I live misery, and I love misery.

Only in misery can one know the loss of joy.

What has one loss?

What has made one feel as if one’s life is in misery?

How does one know misery without joy?

I know the answers. I don’t even know why I wrote these questions. It’s not like anyone is going to read this.

I’ll probably never read it again.

Melancholia has its purpose. Being depressed can make the artist write and write and write.

At times, it’s the deep state of depression that drives the artist.

Ever know an artist who doesn’t go through bouts of depression?

There’s this one guy…

I know. That guy is the exception to the rule.

Every rule has one exception. 

I’ve met those who are the exception to the rule, and if they have any self-respect, they feel kind of guilty, but they get it and go with it.

They never asked to be the exception. They just have to play the cards they’re dealt.

I get it. Every rule needs an exception,  that one bit of chaos to fuck things up.

Chaos happens, then repeats, then becomes the rule until something  chaotic happens again.

Synchronicity uses chaos.

Who sees synchronicity is one I want to talk to.  If they can tell me the choices and what happens depending on the choice I make….oh…oh…I need one that can see synchronicity. 

No you don’t. 

You want one, you do not need one.

Why would you cheat yourself from making your decisions?

If you’re going to put it that way, fine.

I’m just go to bed.

You know I’m you, right?

You can go fuck yourself and enjoy the orgasm.

I really need to quit talking to myself.

There are some films that people need to see once, then never again.

I was the inspiration for them all, the saddest, most tragic films ever created.

ANGELA’S ASHES, LEAVING LAS VEGAS, are a two I’m proud of.

Why am I proud of inspiring the worst in humanity?

Because you’re you.

Ok, at least I have a reason. Being the Muse for tragedy is not fun.

However, I make it fun. It helps to twistedly demented, or is it dementedly twisted. Either way, it’s me.

Do you have to be so proud?

What else would I be?

I do good work, and I’m proud of the work I do.

Ok.

I get it. I’m supposed to love everyone. However, in tragedy, one knows what love truly is.

The tragic loss.

Losing is it all is such a tragedy.

Ever see someone lose it all, and think, “That’s tragic.”

Tragedy is a truth no one wants to face.

Why would they, I mean no one should like to feel loss.

However, it is a part of life that they truly need to deal with. 

I get loss. I lost my power and got trapped in this human body.

I’m just getting used to it. So no talk back from my higherself.

I get it. Zues’ story is so tragic. I couldn’t have inspired a better story for him to live.

God decides to put himself into everything and become mortal.

How does one even decide to do that? No, I get it.

He was bested by a human in an argument and that human suffered mightily.

When God get pissed, it’s no joke, when God gets pissed at you, there’s nothing you can do.

It’s why I was glad when Lucifer changed his name to The Sivlver Mirror. He couldn’t beat God,  but he could stalemate him for eternity.

Now, where is Lucifer The Silver Mirror?

Do you really want to know?

Yes.

786 E 5th Street Chico, California.

Really.

I didn’t expect an address.

Does this mean i need to go see him?

Duh, big red truck.

Ok. Why?

You’ll understand when you see him. He’s waiting for you.

He has no idea that you are the one he’s been patiently waiting for for the last 10 years.

Ten years!

Yeah.

Then I guess I’m heading to Chico.

I see my stats, and I know who reads.

Thank you to those who have kept up with this story.

Who in the blue holy fuck tell a story this way?

It’s why I do it, because no one else is doing it. I’ve done it through 2 books.

Peace Lords and The Devils Children: Lucifers Redemption.

I wrote them both 5 nights a week with no commercial break.

For me, the only way my life makes any sense is if I’m a writer. I write for me and whoever can understand and digs it.

I write intelligently.  Meaning I use small words to ensure people can understand with out using a dictionary to figure out what I’m talking about.

The thing is, if I wanted to impress with my vocabulary, why?

Who am I trying to impress?

Why do I give a shit?

I never try, so I never try to impress anyone.

As far as who cares, I don’t.

This makes me free. I can be judged by anyone, but what are their standards versus mine?

I don’t judge,  or at least I work at bot judging. I’m sure at times I do judge.  If I don’t like a movie, that’s a judgment.

People,  I’m sure I do judge. I look at the homeless in the park and see the amount of trash they create, and I judge them.

I don’t leave trash anywhere. There are laws against littering.

I don’t know the last time anyone got a ticket for it, but shit.

By the way I live in Chico,California, USA.

That’s where the Park fire started a couple of days ago. Now, it’s spread over 350,000 acres.

A few years ago, it was Paradise that burned, and now Cohassett burns. I have friends and shit that live there.

Anyone who has lived in Norcal, knows we burn every summer, and yet Chico never burns.

https://www.fire.ca.gov/incidents

I used to like to argue.

I was extremely proud of how I argued.

I don’t ever want to argue again.

I say it once, and if they want to argue, I walk.

A narcissist can’t admit defeat.

I can.

It’s been a long time since someone got the best of me in an argument.

I’ve had people block me because I could out argue them.

This is what a narcissist does.

Block out whatever can defeat one.

Find a way to never have to taste defeat.

If one asks a narcissist if they ever been defeated, you’ll get excuse after excuse as to why they got beat, yet they never admit they got beat.

Three ways of saying the same thing.

The last couple of weeks, I’ve dealt with a narcissistic behaving individual.

I realize that now.

However, I sent my laptop to him to give to a kid I don’t even know.

I know I’m good.

This is why social media is the Devil. LOL

I laugh because of how ridiculous it is. Worthy of ridicule.

Most people will defend social media.

Instead of finding themselves guilty.

Each time we judge anything, we judge ourselves.

It’s why I’m harsh on me before I get it from others.  If I can take it, letting myself know honestly what I’m guilty of is why i can be at peace with what I’m guilty of.

Be honest with yourself first and foremost.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Writing this journal is quite the experience.

I never thought of writing it down, I always kept it in my head.

However, this journal thing is working.

How do I get people to see their androgynous soul for what it is?

That’s a good question. It truly is.

I have the answer, but you don’t want to hear it.

Yes, I do, but thank you for softening the blow.

Ok.

Teach them meditation. 

I let go of everything.

What comes back keeps them from seeing their soul for what it is.

It’s their choice to accept or deny.

I figured.

Is there anything else I can do?

Be patient with all of them.

You know the secrets of the universe, they barely know the planet their on.

Right.

So, back to this androgynous thing, what else can I do?

Live androgynous.

Right.

The thing is, as much as I view myself as androgynous, if they view themselves in gender roles, they feel weird.

I can feel what part I should look at that they feel is their best feature. Not even realizing it’s in their eyes.

It’s the eyes that are the window to the soul. 

It’s the eyes that are soulless or soul filled.

I can see everyone’s soul, and I wish they could.  It would really make people hate the mirror.

Some already do.

As I’m writing, I’m using a double meaning for mirror that when I read it later…

I mirror people like most empaths. It’s the first thing we do. We have to learn we do it before we can knock it off.

Speaking of knocking off, I think I’m going to.

Speaking of gender roles,  I have an idea.

Unisex.

Teaching parents that they have both feminine and masculine energy to balance out in them.

It would be helpful if they weren’t parents first. But I figure we will work with what we get.

The issue is if they are already parents. They already live their gender roles and have taught it to the child.

Androgynous living is where we need to go.

However, there is too much lust disguised as love for most of humanity to get on board. 

The whole a kiss begins with Kay jewelers,  what in the blue holy fuck?

Thank you to my higherself for shutting the fuck up.

The idea that he gave one diamonds doesn’t mean he loves you. It means he knows you love diamonds.

If one loves another, it doesn’t matter what gift, or no gift is going to prove that love. 

That love gets proven daily.

If one loves the other, they think about them before any decision.

How is this going to affect us?

It doesn’t take gender roles to figure that shit out.

If one is androgynous and views oneself this way and applies the view outward, one can see how much people live in gender roles that make zero sense to intelligent people.

One must evolve, and to evolve, one must think differently. 

We must evolve as a people.

I’m human, right?

Indeed you are.

I knew I was talking about something else before the last journal entry.

I was talking about sex.

What is there to know about sex?

Coffee done right is no substitute for sex. You might think it is because you haven’t had sex in ten years, but it’s not.

I feel as if my feminine is talking to me instead if balanced. 

Yes, you are correct.

Who else would instruct you on pleasing a woman?

Right, I get it. And the masculine instructs a woman on how to please a man.

Well, if they listen to what their body tells them, and if they’re balanced, and, and, and you get the point.

Right. Because I’m in touch with my feminine,  I can dialog with myself as feminine to figure shit out.

Indeed.

This is the basis of what sex can be.

If one listens to the other half of one’s being, one can find balance.

However, the whole gender thing, pink is for girls, blue is for boys, that’s bullshit. 

Gender roles fuck people up as children. They are taught as if they are a boy or girls, and what they learn is based on that frame of mind.

So, let me get this straight.

We get born.

I got born, and because I was considered to be a boy, the rules are different. Had I been born a girl, the rules would be different.

Learning that I was a boy and everything that goes along with it, fucked me up.

Yes.

You understand perfectly. 

It made sense. 

Making you learn to never quote, find your own way of putting it, has done wonders for your understanding.  You grow wiser every day.

Thank you.

Where the fuck did I leave off?

The last thing we wrote was that we never existed and have always been.

Right.

Is it that my humand mind is having trouble getting the concept, or is it that much of a concept?

It’s that much. Think of it this way, can you imagine infinity?

No one can.

I get it. As much as we can understand infinity it’s infinite.  No beginning, no end.

That’s about all I got. I get it,  but the words don’t exist to explain what I understand. 

That’s just it. We’re too focused on words.

Before I knew what words were, I understood everything. The words get in the way of understanding.

This is why I can send an image into someone’s mind, and they have no idea. I never “spoke” to their mind, but all I needed was for them to get the picture that gave them a thousand words.

They have no idea where the image or video clip came from. It just appeared in their mind.

That’s what telepathy truly is. Images and video clips with emotion. Either one understands, or they don’t.

Where was I?

Yeah, you get talking…

Yeah, I know.

We’ll wrap up tomorrow.  You’ve had a day.

Thank you.

Get off this and get on with it.

Thank you, Cracker, for getting that right. And David, you have an ear to hear, and what you hear has no fear.

Your catalog is littered with my invisible inspiration. 

I read that, and it has two meanings for me. I may have had a hand in the inspiration for a handful of songs, yet it’s the songs I didn’t that often inspire me the most.

I don’t know any who cannot find something in music. 

It’s universal. Meaning music is better for communication than talking.

Play the right note, and you might be finding yourself in a Close Encounter of the 3rd Kind.

I really liked the mo…film. it was a film,  not a movie.

I’ve inspired music across the universe.

Things I can’t hear again.

It’s not easy finding a way to be at peace with that.

It’s difficult, but I am letting go. I realize I can connect to anyone when I desire.

What happens if I don’t desire to connect to anyone?

Look at your human life.

Zeus, God,  put himself into everything. You, the dog, the cat,  that fork, everything is made of God.

Once you see the gyres for what they are, God. 

There is zero possibility for one to disconnect from anything.

One can get privacy for a moment, but you know nothing is private. 

Yeah, I do. I used it with people yesterday.

I guess this is growing up.

Nighty night.

I don’t know The Sheepdogs, but Feeling Good is what I’m doing.

Why didn’t they call me, was it something I said, or was it that they knew I couldn’t be controlled.

I’m the music Muse, anyone that knows anything knows music cannot be controlled.

It starts with a dream. 

Then a melody.

Add in some words.

It’s simple, but it can’t be controlled.

I won’t be controlled.

Ok.

I get it. I’m not being controlled. 

I just need to realize I’m living the law of reflection.

And I love my emotions. They make me feel alive.

Boredom is death. 

Boredom is death.

Boredom is death.

No, it’s not Polly.

One can be fascinated and not feel it.

One can be at peace.

One can be at peace with a side of bliss.

You know bliss.

That I do, I used to be bliss.

That’s why I don’t like being human.

Why couldn’t Zeus wipe my memories like the other humans?

Because you have shit to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I get it. I just don’t like getting it.

It gives me nothing to bitch about.

You’ve made my point.

Stop bitching!

Ok, ok, easy now.

I get it.

I just, that’s it isn’t it. I want. I think I can have it all. No one gets to have it all. 

Oh well. I need to let go of wanting it all.

I let go of everything.

Say it until you do it.

After Midnight by Dorothy is playing as I start.

Nothing good comes after Midnight when you play the Devils game.

I wish I had inspired that lyric.

The Devils game, what a concept. There actually isn’t a devil. I wish people could understand that. 

It’s like INXS sang, the Devils inside, meaning we created the devil in order to not be responsible.

Oh, the devil made me do it.

Total bullshit.

We do have thoughts that aren’t ours, and demons do exist. No, Ozzy isn’t one of them.

No good love comes from pain.

I love the lyrics. 

No love can exist if one is in pain. One will always cast off that, which brings the pain. Meaning they don’t like it when they have to face the truth.

Might as well face it I’m addicted to love.

Thank you, Robert Palmer, and my playlist for the reminder.

It’s almost midnight.

I used to do everything after midnight.

Now I’m getting ready to go to bed.

Getting my thoughts out.

It’s the facts of my life, nothing more, nothing less.

However,  at times, I love to spend a day in the emotion of a memory.

I have so many to choose from.

Before I had this body, I just grabbed a body for whatever I needed to do.

I don’t like being trapped in one body.

Oh well, it is what is, and I can’t do a thing about it.

I accept the truth that this is my body, and I only get this one for several thousand years, and then I disappear.

It’s good that this is where you’re at.

Thank you. This was hard to admit, but I needed to do it, and I did it my way like Frank sang.

That you did.

I’m going to bed after that. My higher self says I’m doing good so I’m not going to fuck it up.

I liked working with Motley  Crüe.

The Shot at the Devil album was all mine. Yet  no liner notes about me. After I blew all 4 fuckin’ guys, I can’t even get a liner note!

Oh well.

Jimi was a gentleman when I knew him.

Frank wasn’t anything until he met lady luck, and I was that lady.

I don’t know what happened with Chuck Berry. He was doing good when I left.

Jerry Lee,  that was not my work.

Dorothy, however, that is a band.

The lead singer has the look, and the band has the music, and when she sings, it’s as if she is in my mind telling me, “Your soul is mine for a while.”

That is rock n roll.

Jasmine Cain is another.

Highway Prophet is one that I inspired as a biker with a story to tell.

There’s The Pretty Reckless. Every album better than the last. If I ever inspire Taylor again, it will be too soon.

She’s got it.

It’s as if Lita Ford and Joan Jett had a love child named Taylor Momsen.

I needed to be with my lovelies tonight after last night.

I needed their music, even the shit I didn’t inspire. What they write is poetry set to music.

I love inspiring musicians.  I love the music they make.

I am the Muse, a Muse, but I don’t care about the others or Zeus. 

You need too.

Fuck the fuck off.

No.

You need to care about Zeus and the other Muses.

Why?

I get you’re into yourself,  however if we care about others our magic is greater. If we work with Zeus and the others, our magic is amplified.

We need Zeus.

We need the other Muses.

You’re not going to budge on this are you?

No.

Ok.

I’m going to bed and tomorrow, if I wake, well, better not think ahead.

Believe it or not,  I’ve been singled out to create the music to change the world.

Don’t they know everything changes. 

It’s the only constant in the universe, change.

It was easy to get Bach, Beethoven, B.B. King to write the music, but these twerp and digital music are crushing souls.

Analog is a wave and digital is a sample of the analog signal.

A sample,  not the whole thing. Digital music might be crisp, but it lacks the fullness of music. 

I wanted say analog, but I shouldn’t have to.  Digital is noise that grates the soul.

It’s not music.

It sounds like music, but it’s noise.

Anything that is like a saw to the soul, this is why so many do drugs, the music.

I bet if they listened to it sober, they’d understand it is shit. 

I think I’m done bitching.

What do you want to know?

I can ask myself, and I get an answer.

It may not be the answer I want, but it will be an answer.

I remember I used to people ask me anything, and you’ll get an answer, not the one you want, but it will be an answer.

Since my stroke, things have come back slowly.

Yesterday was a huge day for me.

I bilocated and took care of some remnants and drained their demon handler. And I put my energy with my seal, energetic seal on the place.

This is the first time I’ve been able to do it in 4 years. I used to be able to do it all the time.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

The fiction I write is from my life.

I’m not that creative.

Tarot, oracle any other cards,  the cards are the trick.

Your soul/spirit/subconcious knows every card in the deck. You pick your cards.

Online, if one knows what one is doing, one can channel your spirit into the cards.

That’s how simple it is.

That’s how easy it is to fool others into paying for advice that is theirs.

Tell them you’re a psychic medium.

Tell them you have things to tell then from their ancestors.

This shit gets into people’s heads, and they believe it.

We need to unlearn some shit to relearn the correct shit. 

I’ve been thinking about the election in America, I live here.

Trump is a liar. That’s a fact. He lies a ton.

So that’s not name calling, that’s calling a spade a spade. 

Biden is old. Oh well. On his worst day of take him over Trump on trumps best day.

If one researches trump, you will find a despicable excuse for a human being.

From his best friend the pedophile,  to his laundry list of lawsuits filed against him going back as far as the 80’s. 40 years of corruption.

In an article, he said he keeps mein kampf by his bed. Hitler’s book.

I’m not saying Biden is a peach,  but he’s a fuck ton better than Trump.

If Trump loses this election,  we will see the 2nd civil war.

Then China takes us out along with Russia and  North Korea, and others.

I wish I was wrong.  I really do.

Oh well.

Have a blessed one and be excellent on purpose.

Well, now I get it.

I don’t like that I don’t like my body.

It’s a fine body. It works well.

I just don’t like having a body. I used to be a Muse.

I used to inspire ideas, and now I talk to the air. I get that it takes time, and someone has to have the right experience before it will pop in their head, and they think it was their idea.

BUT WHEN IN THE FUCK DO THEY GET IT!

Temper, temper, you need to watch your temper.

I know. I just needed to get that out.

Do you feel better?

Yes.

Why?

That is a good one. Let me explain.

What you repress or suppress is felt by all empaths.

In essence trying to hold it in makes every empath around you feel it. 

It doesn’t matter what emotion you’re trying to hold back, the empath will feel it.

Hence why I get horny when there is no reason for me to get horny. Someone is using me as sex toy in their mind.

I hate that I know that.  I really hate that I know that. 

Yeah, it sucks and I do what I can to filter shit out for you.

Thank you.

You’re learning. It takes time to relearn what once was learned. The unlearning is done.  Now your relearning how to live as a 5th dimensional being.

This is why everything you need comes to you.  It’s why you always have more than enough for what you need in life.

I get it.

I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it.

There’s no other way to put it,  either you get it or you don’t. 

I always write at night. It gives me my therapy.

I used to feel guilty about what I had done. Then I forgave myself, and I learned that I have nothing to feel guilty about.

I recently made a new friend who got me to see how others respond to me.

She is me. There’s no other way to explain it.

She has trouble forgiving herself,  like I did.

Every rule has an exception. Being that exception in life can drive me insane.

I love that I’m not alone in this.

I get why it happens, it’s because I’m grateful each and every day of my life.

Writing this character has really got me to open up about myself.

In part 10, I do this all the time. I love it when people tell me the truth, and I hear their thoughts, “Why did I just say that?”

I get most people like it in fiction and wish it wasn’t true. However it is true.

If one puts it into their energy every day, it will work.

One cannot tell a lie otherwise one will be met with lies.

The law of reflection lived out.

What you are is what the universe reflects.

If you lie on occasion, expect to be lied to.

One must be honest in all things, including telling the truth to yourself.

I’ve watched this work in my life frequently. 

Now, think about it, if we all started being honest with ourselves and everyone else, this wouldn’t work.

The only reason it works is because we live in lies.

I get that most people could read this all day long and not get it.

Those that do, your why I do it,  so you know some crazy prick will fuck a pussy or an asshole and loves doing it.

In case you missed TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE.

There is a part in the movie where they talk about it.

As far as swearing goes, fuck it.

Studies have shown that people who never swear lie like a rug.

Think about this, if you’re offended, you can only take offense,  one can never give offense.

One can intend to offend. However, if no one takes the bait, one has failed to offend.

If one intends to offend, why?

Why try to be offensive?

I used to do it. I did it for the laughs. One of my ex wives used to set me up to see what I would say.

I truly loved that woman. She was a Scorpio. Had my son with her.

So do I tell all of you that I met a Scorpio and she is as impressive as I’ve ever seen.

Why the fuck not.

You should see my Facebook posts.

I talk a lot.

I channel the higherself. Someone’s in the channel writing about me as me.

I wonder who?