I’m hoping no one actually ever reads this.

Have you ever had someone look at you with terror in their eyes?

When one has no intent of inspiring that kind of fear it can hurt to feel one has inspired it anyway.

Part of what I do is feel with them as soon as our eyes meet.

They read all this stuff about me and some of them will undoubtedly be fearful of me. Even worse some of them will be fascinated by me and the life of anonymity I enjoy is lost and the stalkers start.

I become an experience in their eyes and cease to be a real being with real feelings.

It is as if I can already hear those who have yet to read this and their reactions as I write it. Oh wait, it’s exactly what I’m doing. I get a ping back of sorts on my every thought.

It’s normally the unconscious reaction of the world at large as a faceless hive of minds. It’s how I’m able to get a median line reading of how I might be received ahead of time.

Back in the 20th there were these things called corporations and they used the gifted among us to spy on each other as did the different governments of the world before we united as one world.

If I had not ended up in a lab or an institution, I would’ve been a slave made to use my natural born abilities for the selfish gain of others in various avenues of deceit. They would put gifted people to work finding out secrets to use as blackmail against heads of state and all sorts of nasty business.

People 500 years ago were nowhere near as evolved as we’ve become today.

The world back then was run by money and the pursuit of it in order to satisfy materialism. Those who know their history know these facts. I was born in the 1970’s.

As far as I know there are only a few hundred as old as me still milling about this Earth. We are a rare genetic anomaly along with many of the other gifted humans.

It’s just part of our gift makes the rest of them food to us. Though long ago I accepted what I am, it was not an easy thing to accept. For the first couple decades of the 21st century I was still dealing with feeling guilty about needing to feed on the souls of the living around me.

It was back then that what is commonplace today was often seen as only myth and folklore. The idea of a regular peace force comprised of highly trained Empaths and Telepaths was laughed at.

I don’t miss those days.

The abusive ridicule one would take for coming out of the basement as a freak of nature was intolerable.

A time when many were clamoring for acceptance for who they were, many lined up to take shots at the gifted back then.

If I’m to make any attempt to keep them from truly fearing me, I’m going to have to show them just how vulnerable I can be.

I’ve often said that the muse has a habit of striking twice in a man’s life. When a man falls in love he becomes a poet as the muse lights the fire of expressing that love in his heart.

When love is lost, oh how the muse can strike one more time as he goes on and on about how horrific the world is and all the brutally horrid things that might actually exist.

Does a soul sucking vampire know what love is?

I have loved deeply and truly more than once in my long life and it is this thing called love that sustains my immortal existence.

A lady can wound me with a look, while a common slut I can easily ignore.

What is the difference between a lady and a slut and a whore?

I find a lady will not talk of sex or offer it unless you can stimulate her mind with conversation and eye contact.

A common slut is like a bitch, a dog in heat looking to get fucked by the first swinging dick that shows up.

A whore is a different kind of creature all together. One who sells the pleasure and makes it all about you and what you desire to do with her body while her mind may be other places and seeing you with different faces.

I’ve loved and married ladies and I have slept with sluts and gone to my fair share of whores.

It is the ladies that I love most as they use discernment and are quite picky. Their souls are far less diseased and make for much better feeding for my kind.

We like the healthy humans best of all for our feeding.

Who doesn’t want healthy food?

How does one fall in love with what it feeds on?

Humans don’t own emotions and all creatures have them.  Even common pets are emotional creatures that need nurturing.

A soul sucking vampire is no different.

I’m actually a bit of spiritual man. It’s in my spiritual practices and understanding that I have become so picky about my food. What we take within us is what we allow the rest to reap from us. Those of my kind who feed on sickness often become the sickness they feed upon. Twisted souls who let their gluttony override their need for healthy living.

It has been my spiritual path that has allowed me to fall in love time and time again. Each one is different and brings forth in me different things.  Something like me evolved from the human species and is still a part of it.

This means that procreation or having kids is a possibility and I have fathered my fair share of children that I loved raising.

There is a magic to parenthood that can bring out the best of us when we take that little life seriously and see the role model we are to them regardless of the words we say.

It is the behavior they see from us that they learn the most from.

I think my being single might actually have something to do with me writing this journal as I’m bored out of my fucking skull and this gives me something to do.

Hopefully they see I’m as fucked up as any of them, only with different ability, but the same emotional core that is at the core of every soul.