said “You realize I’m only letting you pet me, I don’t like it and you need to get behind my ears.”
This cay was jet black and one of the biggest cats I have ever seen.
You know how they say cats pick their owners, Cookie picked me. He followed me home when I was walking home from school.
He made friends with the dog, and would pick a fight with another cat in the backyard. We would here it and let the dog out.
Cookie would sit down and watch the dog chase the other cat.
I’ve had other cats and I would love to get another.
I woke up with my ribs still hurting. I woke up saying “I woke up today and the rest is gravy.”
I grabbed two smokes, tobacco and two hits worth of weed. I put on my robe, filled the pockets with the smokes, a lighter, my phone, and my crystals, grabbed my c4, blue raspberry.
I headed down stairs and walked outside and sat my ass down on the bench.
For the next half hour I was playing a game on my phone, smoking and waking up. During this session I said I forgive everyone of everything so that I can put peace in my heart mind and soul, a couple times.
I reminded myself a couple times I woke up and the rest is gravy.
It was raining in Chico California all day. We’re getting hit with the bomb cyclone.
I headed back up stairs to my room. I have a room in a house that I rent. I have 4 roommates.
It was around 9am. I knew I’d be walking an hour to work. I started thinking about work. I was working to not think about everything else.
That first half hour is a whirlwind in my mind. My thoughts go everywhere to gyres and what we can do to manipulate them to I’m not dealing with anyone’s emotions or physical pain.
I’m am an emotional and a physical empath.
This is just the first half hour.
The things I have to remember in order to manage myself is stuff most people can’t even conceive of.
They handle it if its fiction. But come gave to face with it, most people disbelieve that I exist as I do.
It’s just what is.
It’s why I write this, to normalize people such as myself for the rest of you to accept us as human.
I have abilities, not powers, definitely not superpowers.
I have things I’m able to do.
For instance, I can give hugs no matter where you are, you’ll feel it. You’ll feel like you got hugged by some invisible force.
Now know that I’ve done this before and many times.
It’s not normal for one to be an empath, telepath, and medium.
I didn’t know for the first 37 years of my life. In that time I would’ve shit on anyone telling me they were any of those things.
I get why my one friend said try being normal.
Is that what you would say if I thought I was gay?
Transgender?
I get I’m not normal, I’m a freak of nature and among the freaks, I freak them out.
I channel the higher self of everyone, and anyone I’m talking to.
How did I figure this out?
Throughout my life I was always giving advice to others. It was as if I had a natural wisdom. I didn’t know where it came from, but I could give anyone the perfect advice.
I didn’t know that my dad did the same thing. He never knew where it came from, but he could give perfect advice for anyone.
I talked to him about it when I figured myself out at 37. It was the closest I ever felt to my dad. However he fucked that up.
When I was giving advice, it didn’t feel as if I was the one doing the talking. It used my mouth while I sat in the back of my mind watching.
Most mediums trance out, they don’t remember what that channel. I do.
I’m awake and over the years I’ve learned how to cut it off.
It’s why I say I use a half mask as my medium mask. I am part of the channel as I’m channeling anything. Dogs, cats, trees, anything.
It’s a guidance tool.
What do you need?
What do you think you need?
Those two things are often not even close together.
What do I need?
What do I think I need?
I think I need 20 hours or more at work at least to keep paying my bills and stuff.
What do I actually need?
I need to relax and write this shit. Not many have the actual experience I have.
I need to get over my stage fright.
I need to be who I am, a Táltos.
I even get it from myself, my higher self.
This is the discussion I have with my higher self daily. I’m humble, and I don’t want fame.
Being a telepath has made it very difficult to block anyone when they read what I write.
And I don’t to tell you all of this.
However, truth is stranger than fiction.
I get why I do it. You need to normalize empaths, telepaths and mediums are humans too.
I figure if I can take the heat, others will, have found me and they needed it.
I used to train empaths. Let me give this article I wrote years ago.
I changed the the title, sue me, actually don’t sue me unless it will get me famous.
Seriously though, my life has shown me truth is stranger than fiction .
I want to go back to January 1996, and the place was a small encampment of Army and Air Force Guard and reserve troops that were there to build roads, schools and medical clinics.
Why was I there, I was in the 32nd Combat Communications Squadron.
We were tasked to provide communication support for the humanitarian mission.
I met a Army Guard MP. He had served in Vietnam. He told me about this one battle he had been, and was the only survivor.
It was as if he needed to tell me specifically. After the story he said he hadn’t spoke about that in many years. He also told me that he can’t remember it anymore, the details. He just knows he survived, and doesn’t know how.
I get what I did. I’m a soul healer by birth, not by trade. No one ever had to show me what to do, I just did it.
As he was telling me the story, I could see his memories, and I could feel what he felt. It was not something I want to talk about ever again.
This one time for this one story.
It really fucked me up watching him kill the priest. Slit his throat.
After he was done telling me the story, he looked as if he was high. A natural high that comes with my energy.
I used to have people hit me up so I could give them a zap, meaning I’m not going into the process, and they really seemed to love it.
However if they don’t do what they need to heal themselves, that’s why I am very picky about who I do this process for.
If you need it, you’ll find me.
If you want it, fuck right the fuck off.
I’m a Táltos, not a shaman. I’m a soul healer.
All healing is self healing.
If life is making you sick, what is it you need to change in you?
I look myself all the time.
However, it’s why I channel the higherself of who ever I’m talking to, save a few.
It’s not about me, it’s about you and what you need.
It’s why I never charge. I don’t even suggest a donation.
At this point, what I say is the truth to the best of my knowledge.
I look at my life and what effect it has on others.
I don’t care about the effect, but I work to understand the effect.
I drift away in the flow.
What flow?
Think of life as eternal bunch of rivers. Every river goes everywhere eventually.
You could swap rivers at the interchange.
What do you hold onto?
For me, I hold onto things that need me.
There was once a guy I call Ken.
Ken was rich. He had something of a spiritual thing in his demeanor, however it was as fake as he was.
Ken wanted to hire me to be his master spy. I wish I was kidding.
He wanted to start this business using empaths and telepaths as corporate leadership consultants. The idea was they would steal corporate secrets from what they got from their abilities.
At one point I was on the phone with him and he said “I’m a genie Jim.”
In my head, what in the blue holy fuck did he just say?
What I did say “what?”
True story.
He said “I’m a genie. What do you want?”
At this point I was thinking what the fuck, why not buy into his delusion. So I said what I wanted in great detail.
Then he asked me to talk to one of his employees.
I did a clearing for her. Meaning I took every once of pain she had ever felt ad gave her a jump start with my energy.
Apparently she got stars in her eyes after I was done. I heard ken say something about it.
This was 11 years ago.
I found out ken died. It wasn’t something I was looking for, but I found out anyway.
Turns out he pissed in the wrong pool and that’s what got him killed.
The truth is stranger than fiction and my life has been a testament to that.
This is even the weirdest story I have and I’m still going with the flow.
I just finished a “job” for the Táltos part of my life and that means I need something to do.
I had a stroke 5 years ago. It was the day my friend had found out his girlfriend died.
We hadn’t spoke for over a year.
He called me when he found out and I took that shot for him.
My dad had been draining my energy, I’m a physical empath as well as an emotional one. I had gotten so skinny that I could wear a small.
Taking that shot is gave me my stroke.
The fucked up thing is I’ve told my friend that more than once and nothing.
Some people you can’t fix.
I went to bat for my friend with something I’ll never speak about, I was wrong. He deserves what he gets.
I’m at peace with that.
It took me a moment to read that and let it soak in that this is what people are going to read.
I’m a Táltos, a soul healer, when the soul begs, it’s hard to say no sometimes.
Yet I remind myself that choice is something that we each are responsible for. If we make irresponsible choices, how in the fuck do we expect anyone to give a shit.
It’s our responsibility.
Being responsible is a good thing.
Being irresponsible is bad thing that has led to all the world’s evil throughout the shared story of humanity.
Being responsible for yourself and taking it no matter what life throws at you, at some point it comes back.
Being irresponsible does the same thing.
You like shopping, then you look at how much you spent.
One can think of other ways one’s irresponsibility has fucked one and others.
That’s the thing, in truth, when we act irresponsible we hurt others, not just ourselves.
Not one person on Facebook reads this. I look at my stats.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
And I live there already.
However, I’ve lived other places
When I joined the Air Force, I went to San Antonio, Texas. For 8 weeks I saw how fucking hot San Antonio gets.
I started my service in June.
From there I went to Biloxi Mississippi. That was a hole. They got the riverboats back in 92, 1992. I saw hurricane Andrew while I was there.
No dice.
Then I got my first duty station, Coco beach, Florida. It took me less than 5 minutes to walk to the beach from my dorm room. I could walk from the Atlantic ocean across Patrick AFB to the Indian river in less than 10 minutes.
When it got hot, it never got cool. At 3 in the morning I was sweating. No bueno.
Then I saw why Texas will never fall into the see. I got sent to Oklahoma.
I’ve seen hell, and it’s Oklahoma.
From Oklahoma I went to Panama. That was nice, however when the rainy season comes up, you go down whether you want to or not.
Then there was Honduras. It got to be over 120 degrees with 99% humidity.
Fuck that noise.
Lived in Oregon for a year. I liked Oregon but I don’t like snow.
Nevada was a cess pool. It’s either hot as fuck or cold as shit with a couple days of decent weather.
Chico, California has one of the largest city parks in the USA.
I live next to the park. I can see the park from my backyard.
While it gets hot as fuck, last summer we saw more than 2 months of 100 degree weather.
I’ve heard people say “I’m not that bad when I’m drunk.”
Bullshit, we’re all that bad when we’re drunk.
Nothing ever taught me this more than driving a cab.
My favorite question from my customers was “Have you ever watched Taxicab Confessions on HBO?”
“No. I live it.”
I look back and often I felt as if each night behind the wheel was a night in life of movie. Even the slow nights. The drama of it all.
Drama.
It often felt like a production that often included excitement and a wide array of emotional expression. There was always that hint of excitement when a call would come in. That curiosity of who was going to go where and how much was I going to make for being their driver.
Being able to glimpse the future has it’s uses when driving a cab. I would see the routes I could take and then on the one I picked I would see the same cars and person on a bike as I drove. Precognition results I could not deny. If only I could pick a winning lottery number.
Not all precogs can control what they see and very rarely do they have the ability to see unless it serves a purpose beyond the childish idea of financial wealth. Often over the years I have been blocked from seeing the future, and other times I saw 50 years ahead. I was a little surprised by the stuff I saw 50 years ahead when it came to be.
I think the morning I woke up with Gale was the vision that turned out to be the biggest disappointment. I saw us in bed all in white and our son yet to be born climbing into bed with us. We were happy and smiling. A few weeks later she left me. If she had gotten pregnant in our one night together, she never told me about it.
I may have missed the entire life of a son I never knew about.
When I was driving cab I would pick up young men who would have been the age of our son, if we had one, and sometimes the thought would enter my mind “What if this one was yours?”
That thought always passed with a quickness.
Back then I often was picking up more women than men. Far too often I was telling drunk girls to get in the car and don’t worry about paying me. They were often falling down they were so drunk and I made sure they got home safe free of charge and avoided being raped on the street.
There were a few that stuck out then that still stick out today. Kat was 19 and away from home for the first time. I would get a call from her and she would be crying “Solomon I don’t know where I am. Come get me.”
“Kat are you outside?”
“Yes, but I don’t know where I am”
“Walk to the corner and look at the street signs.”
Then she would stay put until I showed up to rescue her.
I thought of her as a niece. Someone to watch over and protect. We often had deep conversations where she got the benefit of my wisdom. At other times I listened to her apologize for being so drunk and needing me to come get her. She was a sweet kid.
Jasmine on the other hand was an older woman going through some shit. An alcoholic who had fallen off the wagon. A gorgeous alcoholic who had fallen off the wagon. I would pick her up at the beginning of the bight and then again around 3 A.M. When I picked her up she was often taking that ride of shame home.
We did this routine off and on for a few months. Then a few months went by and I did not hear from her. Then one night she called. When I picked her up she thanked me for being the only man who didn’t take advantage of her during her binge. For a few years after that I would think of her and what became of her.
For the record I never accepted any sexual favors for a ride. I always figured if a woman was willing to blow me for a cab ride, who else did he blow that night. The ones who offered to show me their tits for a free ride got this response “I’ve seen tits and yours I guarantee aren’t worth the price of this ride.”
I was an honest driver.
How could I forget Sharon, the retired pilot. She had told me once she used to fly over Area 51 while they took radiation readings from the sky during nuke testing. That’s what Area 51 was back then, a testing site for nukes. All the alien stuff was in Wyoming. It was a friend of mine who had family in the Department of Defense that told me that, it made perfect sense.
Always let them think what they want and then do something completely different.
Sharon was often tipsy when I would pick her up from her favorite restaurant. A kind old bird who never had a favorite driver and spread her generous tips among all of us. The stories she would tell were always the icing on top that made her a sweet ride every time I picked her up.
I did that job for over a year. I don’t miss it. I saw so much misery in the people I would pick up and their souls often rotting within them. It was like carrying one disease to be spread after another with the emotional sickness so many of them carried. Of all the jobs I have ever had it’s the one I miss the least.
I do miss some of the regulars I had however I can see that our time was meant to end. Anything with a beginning must come to an end at some point. The only exception I can think of is the infinite Universe that has no end and no beginning.
Hard to imagine infinite.
Harder to accept it as reality.
The immensity of it alone is far beyond the capability of a flesh trapped mind to conceive of. I do find however once you simply accept it, it opens the doors to so many other things to learn about life, the Universe, and most things. Some things I figure must always remain a mystery or it would ruin all the fun of life.
I have more to get into with this cab driving, however tonight I seem to be a bit all over the place. Time for bed I guess and I can take another shot at it tomorrow.
Oh tomorrow the day that will never be and today is the day that I will always see.
I could plan everything perfectly and it would take one idiot to fuck it up.
I don’t think in years.
As my life goes it goes with the flow.
Why bother looking beyond the bend, you’ll miss what’s right in front of you.
I give my life a general direction by the way I live.
Other than that, I have small wants and needs.
I do have one giant fucking want, I wish to every and any and those that they don’t no about God, that this planet of human beings could take a day to find a way to forgive everyone of everything so that they can have peace in their hearts, minds, and souls, please and and thank you.
Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.
Peace day.
Every one works at building peace within themselves by forgiving anyone that has wronged them and forgiving themselves for wronging those that they wronged.
If we did this one day a year, a forgiving day, I get most would fuck it up.
However, I do this daily.
I do this throughout the day.
That’s how I build my peace, mine, not yours, my peace.
You go build your peace somewhere else.
As we build peace within ourselves it makes it easier to get along with everyone.
The women that came after Priscilla have Priscilla to thank for introducing me to Tantric sex.
We started studying it shortly after we got married. It wasn’t that either of us was bad in bed, it was that we wanted to make sure sex never became something boring and mundane between us.
I have read the Karma Sutra several times and started my study at age 21. At 509, I think it’s safe to assume I’ve mastered it.
This was also the first time I had ever watched porn with a woman much less gone shopping for it.
We found this sex shop that on the outside looked a large barn in north Texas. It was about a 2 hour drive from where we lived. I had never seen so much porn and so many sex toys in all my life. I still have yet to see a place as large in my travels since. When I stop and think that that has been over the last 400+ years, I’m not sure whether to be impressed or depressed.
At this point in life I find porn rather boring. You can only watch other people fuck so many times before you’ve seen it all, well at least all you’re willing to watch.
There are some things I simply don’t understand when it comes it to the fascinations some have with certain kinds of sex.
I can ride the wave of any and even in riding the wave of some of the sickest perverts I’ve ever met and feeling their ecstasy over watching or participating in certain things, I could not find it within me to enjoy it.
Somethings are just plain sick and a sickness that plagues the individual who enjoys those things.
After my teen years and the young women I knew who had been used for sex the mere thought of sex with an underage girl always turned my stomach.
I’ll never understand pedophilia. I get rough sex and the whole S&M thing however it’s for degenerates who have no idea what true lovemaking is.
Those who thrive on pain to get off have some issues. Often they are survivors of sexual assault and their body orgasmed even though the sex was unwanted.
This leaves scars on the soul, deep ones that in many never heal. They become fixated on having rough sex to justify their body orgasming anyway even though they were raped.
I was grateful Priscilla never had any of these kinks. Our sex life was actually quite satisfying.
We bought a house and got a couple dogs and were living the perfect American dream life. Priscilla had a job as an optician and I was working at an inbound call center. She had her Geo Prizm and I had my 1978 Camaro. We had a hot tub and lived in a nice neighborhood.
Why is it then I started cheating on her?
Oh yeah, the booze. I’m a happy horny drunk and once I start, any tart throws herself at me and I can’t say no. I look back now and don’t understand why the thought never crossed my mind to quit drinking.
Then again I also remember that Priscilla’s favorite game was to take me out and get me drunk and point me at other people.
Sarcasm was the first language I learned before English. When I drink this side of me amplifies something fierce. It was great fun for Priscilla and the rest of the crowd, however the target of my sharp tongue was often left humiliated in as many ways as I could verbally assault them.
I’m grateful I did quit drinking before I got my ass kicked. It would’ve have been nice had I been able to quit before ruining my marriage.
The worst part is I never got caught, it was the guilt eating at me that made me confess and leave her. I remember that day.
Her pain cut right through me as I told her that I did not love her the way she deserved to be loved and would be better off without me in her life. I cried with her as I ended my marriage that day. I moved out and signed the house over to her. In fact the only things I took with me were the things I owned before we ever met.
I tried to make the process as painless as possible for her, though I know it was sheer suffering for Priscilla for quite some time after things ended. I carried the guilt of that with me for several years before I could forgive myself. When I heard that years later she remarried and had kids, it made feel better about what had happened between us.
Priscilla got the dream life she deserved after the hell I put her through.
It was Mary that got Priscilla’s revenge. A goddess of a specimen of physical beauty.
She came after me as well. It’s hard now to not think the only reason she did was just so she could rip my heart to pieces. The fucked up thing is I did truly love Mary. Maybe that was Karma as I have never doubted that Priscilla truly loved me.
Priscilla and I had been marred for around 18 months and that became a pattern for me and marriage for several decades before I broke that fucking curse.
I’m not saying Priscilla actually cursed me, though it would explain a lot. I remember the last words she said to me was that some day I would come crawling back to her, I never did. I did however go crawling back to one of my other wives.
That is another story for another time.
I think I’m gong to take a break from this journal for a couple days and clear my head. It’s never good to spend too much time in the past, and after a week of it I need a break from it.
What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?
Master of what do you need right now.
I started washing cars and thought that was a career when I was 6.
Then the Air Force came and I went. I thought about making it a career, however the second ex-wife made that a no go.
Then I was a manager for and inbound call center. I thought about making that a career for about 3 months.
I was 23.
Then I worked at a video store and a movie theater. Star Wars episode 1, I got to see it a week before it opened.
Then I went back to call center work at UHC, Uniprise, health insurance customer service. That was a career. I started as a rep and became a supervisor. 20-30 angry calls a day leaving me feeling as if I had no soul. I drank a lot.
Then I decided I would never be responsible for anything other than the lowest job on the totem pole.
Cab driver, Toys r Us, Klean Kanteen, and other various jobs.
At 50, whose going to hire someone whose been out of the game so long.
I tried consulting.
I’ve had my name on 2 movies, one song by a known recording artist, I’ve written 8 books, one of them a leadership book.
The one thing I always thought would be cool, take a think tank, I channel the higher self of everyone.
I understand business, economics, psychology, quantum mechanics, spirituality, and stuff.
Why not use me for any idea you have?
Your higher self will tell you through me, yay or nay.
Think of the time that could be saved in going in the wrong direction.
This is what I used to day dream about.
Maybe a day dreamers gotta a chance, stranger things have happened.
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
I actually get depressed when I hear the intro and it’s under pressure by Queen, instead of ice ice baby by vanilla ice.
I got the idea for Zeus and His Daughters from the film Xanadu starring Olivia Newton John.
I got the idea for gyres from reading and reading and reading. I remember that the gyre is a singularity, but the research went no where and that’s I how I got the Theory of Consciousness and Gravity and the Unified Field.
And I have a new character for you to read as I start my ninth book.
Buckcherry, The Pretty Reckless, Terry Brooks, Laurel K. Hamilton, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Louis Armstrong, Stephen King, Ben Browder, Michael Shanks, Richard Dean Anderson, Claudia Black, Wayne Pygram, Christopher Judge, Amanda Tapping, Dorothy, Shinedown, Christopher Nolan, Richard Kelly, Wes Craven, Clive Barker, Burt Reynolds, Jane Seymour, Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Stephen Spielberg, George Lucas, Gene Roddenberry, Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner, Nichelle Nichols, James Doohan, Walter Koenig, Deforest Kelly, and others.
I don’t have a favorite thing, I have favorites. Why allow my self to be pigeon holed by my desires?
However I have gotten sick and tired of how many bat mans, Spiderman’s, other shit, the same action movie with different characters, same romance movie with different characters, same genre different characters.
I haven’t seen a new movie or film in a while.
It’s all remakes and reimagining and that bull shit.
In what ways does hard work make you feel fulfilled?
Thinking is the hardest work I’ve ever done and I like it. When I figured out gyres were what made up everything and the shit that followed, I wasn’t fulfilled.
When I work for my disabled veterans, I do hard work mopping and shit like that, but that doesn’t leave me fulfilled.
When I’m working as a Táltos dealing with the worst of the worst making them better.
Still no fulfillment.
When I’m dead I don’t want to feel fulfilled.
I want to be doing something, learning something, I don’t ever want to feel fulfilled.
That would mean the job, my life, is done.
My life never needs fulfillment.
I equivalate that with thinking I can relax and do all the shit I put off to someday.
I’m always working on something, and I will be til the day I die.
I’m watching the news more and more. I used to not watch, however shits getting dire out there.
What right do I have to spread my opinion as if it mattered?
Rhetorical.
The freedom of speech means everyone has the right to speak anything, lies, truth, anything.
Why do people lie?
To get shit that would never come there way otherwise.
I know why people lie.
I truly have zero respect for any liars.
In fact on Facebook and LinkedIn I call them out on occasion.
Very few respond. However I get responses from others and most of them want to argue.
How do you argue against the truth?
They find one of their friends that they think is smart, and then their friend goes down like a sweet muffin.
I get I’m in the minority.
Popular is stupid.
Think about it.
If it plays to the stupid people…
It’s why in the USA tv programs are set at a 7th grade level of English, it could be lower, I’m not sure. However several years ago I was watching some news broadcast that was brining it up.
Most people are functionally dumb.
I wish they weren’t.
I’d love to have conversations about the universe, aliens, ghosts, and other shit that is very real and a part of this world and universe.
But we have too many beliefs and we allow people to have beliefs because if we didn’t we would have to lock half the world, more than.
I have no idea where I’m going with this, I just needed to say it, and I hope someone reading this understands.
Like I will be that hot as fuck Granny that all the boys want to fuck. Probably not, buy it was an idea.
Thinking about how I will die. I picked my death with Death. It was really interesting talking with Death about my own death.
What was it I picked, oh yes, I will die in my sleep after performing a gangbang. I want to be filled to the brim. Then I will go to sleep and my energy will return to the cosmos to make something else.
It’s not like I have a soul.
If I did, I would have choices. I could do another round here, or I could go to the bliss field, or I could go to another world.
Once a race has reached immortality by earning it the hard way, they stop having children. They stop having sex because they’re evolved.
But for me, I was immortal. I have been everywhere and seen everything. I know the mysteries of the universe and 42 doesn’t mean shit.
However it was a great hook, and it caught a lot of fish.
What aspects of your cultural heritage are you most proud of or interested in?
I’m concerned with the now.
I’ve already looked at my DNA as I have African, Cherokee, Hungarian, which is Asian, Persian, Eastern European, Dutch, French and the isles, English, Scottish, Irish.
Here’s what I learned, we care too much about the past and it’s fucking up the future currently.
When I think of great leaders, I think of Gandhi, King, X, JFK and others.
Men dedicated to peace and all of them shot for it.
Then the snake died because people are stupid and can be easily led.
A news story here, a news story there, both of them lies, but who gives a shit, they must not unite. It’s only on keeping them divided that they don’t pay attention.
That’s why racism exists.
If we all stood together they wouldn’t stand a chance.
But King, had he seen this day, he would weep because they’ve gone backwards.
Malcom where are you now, dead.
What about Gandhi, peace was all he was about.
If Gandhi saw this world, I have no idea.
Bruce Lee taught everyone.
I have nothing left to give.
Just thinking about it makes me feel ill.
I can’t think.
Help
You know diving in head first with emotion will cause a crash of epic proportions.
Back off the emotion.
Thank you. I needed that.
Yes you did.
I get that I’m human. I like being human, it means I can die finally. My energy will go into the Earth as I have no soul.
I’m looking forward to my death.
It will be a good death no matter how I die. No death is a bad death.
Life, now that can be good or bad, but really who cares.
Even before I knew I was Zeus, God, I never followed unless one could show they were worthy.
When I was 16 I was the student representative on the school board for Fair View, a continuation school where they sent the pregnant young women, and failures.
In one of the sessions they were reviewing the teachers policy, the rules for the teachers.
I had referenced Bidwell Junior High and Pleasant Valley High School when I suggested they should be more concerned about enforcing the policy instead of reviewing it.
The next day my principal was waiting for me.
He asked me what I said and I asked why. This is when I heard the school board secretary had told him she expected him to get me to apologize. When I asked what he said “Fuck no!”
That’s when he gained my undying respect.
Then at 20 I was in the Air Force and I was the squadron representative for the Group Advisory Council. I was a military advisor giving my Colonel what for every week.
My First Sargent once told me “You have the biggest brass balls I have ever seen.”
It had been a day where the Colonel said “Look at my collar, now look at your sleeve Airman.”
I lost that one, but what a way to lose.
I’ve always been the type that if I’m right, you have zero chance against me.
The Colonel got one for free because of the situation.
Arguing with me has never gone well, except the one girlfriend I had.
She was studying to be an attorney, and she whooped my ass until she told me her secret. She would only argue if she knew she was right.
I started paying attention when she was silent.
Then I found out who I am. Now, forget about trying to argue with me.
Well, somebody has a high opinion of themselves.
Actually it’s a fact that I was God.
Good one.
So I get you like keeping yourself practiced at debate.
What has that gotten you?
I have one friend. My son doesn’t talk to me. I piss people off on a regular telling them the truth.
Really, nothing. If anything I’ve lost so much more than I’ve gained. However if my one friend calls me trustworthy, it’s good enough for me.
I like that I’m worthy of trust. I work at it. And that work pays off, not in cash, but in peace of mind.
My wives always got roses for no reason, well because I love roses.
When I was a child I put roses from the garden on the table in a vase.
Women have always gotten respect from me even if they didn’t respect themselves.
I’m Hungarian, it’s in the DNA.
It’s why I was born Hungarian. Hungary is the world’s original melting pot. I have DNA from Asia, Persia, eastern European, and depends on who else conquered Hungary.
Intermarriage wasn’t an issue.
The people are fierce defenders of there home. They were the defenders ofchristian Europe.
Vlad the Impaler was technically Hungarian when the otto-hungarian empire was around. Hungary got shrank after world war 1.
I get where I came from and why.
I remember watching the Hungarians as they were the faith filled. Well at least when the Táltos were listened to.
It was a Táltos that looked across at Genghis Khan.
I used to use Táltos, they could hear me. Each of them had a mission in their life that was my mission.
I miss those days.
No I don’t.
Which is it?
No I don’t.
Why?
Because missing something means I don’t think my life is complete, even though it is. The things I “miss” are the things that I am not. Things that I cannot do any longer.
If I miss them, I will miss what’s going on right now.
The Church of Rock 'N' Roll 
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